"numb Days"

[Dimcl]

Hello, everyone. Today has been what I'm beginning to call a "numb day". I woke up this morning in a strangely detached frame of mind. I looked at all the pictures of Glenn that I have scattered around the house, but felt oddly numb. I filled my day with projects and managed to keep busy, but even this evening when I look at his photo, I have a blank feeling. This has happened once before, about 3 weeks into this journey (it's been almost 5 weeks now), and I remember that it gave me some respite, but when it wore off, the grief was brutal. Now, I'm afraid that tomorrow, I'll be a mess and I have so many errands to run and things to do.

Has anyone else experienced this? It almost makes me feel guilty, but I'm wondering if it's my brain's way of keeping things under control.

[wmjsca]

I'm either numb or sobbing, so I understand. It's been six weeks for me and I can relate to that numb feeling. For me, it's almost like I'm floating around in limbo, doing what's necessary, and not really reacting. Then, it all builds up and overflows after a few days. I can only say that it doesn't happen as often, but it still does occur. I can actually go most of the week without much outward emotion, although I'm crumbling inside. It's when I'm alone and idle that the thoughts crash in. I try to keep lots of reading material to fill the empty spots, but they say you shouldn't try to fill ALL your time to avoid the pain. It just hurts so badly. I had a moment today--I was fine until I called a friend and then the waterworks began. Prior to that phone call, I was in my usual numb trance.

[Guest NancyL]

Sometimes I think I'm in the waiting mode. Don was in and out of the hospital and rehab hospital, so I was without him at home weeks at a time. I know that he's not coming home this time, yet it feels like I'm waiting? I've also set a weight loss goal and am getting closer to it. I don't know what will happen when I reach it. Will I think everything will be OK once I do? I don't sob anymore, my eyes "leak" when I think of all the things that Don is missing, but then I try to believe in my faith, that earth is just a temporary place to reside, the true joy is heaven. Maybe he's not missing anything. I don't know, I hope in a few months, I'll have a better answer. And I hope I'm not waiting for ??? anymore.

[sunstreet]

I have experienced that as well. I think it so entirely normal. Sometimes we need to be detached just to get dressed in the morning, in the early stage of this journey. I don't find myself in that numb state any more but I am almost 7 years into this journey. I know for myself early on, I could not take on much of anything in so far as tasks or errands all I focused on was my basic needs and my cat's well-being.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

[Dimcl]

Sometimes I think I'm in the waiting mode.

This describes my feelings in the best way. I hadn't really noticed, but after I read your post, it occurred to me that I'm feeling just as I would if Glenn were away for only a couple of days. I miss him, but it's no big deal. Oh my, how often does reality have to set in before it stays? Tomorrow, I'll probably be a damned mess again. I'd just like for my brain to quit playing tricks on me... give me both barrels, and let me get on with things. This up and down like a yo-yo is horrible.

[melina]

My grief counselor says that the "numb" days are necessary to allow the mind and body a break from the more intense days of pain and sobbing. I find I have more "numb" days now after 4 months than I did to begin with. I can't say I ever feel happy, but I do feel a little more balanced some days than others. I had a week of intense grief up until two days ago when I fell back into numbness again. It's a relief. I just hope it lasts a while, since I'm feeling pretty worn out.

Melina

[kayc]

Numb and shock are a way our body has of protecting us from overload. It gradually wears off and reality sets in. Often that hits at around six months. Perhaps it takes that long to absorb what has happened.

[marsha]

Hello, everyone. Today has been what I'm beginning to call a "numb day". I woke up this morning in a strangely detached frame of mind. I looked at all the pictures of Glenn that I have scattered around the house, but felt oddly numb. I filled my day with projects and managed to keep busy, but even this evening when I look at his photo, I have a blank feeling. This has happened once before, about 3 weeks into this journey (it's been almost 5 weeks now), and I remember that it gave me some respite, but when it wore off, the grief was brutal. Now, I'm afraid that tomorrow, I'll be a mess and I have so many errands to run and things to do.

Has anyone else experienced this? It almost makes me feel guilty, but I'm wondering if it's my brain's way of keeping things under control.

