Another Hate-Filled Email So If You're Not Getting The Support

[Lostdaughter]

Long story short, those who "don't get it" are not going to get it. It's been three months since dad's funeral on September 1st and I continue to receive hate-filled emails from a former "friend" who I regarded as a surrogate father. I won't get into the details, other than to say he says "we all have losses" and has just diminished mine completely. I sent him an email this morning telling him that I have blocked his email address and if he ever wants to apologize for being such a jerk someday, he has my address. I kept thinking he "might get it" for three months now to no avail.

This is a person I had to TALK OUT OF sending hateful letters to both his wife and her family members when his wife's father was on his deathbed due to a stroke. My friend's regret is that he didn't get to tell this man how much he despised him before he died (again, based on my recommendation to not do so). Some people kick you when you are down and I am glad I am not that kind of person. Only weaklings do that.

My reason for writing is both to vent and also to encourage those who do not feel the love and support from friends and family to realize maybe they are incapable of being there, for whatever reason. Sometimes hearing nothing is better than hearing what I've heard. Find people who will understand and not diminish your experience. Take it as a learning experience when those you thought you could count on don't come through for you. At times, silence really is golden.

LD

[grace10]

Lostdaughter,

I am so sorry you had to to through this. As I was reading your post, I was really hoping that the end of the paragraph said you blocked him. This hate and anger surrounding people who are dead borders on childishness and craziness. As times like this, it is so important for all of us to be self-protective.

I just keep an awareness of who has disappeared, who is supportive, who does not want to talk about it, and who is trying to be of help but does not seem to know how. You expressed it so well by posting a reminder that there are those who are just incapable of being there. It says a lot about the other person, and it says a lot for those who have stepped up to be there. And, silence is not the worse thing either. And, for me, it is really time to reevaluate the people in my life and rebuild in new ways.

I hope things are easier now that you have removed this negativity from your life.

[Lostdaughter]

Thanks, Grace.

I hope you are feeling better, or at least as well as can be expected or hoped at this point in time. I, myself, knowing I blocked this person am doing much better. Still, even last night, when talking to my best friend of 35 years - the issue came up. Her mom died at 67 and my dad at 95 and therefore....what she doesn't realize is that she had her mom for five years less than I had my dad! Yes, I was born late in his life.

It is NOT a competition. Each of us only has one biological parent (for some of this it's good, for some of us it's not so good, unfortunately).

Anyway, this guy has my address and I will not hold my breath. I WILL be grateful I have the empathy I do, to relate to you and others.

Ok, sort of tired here. Sleeping patterns very erratic. Signing off for now...

LD