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Southern Girl

Superman's Death Part 2

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QWhen I reread the first posting I wrote, I recall the moment it finally sank in that I wasn't going to see him again. Atleast not here on earth. When my father died, I packed my things and moved 1600 miles away. A new place and a fresh start,atleast I thought. I couldn't handle staying in my hometown ,knowing everywhere I went would only remind me of him. Id leave the house and run into old friends of his asking of him and it only got harder to have to tell the story over and over. I thought leaving would help me but looking back I wish I would have confronted the demons of my grief head on. I was all alone in a one bedroom apartment. Away from everything I had ever known and I hid myself in going to work and then straight to my bed. I found myself somewhere along the lines and found my way back home to the arms of my family. Today I'm married and have had what would have been his first grandchild. That's very tough to swallow, especially when I see so much of him in my son. I long to hug my father and tell him I love him. To say the things I always thought I had tomorrow to say. God has a plan for us. But its up to us to make something of this plan, to actually follow it through and make something of ourselves. I find comfort in visiting his grave and telling him about life and how I always think of him. I was 18 years old when my father died of cancer and I was envious of the plus years my older siblings had with him. I wanted the extra time too. What I want to say is don't dwell on the past. Don't beat yourself up about what you didn't do or say. Cherish what you did have the courage to say and do. This is what matters. And keep that in your heart. Its hard losing someone near and dear to us,but its harder when you don't let those bottled up emotions out. I love you daddy, look over us and I'm still making sure mom knows how special and important she is, just like you wanted..

Jessy Ray

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