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Thought It Was Supposed To Get Easier As Time Went On?

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This past week was 8 months since charlie died. It seeems like things are getting worse.I try to keep my mind off things but thats impossable, and when I think about it, its very difficult for me to understand and accept that this is my life now, my life without him. He is dead, I cant fathom that! I am now having a very much overdue meltdown. Life sucks, and I am so incredibly sad!

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I understand. I am at 9 months and feel exactly the same way. The house is silent and I can't believe he is gone forever. I have to keep believing it will get better. We need our meltdowns-they do heal and they do pass. I am so sorry for your loss and mine. Melt away...and then perhaps light a candle in his honor. I believe it gets worse before it gets better. I talk to a lot of women who are walking this path and it will be tough for a while first....at least that is what I am told.

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It does get easier as time goes on, but it takes much time and everyone's timetable is different. Right now you are experiencing the shock wearing off and as reality sets in, that's a very hard stage, but once your system has had significant time to adjust, the pain will not seem so intense as it does now. Plus you have a LOT of adjustments you're going through. Losing a spouse doesn't just impact us grief-wise, but in all of the other little ways...some of which are not so "little"...they were the one that did the other half of the chores, provided half the finances, noticed all of the special things about you (that new hat you have on, your new dress, that you got your nails done), they're the one that left the garage light on for when you came home, they're the one that brought you a thermometer and something to drink when you were sick, they're the one you have shared memories with, that you raised kids with, spent your holidays with, enjoyed weekends with, shared all your hopes and dreams with...they are the one you were supposed to grow old with.

I remember how hard hitting it was for me when I hit menopause, because George had assured me he'd be there for me to help me through it...but he was gone and I went through it alone. All of these things are adjustments that we have to go through and get used to and it's hard. Eventually, you learn to take care of yourself and to reward yourself and to be kind to yourself, for noone else is there to do it, but you learn something else too...you learn to draw from deep within, and access the comfort and strength and encouragement from your spouse and the relationship you share. It does take time to get there though, so please be very patient and understanding of yourself. It's okay to cry, okay to scream, okay to pound the wall if you must. It's good to let it out here in words on the forum. Remember to take good physical care of yourself, because all of that will aid you in your journey...eat right, get regular exercise, take care of your mental health, don't stay completely holed up, get out around people sometimes too. Sometimes you won't feel like it, okay, lots of times you won't feel like it, but do it anyway and know it's the best thing for you. Learn to acknowledge and recognize that voice within yourself when you need a day just to yourself and don't feel like doing things the way you always did. You may have to come up with alternative ways to celebrate holidays that don't hit you so hard...or then again, you may just want to latch onto the way you always did things and keep it the same...there isn't a right or wrong about this, there is only YOUR way and what you know to be best for you. Be ever so kind to yourself, you're going through a lot and whether anyone else recognizes it or not, it's important that YOU do. Keep coming here, you will be understood and cared about here by others who have gone through it or are going through it, and know that you will survive this...in the beginning we may not want to, along the way there'll be times we doubt it, but in the end, we do live through this and learn a tremendous amount along the way.



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