2 Years

[michelle5]

Yesterday was 2 years. I cannot believe that he died that long ago. I can remember sitting in the hospital when he stopped breathing at 7:05 in the morning. It was the saddest thing that I have ever had to go through. Sometimes I feel like I have come so far. There are so many things that I have gotten used to doing on my own, and I have learned to take care of things that I have never had to before. Other times, I just feel very alone. I dont have many friends on this side of the country, and my children are not quite old enough to understand how I feel. (My oldest is 16, and he offered to listen to how I feel! I dont think it is his job to deal with my emotions, though.)

I wanted to stay in bed all day, but that was ruined when there was a training scheduled at work. My choices were to attend yesterday, or on the 17th. I had to drag myself out of bed, or I would have missed my son's graduation from kindergarden. As much as I would like to have been selfish...I put my kids first! I went into work and put a smile on my face. It was a very long day.

I sat with my 6 year old and watched the video from the memorial service before he went to bed. He is the only one who has watched it with me. I went the entire day without crying until the video! It was an accomplishment. It made me a little bit sad because he does not remember most of the people that were there. He asked who the people speaking at the service were. I had to tell him that they were his daddy's closest friends. They do not have any contact with us anymore, and I wish that they did. It would be nice to have someone that liked the same things as my husband around. They could have offered to do things with my son that I cannot do. (fishing, football, car races...) I dont know how to do many of these things, and I feel like the kids miss out on things like this that they would have with 2 parents.

Well, I made it through the day! Now I just have to get through the day of the service. (Mother's Day!)

Thanks for listening.

[melina]

Michelle,

You made it through the day - and with three kids to take care of! That's an accomplishment. That you've managed on your own with your kids for two years is also a huge accomplishment. I understand the pain and emptiness - even after two years. You've done exceptionally well with this tough situation.

It's been nine months for me, and I feel it every day. I only have a teenager and a dog to take care of, in addition to a job. But I've got three other sons in their twenties out of the house, and I feel like I have to be strong for everyone else. That takes a lot out of me - as I'm sure it does with you too. Grief is exhausting.

I hope for all of us that life eventually becomes more enjoyable and easier to live.

Melina

[kayc]

Michelle,

I think it's terribly sweet of your 16 year old and I don't think it's out of line to share with him some of how you feel, I have with my son at times and I think it's made us closer, those times we can open up and share our hearts. It is not his place to feel responsible for you and siblings but it doesn't hurt for you to open up about how you miss your husband.

It's been six years for me and I still feel very alone at times. I've been alone so long now that I am afraid I've gotten set in my ways but it would be nice to have more friends and not feel so alone.