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So, I thought I was all ready to face the holidays. I put up the tree, decorated a little outside and have planned time off so I can go to California to be with my family. All prepared right, NOT, I am a mess. I can't sleep, am forgetful, useless at work, and just can't concentrate. All I can think of are memories of Tim. They are beautiful memories, but they make me sad so I've also been crying a lot more. I made it through Thanksgiving with only a few break downs, but Christmas, my birthday, and the 1 year mark are all coming up and I'm just having such a hard time. Really felt like I was making some progress but now I think I've taken a few steps back. I know this is an extremely hard time for all of us and I wish I could be a little more upbeat, but I just had to share these feelings with people that understand and care.

Chris

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Hi Chrissie, I'm sorry things have taken a step back for you. I found comfort in remembering that my only concerns were that Don was happy and not hurting. I also know he was equally worried about me. I think I'm more sad thinking about the things that he might be missing, but if there really is a heaven, then he's surely there and for that I'm happy. I try to believe that. I also kick myself sometimes when I get feeling sorry for myself, telling me that I've got lots when so many have more problems than I. It doesn't always work, but I try every day. I hope you have better days ahead, you have family to be with and I hope they comfort you and give you lots of laughs to go with your tears. Yes, we on this site know how hard it is for you (and us). But we will get better some day, just not this day.

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I know this is an extremely hard time for all of us and I wish I could be a little more upbeat, but I just had to share these feelings with people that understand and care.

Dear Chris,

I want to encourage you that this is the one place where you can be however you are and not think you need to be upbeat if that is not your reality. I am sorry you are hurting so right now. I think it to be entirely understandable and normal. This journey is not a straight line. We all understand and have been or are right were you are now. You are not alone.

It may feel you have taken a step back in this journey but perhaps you have taken a step forward by acknowledging this pain and letting yourself feel it.

Hugs to you. I hope that this wave of pain reaches shore soon and dissipates.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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Chrissie,

I'm sorry, I wish I could fast forward through all this for you, I know it's tough to live through.

If it helps, it does get better. I was actually very excited to put up a tree and decorations this year, and I don't have anyone here but me, so it's not like anyone else will enjoy it, but I did it for ME! George always loved the holidays, every event, every season, and he would have enjoyed it so much, I suppose something within me wants to do it and hope he can see it and enjoy it anyway. Who knows? I remember the times we had together and loved and savored every moment...

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Hi Chrissie,

I can't speak from much experience since Clint died in October and this is my first round of holidays without him. It is extremely difficult, but I have a young son and must struggle through the season with some semblance of observance to keep things 'normal' for his benefit. Every song I hear, every bell that rings, every drop of snow that falls reminds me that he's no longer here and will NEVER be again. I do understand and care for your sorrow, as I do all the members here since we are the only ones who truly understand this loneliness which extends far beyond the funeral and burial. While all the others have returned to their lives, I'm stuck in this horrible nightmare alone.

I am trying to feel upbeat right along with you and I thought you should know.

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Thank you all for your kind words. I always know this is the one place I can come to when I need comfort and understanding. I hope the holidays are filled with love and beautiful memories of our loved ones. God Bless you all.

Chris

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Hi Chrissie! I can hear the heartbreak in your voice. I lost Sheryl 3 months ago. By reading your posts I see that I am not really losing my mind, it just feels that way. I am going to the doctor tomorrow. I need help and can't do this alone. Have you gone to the doctor? I read that drugs are not the way to go, it just delays the grief. But I think I need something to help me over the hump. I know it is a long road ahead and I thank you for your honesty and openness about your grief. I'm so glad I found this place and thanks to you and all the other posts that are helping.

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