Recently Lost Both Parents

[Neicy]

It has been 8 1/2 months since my father died of Cancer and 6 months since my mother died from complications after having a knee replacement surgery. I also lost my best friend David 10 months ago and he would of been the one to help me get through all of this. What friends I do have are not very supportive. I suppose alot of that is because the week before my dad died I moved to a new community that is an hour away from my friends. I have no friends here, I work and I hide. I don't know what to do anymore. My family is going through what I am. It seems when we get together for anything we talk about everything but our feelings about our parents deaths. I want to bring it up but I don't want to continue a hurt for them that they may have dealt with already. ICan anyone help me please.

[DebFromLodi]

My mom died after having knee replacement surgery also. She died 2-2-08 at 11:34 am. She just never recovered from it. She was 89 when she had the surgery, way too old at the time. I am so sorry for what you are going through. My dad has been gone since 1979. Please come to this site when you need to talk. We are all here for you. Things do get easier, but there is not a day that goes by that i don't speak to my mom and ask God for a sign. I don't think it will ever get better, just a little easier. I guess i am use to her not being here now, and i hate that feeling. She was and still is, the most important person in my life (besides my daughter of course). You only have one mom. It hurts so much. I will pray for you to find the comfort that you need.

[niamh]

Neicy,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom,Dad and friend David,wow,one is MORE than enough.

I have no words of real comfort,I wish they existed but I hope coming here you will find that maybe you are not as alone as you might feel right now. I lost my dear Dad suddenly almost 16mnths ago,I still feel stunned that this is reality now.

I get that pink elephant in the room noone mentions.sometimes I will mention something about needing my Dad and some people completely ignore what I've said and that's hard,it's not like I've made some stupid comment on the weather. I definitely find family can be the hardest to get support from,everyone deals so so differently.

Have you thought about a bereavement support group at all? I'm sorry your friends are not supportive either, I think so many people don't know how to deal with someone grieving,what to say,what to do.it's like we are suddenly in such a different club and some just cannot relate or handle it well.

Please know we are always here to talk and share,none of us can ease your pain but we can share with you.

I do have some very supportive friends but I really don't know how I would have survived and continue to survive without the angels on this site.

Do you think you could even ask one family member how they are really doing.....perhaps everyone is thinking like you,assuming others are "ok" so not wanting to bring it up.

I don't think mentioning it will really bring anymore hurt than losing your parents has brought.

I know sometimes people think "don't mention it,don't remind them".....well my feeling is we don't need reminders,we know and think of it every single day so I like when someone acknowledges something.

Sending hugs,comfort and peace to you,I hope you keep sharing with us

Ni

[Cat_Lady]

Dear Neicy, I am so sorry for the loss of both your parents. I too have lost both parents, most recently my Mom in January this year. I wish I could say that time heals this loss but I am still struggling. I can say that coming here and the support of the others who have experienced loss is a great comfort. Please keep coming back so that we can all be here and comfort one another and share.

[2sweetgirls]

Hi Neicy,

First of all, welcome to this site although under the worst of circumstances. I am so sorry for the loss of both of your parents. I, too, am in the same club. I lost my mom 11-09 and my dad 10-10. I see that you have lost your parents with a short time in between also. It's like being kicked when you are already down. How are you supposed to be able to get up, right?

I read your post when you first wrote it but, found it difficult to reply to you until now after trying a few times. Losing one parent is enough to deal with but, both and a close friend with not a second to catch your breath...I couldn't find the words.

I'm sorry you are far from your friends and have no support system when you are currently. I think a support group would be a great idea. I didn't think it would help me but finally I did go and it was nice to be able to be face to face with others. I agree with Niamh - this website has been a Godsend because really you can write anything and someone will write back and validate that you are not going crazy.

I have a really good friend who has been supportive. We talk freely and her empathy always makes me feel better. I try not to share too much of the details because her father was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer recently and is undergoing chemo. She is relentless with the questions and picking of my brain (in the most delicate of ways, of course) because, I think, she is trying to "prepare" herself. We all know that is not possible. I will be there for her when her time comes as she was and is for me. Other friends listen when I open up the conversation but, not much else. I guess I was probably similar before it was my turn to wear these shoes.

As far as talking to family, I felt that way too in the beginning, with my brother. He actually arrived a few days earlier when dad was in the hospital and he was talking and for intents and purposes, was ok. By the time I got there a few days later, he was already deteriorating and couldn't talk. He had his senses, at times, and knew that we were there but I was not to hear his voice again. Watching this was really hard on my brother (me too, of course) and I felt that I had to be strong for him in the beginning. After a short time, when I felt it was right, we spoke and still do, mostly sharing good memories and such. We send each other texts of sayings they would say. It makes me feel like I'm not alone in thinking of them because he is too. So, maybe when you think the time is right, you can mention it to someone in your family. Like Niamh said - maybe they are feeling the same way in not wanting to mention it. Someone has to make the first move. It may make you feel a bit better.

I wish you some peace.

2sweetgirls