It Just Seems So Weird.

[Suzanne R.]

It seems so really really weird. Year after year for my entire life of 56 years (I'm 57 now) I had Thanksgiving dinner with family and for 90% of those years we went to purchase all the groceries for the big day and also to make turkey soup after, mine was the best, and made absolute sure there was enough for the entire spread of snacks, desserts, etc., cleaned up the apt., I baked sweet breads and prepared the stuffing the night before, which took hours to make, awoke very early in the a.m. and prepared the turkey on the thursday morning of the big day. For the last few years it dwindled down, but I still am feeling weird that it is over. No 22 lb. turkey to prepare, and vegetables and stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy Danny always, always helped me and I can just see him stirring the flour I poured into the liquid butter in the turkey pan that we slowly created to make the luscious gravy, after which we drained and set the table for a feast and Dan and I always timed everything so he would carve the turkey after it cooled, and then serve it all up. We always had leftovers to heat up and eat for the rest of the weekend. No pies, ice cream, or crackers, fruits, assorted nuts, no nothing. There will be no strong scent of a cooking turkey here on that day or any other day hereafter. I will be going to one of my sons and their family, but feeling bad for my other son that I won't see him and his family. I am unable to see my newly baptized only granddaughter that often, so she doesn't even know me whenever I go to their place, so Thanksgiving is kind of a washout already. She was the one who Danny saw for the first and last time when she was 7 days old, the night before he passed away on January 22. When I go over there she won't stay on my lap and I know Danny would have loved to see her walking already. It's just really weird. I was always rushing around every year, writing my list weeks in advance, making sure we had everything, looking foward to everyone enjoying our meal together. Now, it's nothing, nada, zip and I am wishing it was over. The Saturday after I will not be able to get away from hearing the annual Christmas parade that they have in our city as it is very loud. I wish I could block out the sounds of the cheering crowd and from those Christmas ads on TV as well. How depressing. It's just really really weird. And I can't believe since today, which was Monday November 22, that marks exactly 10 months since he passed I am still weeping and sobbing at the drop of a hat. I only hope it doesn't get worse than this. My heart goes out to each of you and your losses and I will be praying for you all for your personal Thanksgiving Day. I don't know when I'll post again but I just wanted to let you know I'm still here as there's nothing else to do. Hugs to you all and take care.

God bless to everyone here,

Suzanne

P.S. I am thankful that I have a place to go, I understand many don't have anyone and will be alone. If anyone would like to add what they are thankful for, it may be helpful to not dwell on what I (we) don't have. Just a suggestion. I know I needed to say what I am thankful for, if just for my own sanity. There are millions in the world that are dieing from malnutrition or abuse, so even though I am so depressed I need to keep my focus off the negative in my own life and remember my blessings, the most important of which was the gift that God gave me in Daniel, my husband and my loved ones. Take care.

[kayc]

Suzanne,

Just want you to know you are heard and I understand what you are saying. George used to always help me in the kitchen too, peeling potatoes, mashing them, carving the turkey, etc. And he always helped with dishes afterwards. I miss him, there's just noone like him. No one that cares, no one with his effervescent spirit.

Right now I am up to my ears in shoveling snow, my carpal tunnel hurts, don't know how I'm going to do all the work that goes into Thanksgiving when I'm in so much pain.

what we're thankful for? In this weather, heat, I'm thankful for my wood stove.

[LarrysGirl]

I know Suzanne, its like why bother now, nothing will ever be the same. My sons will go to other families homes thanksgiving, Larry's family are going elsewhere and the stress of trying to put something together is too much. Kay, sorry about the snow, it is 75 here at 6:30 in the evening, I'll take some snow! Hope you get thru the day ok Suzanne, Deborah