Being Mad Instead Of Sad

[missyme]

I am having such a hard time with the holidays. My Mom is here to visit for the holidays and she is not doing well at all. I find myself being MAD at everyone instead of thinking about what I have lost and how sad I am.

This is my first Christmas of my life without my brother Johnny. Today my Grandma called and shared how difficult it would be to go to Christmas Eve dinner without him there. The irony is my brother went every year to see HER saying "we don't know if she'll be here for next Christmas"...we never imagined it would be him we would be missing. I still hate that my brother died.............and I hate that I avoid my pain by being mad and irritable.

[niamh]

missyme, I'm so sorry. I have no words right now but I think being mad is ok and so understandable, I wish I could feel something today, there's nothing in me at the moment.

sending you love and strength for these next few days and always,

Niamh