Its Been 23 Days Now..

[martina]

Well, its been 23 days now since David passed on. As you know from my past posts its taken a toll on me,emotionally,mentally,physically, as im sure when your loves passed on, it did the same.

The tears still fall, but its not as often as it was at the beginning.Im not drowning in them, and I feel im more able to swim to the surface now. I think Ive finally excepted that he's really,really gone. I fought agaisnt that in my mind, but my heart already knew it to be true.

Its just been completely the most emotional and life altering experience of my life. Im not the same person as I was,and probaly never will be.

I found now, that my sense of "being" is so finely tuned and extremely fragile. I know that a greater power resides in me that has helped me through all this,even though at times, im not aware its there. It is the force thats within, that clings to me and keeps me going, even when my feet feel like stone, and my eyes are blind with tears,it is the power that keeps me from total dispair. Without that power, I wouldnt have made it this far,and I know I have many more steps to go,but as long as its there,im going to be ok.

[Lainey]

Wow Martina,

At 23 days I was still in a fog and nowhere near being to cope with the fact that Lars had actually passed. He suffered for four months at home and in hospital, and was in hospice for eight days, but when he passed I was still unprepared to deal with it. You force yourself to go through the motions, but really have no idea as to what you are doing.

Let yourself grieve as much as you have to,enjoy the up days and embrace the down days, they will heal you.

Lainey

[kayc]

I think at 23 days out I was frantic and in a fog...that whole time is kind of a blur. It was horrible, nothing I want to remember.

[SHeiss]

Martina,

I understand your pain and I am so very sorry for your loss. My dad passed away 6 weeks ago and though we knew it was going to happen for over a year I still managed to lose it. I still find myself crying for him and dreaming about him and trying to "move on" I don't know that I will ever be the same person again. I am not sure I want to be. I feel bad trying to go on with life without him like I am "leaving him out or behind" It is something I hope I can just learn to cope with. I hope you find it easier and easier as time passes.

Sharla

[Deb625]

Martina,

I just want to say it hurts beyond anything I/you ever felt you would ever feel, it isn't fair and the reality just sucks - but you are right that it is a new life that you have to try to live for many, many reasons and we need to give it time and 7 1/2 months in I know it will still take time (a lot of time) however, for now I see it as learning to crawl, then walk then hopefully run... The "other half" missing from our life will always be there with us, in everything we do, see, sense and touch. The fact is that we are still here, and we are left to cope with the new life alone. It is not fair, but it is reality. There is light, the memories, the laughter - they will always be apart of our being and apart of our strength in getting through this. I'm grateful for all of us on this site - a place to share our love for the one we lost and our tragedy in losing them. Take care, Deb