Yes, in the beginning, and it freaked me out. I know now it truly was my brain and body's way of kind of giving me a break, for my mental and physical health.

[suzzer]

Hello Everyone

This is my first time on this site and I am so glad to find people that are feeling the same way. And that I am not totally crazy. My Partner has been gone for 7 weeks today and after 23 years together I am so alone. I can't seem to stop crying or I walk around the house in circles. December was our month birthdays and Anniversay. I don't think I can celebrate Christmas this year. My family wants be to come for a visit. What advise can any of you give? I think I should just stay home alone. |No one seems to understand how empty I feel.

I wish you all sweet dreams.

Suzzer

[Billw]

Hi Suzzer,

Sorry to hear about your partner and so sorry you ended up here. This is a place of comfort and kindness. It is helping me through a very hard time in my life. We all share a common bond here. The people in this forum truly understand what you are feeling. I am not much for giving advice but I can tell you what has worked well so far for me.

Eating well and trying to rest at first are very difficult but must be done to get through the day. Getting out of the house and working or exercising each day even when I don't want to helps a lot. Isolation is not good, I have gotten out and socialized or at least tried to even when I don't feel like it. I took on some personal counseling that has helped immensely with the grief.

We are all here for you and hoping you are feeling a little better today. God bless and take care...BW

[Cheryl]

HI Suzzer,

I also am so sorry for your loss. I have been widowed just over a year, so all my "holiday firsts" are behind me. Your loss is very new and I remember the numbness of those first months well. My advice is to be careful to not overwhelm yourself with obligations. Let others take the lead and take care of you. If your family must travel and spend the night then perhaps the trip should either be very short or perhaps they stay with someone else and just visit you. I also found it difficult to be with others. I was not in a frame of mind to make small talk or pretend that everything was okay. The best thing you can do is to be honest with your family. Tell them what you are feeling, most people do not understand the emotional place we are in. They just want to help in what ever way they can. If you could tell them what you need from them it will make it easier on them and you both.

Although I didn;t want to be with anyone, I also have found that isolation is my worst enemy. Each time I have forced myself to spend time with others it has helped. But I make sure that it is on my terms and that I have a way out if I feel overwhelmed. There are no right or wrong answers. Go with your gut and don't feel guilty for what you can't do. Each person must figure out what works best for them.

There will be constant change and stress, but please know that it is from my experience that it is possible to survive this awful trip and I have even found a way to grow from loss.

Big hugs, Cheryl

[sunstreet]

Suzzer, I am so very sorry for your loss. I want to let you know that you are not crazy! Self-care is very important, as this journey of grief is a difficult one indeed and we need a strong suit of armour to find our way through. You have found a very safe site here, keep coming back, it helps. I think it important to live within your limits as you weather this journey. I am almost 7 years into this journey, my partner suicided, and I remember feeling exactly as you do now. Walking around in circles is a good way to put it. I want to share with you that this is the first Christmas that I feel like observing. Your journey will be unique to you but the pain is the same. I am no longer in that place of walking in circles. Welcome, and you are not alone.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[wmjsca]

Suzzer

I, too, lost my partner seven weeks ago, so I'm pretty new to this, but the advice given has been what I was told when I first got here. I found the forum a few weeks after his death, and everyone has been very supportive. It's nice to be in a place where people don't try to 'rush' the process. It takes time and all of us experience it differently.

Taking care of yourself is number one. Feeling lost and numb is normal and no, you're not crazy. You have suffered an enormous loss and life as you knew it is no more. That's hard. People around will not understand, in my case after the funeral, no one hardly called. People are telling me that 'it's about time I got with the program' and basically should be 'over it'. That is why I visit and post on this forum. We all know.

I am a student, so I really haven't isolated from people, but beyond school and doing what must be done, I am not ready to socialize. I didn't go anywhere for Thanksgiving. I stayed home, alone. I am trying to get through Christmas for my young son. I am just beginning my first year of holidays without Clint, so I'm having a difficult time adjusting.

I also have a therapist and have begun attending a bereavement support group. Get support from whatever resources are available and journaling is a good idea as well.

Take care...