Honoring Our Loved One's Wishes

[kayc]

As you may know, my husband died of a heart attack...one of a succession of many, only the last two diagnosed properly. The last thing he asked of me was that I get my heart tested. As always, his thoughts were of me and the kids. Today I honored that request. I fought to get the referral for a stress test, and today I got up at 5:00 a.m. to make the 1 1/2 hour trip to the hospital. It was hard, going to the cardiac unit, knowing that just 44 days ago my husband was there...and never got to come home. But I did it, through tears, and I await the results. Knowing that this was his request, it indicated to me that he wanted me to take care of myself, that he wanted me to live. So regardless of how I feel, I eat healthy, I exercise, I do what I can do to have a positive frame of mind. Some days I do better than others...but always, I try. It is strange how you can think you're doing okay one minute and totally not the next. It reminds me that this is not simply a stage to get through, but rather this is a changed life that we must adapt to...a life not of our choosing or making, but it's ours now. A dear friend, 83 years old and widowed for 4 years now, told me last night when I lamented to her, "Why did I have to be left?! Why couldn't God have taken both of us together?!"...she answered, "Because He has some purpose for you, maybe it is to help someone else, maybe it is to learn something, maybe it's just something else that He has for you, but you will know eventually." She still cries over and misses her husband, she knows how hard it is, but she keeps her focus forward. What a wise lady! She is 83 but don't tell her, she thinks she's 40. She has so impressed me with her remarkable spirit and zest for life! I know why God has left her...now I need to find out why He has left me...

[Gisela]

Congratulations, Kayc. I understand completely your words. Every single one. That´s what I am doing. I need to find out why I was left behind. I do pray for God to help us to find out.

Lots of love,

Gisela