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I could never imagine I would ever be so lonely. I don't feel that I have friends left, they stopped calling as I wasn't answering the phone for a long time. I feel it is my fault, I know I avoid people most of the time, and that I am depressed and sometimes mean to them, when they say some stupid remarks, and I know that if I was them I probably wouldn't want to spend time with me - so what do I expect?!?? But I can't pretend that I am doing fine, I can't pretend that I'm happy or that I'm interested in their new car or something, I can't laugh at their jokes or talk about where to buy furniture (at least not with any interest). I'm sometimes hostile to people because they have their LIVES. No, nobody understands, I'm so alone.

thanks for listening ...

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spela,

WE understand...we'ere going through the same things. I feel like i've run people off by crying or obsessing/talking about George. But ow can I think about anything else? I'm sure it isn't pleasant to be around me either. But how can I be any different? I've forced myself to get out, and I have to go to work, but my heart isn't in the things I used to do and enjoy. I do love walking in the woods, but right now the ball of my foot is swollen and hurts really bad so I can't even do that comfortably...why is it that everything good is taken from me and I'm told "this is God's will"? Either people have a warped idea of God or He must really have it in for me. Either way, it's not the way I've ever known Him to be. If I could just see where George is and know he's okay and that we'll be together again, but now people have even messed up that image by telling me "there is no guarantee that we'll know each other". I'd like to see their husband die and how they'd like being told that. Lonely is a gross underestimation for what we're feeling, this feeling goes on and on...

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KayC,

one thing I DO believe is that he is well, I believe that he is in a wonderful peaceful place and surrounded with love. I also believe that I will see him again. It's the time until then that I have to figure out what to do and how to live. I know how hard it is when people say such stupid remarks, when you're too vulnerable to be able to ignore them. Eventually you learn to do that and just don't listen to them. BUT that leads to spending time alone. And I do need to talk about him with someone who knows him. I went out with his sister yesterday and it felt good to talk about him - she is the only person I can talk to. Most people don't mention him, and I just hate it, it makes me feel like they've already forgotten him???

I am sure you and George will know each other. How couldn't you? With so much love between you two - he's there with you now, you feel each other's love and you always will.

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Thanks...last night I slept with his robe on, I want him around me. I, too, like to talk about him. I have a friend that talks with me about him, and it does feel good. I am disappointed that his friends and people from his job seem to have moved on like he never existed. I don't understand that. He would be disappointed that they didn't keep in contact with me. And his family! They haven't contacted me since the service and only three of them showed up at that...he was one of 11 kids and all but one lives nearby. Truly amazing. He was always there for them. His son hasn't even called and his daughter has only emailed me once. He's only had a couple of friends that have stayed in touch with me regularly, but that helps me so much. It's good to share memories and smile. And my family keeps his memory alive, they love him so much, not only because he made me happy, but because they all love his personality. There is no one like him. We have our memories and no one can take that away or change it...they also can't change the special relationship we have. I've noticed that the worst remarks seem to come from those who don't have a good relationship with their husband, because they are the ones who don't understand, and I am so sorry for them. Our relationship was passionate and complete. I'd rather have had that short time with him than a lifetime with someone else. We lived more in that short time than most people do in a lifetime.

God be close to you today and surround you with comforting memories that warm you. We are getting through this, a little at a time, helping each other through it. I don't know what I'd do if not for the people on this website, it really helps to feel there's someone else that understands...

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