Both My Parents Have Died

[avsqr_dancer]

Today I buried my father, just 7 weeks after my mom died. Sometimes it still seems unreal, but I know that is not! I know that others have written about losing both parents in a short amount of time. I'd be interested in how you coped with losing both parents, and how you grieved for both of them at the same time. Any input would be appreciated and just to hear from other people in a similar situation would be helpful.

avserl

[Paula]

7 weeks is such a short time. I lost my dad in Dec. 2000 and my mom 2 years 4 months latter. I was so close to both of them and they died suddenly. I'm still having a very hard time. At first I couldn't look at any pictures without crying. Then I couldn't look at enough. I made enlargments and wanted to hang them all over the house. But now I'm back to crying every time I look at them. I had to take them off the walls. Is that normal? Thank God for support groups like this. They really help.

After my dad died I was in such shock but what kept me going was trying to help my mom thru it. She became so depressed and I really tried keeping her busy. Then after she died it was so hard. And still is.

People that have never had a loss like this don't know what to do or say. They don't want to mention your parents when they talk to you. But I want to talk about them. In a small way it's as if the're still here and not forgotten.

Stay in touch with people who understand and care.

God Bless, Paula

[avsqr_dancer]

Thanks for your response. 7 weeks is so short and sometimes it still doesn't feel real. But I know that it is and it is really hard to accept that I will never see them again. Although I had some issues with my mom growing up, we were able to finally resolve them and have a good relationship the last few years of her life. Her death was very sudden and unexpected. I was always very close to my dad-a real "daddy's girl" and I never thought I could survive his death. Of course I am-I have to, there is no choice. He had many health problems over the years, but always fought them off. But he didn't want to after Mom died-plus he had dementia and he just went so rapidly downhill after her death. So not unexpected, but difficult.

I don't think that there is anything that is "normal" or not "normal" when it comes to grieving. You need to do whatever you can do to help yourself heal-whatever seems to help, as long as you don't hurt yourself, of course. Anyway thanks again for the response. People don't seem to know what to say about this kind of loss, I find, so some have said nothing to me at all. better to talk to others in the same place.

Serl

[STARKISS]

HI, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING I TOO AM FINDING IT HARD TO THINK THAT BOTH OF MY PARENTS ARE NOW DECEASED. I LOST MY MOM APRIL 18, 2005 AND WE SAID GOOD BYE TO MY DAD AUGUST 25, 2005. HIS FUNERAL WAS TODAY AND WHAT AN EMOTIONAL DAY IT WAS. I HOPE THAT YOU KNOW THAT YOU WILL SEE YOUR LOVED ONE AGAIN AND WITH THAT LET US CELEBRATE THEIR LIVES BECAUSE THEY WOULD NOT WANT US TO BE SAD. TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

[onlychild]

I lost both my parents within 35 hours! It will be two years next week that my world was shaken to the core. My mom was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2002. I was devastated. I am an only child and my parents meant the world to me. About a year after the diagnosis, mom began going downhill rapidly. My dad was beside himself. They had been married 51 years and that was all he knew. He told me on two different occasions, he had been praying God would take him first. That is the way he felt it needed to be because he was 7 years older than mom. I assured him and reassured him I would help him through the pain as best as I could, but that it was obvious God intended to take mom home first. Little did I know, how wrong I was. On the 4th of April 2003, the Lord called my dad home by means of an aortic aneursym. Within three hours of arriving at the hospital, he was gone. Mom was at home, unconscience. She never knew.

I made the necessary arrangements, just going through the motions, in complete shock. Spent the night at the house with mom while sending my husband and two children back to collect our things for the next day. During the next day (April 5) which happened to be her 72nd birthday, mom had gotten noticeably worse. While changing to go to the visitation for my dad, mom passed away. Within 35 hours, I had lost BOTH parents. The pain is unexplainable! However, God heard and knew the pain they were both in. Mom, from her cancer and having to leave her family and Dad from losing his wife of 51 years. In God's indescribable, endless grace, He called Dad home before he could experience the numbing loss of his wife and allowed Mom to sleep right through it. Neither one of them had to experience the loss they both dreaded so.

They are now in Heaven, and wouldn't come back for any reason. I am thankful to God He spared them. I am thankful for the comfort He gives me daily. Even though it still pierces my heart, I know they are happy, and that makes me happy, even through my frequent tears. God is a God of matchless compassion!

I will keep you in my prayers, I know how difficult it is, but if you will allow the Lord to see you through it, He can comfort you like no other. Bless you.

Only Child

[avsqr_dancer]

Thanks for your replies and your support. I sympathize with your pain also and wish you a healthy recovery. I am finding that some days, or some hours are better than others. Sometimes I almost think that I am okay, then something will remind me of them and I will feel the pain again. I am also having to deal with the reporting of their deaths to all the various necessary places, which also drains and depresses me. I didn't realize how many places needed to be contacted or how long this would go on after the funerals. It seems never ending-although some of it involves calls to insurance companies to get the money now payable to my brother and I. I had barely finished these calls about my mother, so I could get Dad money he needed, but then he died. Although the money doesn't seem that important right now, I know that both Mom and Dad set it up so that their assests would go to us so I perserve on. But each place I call wants something different. Anyway I guess the reporting becomes part of the grieving process. Thanks for listening and responding. All of you are in my prayers.

avsqr_dancer