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One Of My Coping Strategies


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If you haven't seen the movie, "The Sound of Music" I highly recomend it. I watch this movie a lot and never tire of seeing it again and again. It has a wonderful message about never giving up, being your authentic self, and finding joy even in the dark times of life, and it is about love. I find it wonderfully uplifting and thought I would share in case you did not know of this movie. Melissa introduced me to this movie.

Yesterday, all my burdens felt like they were crushing me and today I am thankful for them and the blessings and Light they have given me. Purple was Melissa's favorite colour. I am so grateful that I feel her presence all around me now. I think that Memorial I decided to go to was the final step for me to really accept that Melissa exists in Heaven now and I need to let go of trying to keep her here with me. Oddly enough when I felt myself accepting she exists in Heaven now and quit trying to keep her with me, is when I didn't need to try anymore she just is all around me and withme so strongly now and I am not even trying.

I suspect I am not the only one left with burden of debt from their spouse and finding it very difficult to make ends meet on one income. This fact complicates our loss so much and makes it hard to move along too. Anyhow, today my burdens, all of them are my friend, for I know they will bless me ultimately.

(((( HUGS )))) to all!

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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I suspect I am not the only one left with burden of debt from their spouse and finding it very difficult to make ends meet on one income. This fact complicates our loss so much and makes it hard to move along too. Anyhow, today my burdens, all of them are my friend, for I know they will bless me ultimately.

Carol Ann,

Sometimes I feel guilty about even thinking of this part of my grief, although it is a factor as well. We had the benefit of two incomes and I'm now trying to restructure everything. I also am angry that he drug his feet about marriage, because I don't even have the benefit of his pension. I don't think people even understand---how can I think of money right now? Well, the shock and pain of his absence is hard enough without the added stress of less income to manage things. This is just another fact of life. I hate that I wasn't his wife. I'm left with nothing but memories, I don't even have the respect of having had a 'legal' relationship. This just sucks all around.

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I understand the guilt but this journey is hard enough without judging ourself for how we feel. There are no right or wrong feelings. It is OK to be angry. I don't have the benefit of a pension either, nor life insurance, I understand. Those people that don't understamd, to bad. If they were in your shoes they would have something else to say. In my mind you were his wife and he your husband, people can think whatever they choose but in the end you were a couple who loved each other and shared a life together. I respect the life you two shared, the love you shared, and to me it was legal. I encourage you to hold fast to your own inner wisdom and memories of the love you two shared, that will stand the test of time, and is part of you forever. No-one's comments or belief's can change that fact.

I understand.....(((( HUGS ))))

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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Carol Ann, I LOVE "Sound of Music". Our community theater has performed it several times over the years. Mike was Captain VonTrap during one of the times we performed it. It is a great movie, and is a wonderful play.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas.

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Queeniemary, I had a feeling you would know this movie. How wonderful you have the memory of Mike playing Captain Von Trapp. I would love to see it as a play. I do have a collection of plates fired by Edwin M. Knowles. With the financial woes I am in, I have often thought of selling them, but never will as they were all gifts from Melissa and they bring me such comfort. There are 8 plates in all.

Good to hear from you Queeniemary.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

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I ws left with $72,000 debt from George and although I whittled it down to $35,000, I incurred another $50,000 debt from John and with interest it's now $100,000 against a home I previously had paid for. Said home was worth $240,000 two years ago and is now worth $85,000 thanks to the drop in the market so I am upsidedown. This is a huge burden to me as it takes half my income to pay for my house payment and commuting expense...and now in the news they say the gov't wants to take away our mortgage interest deduction? The offsetting credit does little to make up for it and I have no idea what I'll do if it passes. Right now I'm pretty much stuck as I can't even sell when it's upsidedown and it'll take me years to get to break even point.

While we may not like thinking about it, finances are a very real part of the grief experience...it affects us in a very real way. We not only lost their income and familial support, but we incurred, many of us, hospital and ambulance and doctor bills in addition. I learned too late that Oregon would not have held me responsible...by the time I learned that, it was too late. The hospital put pressure on me when I had just lost him and intimidated me into paying them or they'd charge 29% interest, which I knew I could ill afford.

Sometimes I think the best advice we can give someone who is newly grieving is to seek an attorney or financial advisor...you may not think you can afford it, but in the long run, you'd be way ahead.

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