Chelsea Is Dying

[MartyT]

Shelley, dear, I'm so sorry you're feeling so alone tonight, with no one to talk to about missing Chelsea. If I had a magic wand I could wave to "make it stop," I would use it in a heartbeat ~ but we both know that is not possible. What is more, you also know that our Grief Healing Discussion Groups message board is not a 24-hour crisis line, so all we can do is point you to other resources.

If you need to talk to someone in person about missing Chelsea, you might try going to this page on my Grief Healing website: Helplines ~ Message Boards ~ Chats. There you will find a long list of Pet Loss Support Telephone Helplines. I don't know your time zone, and not all of these phone lines are staffed late at night, but at least you can call and leave a message so someone could return your call in the morning.

At the very least, please know that you have been heard, and we are thinking of you and holding you close. ♥

[Ron B.]

Hi Shelley. Even though I haven't had a dog (I've only had cats), I can sense how raw your grief still is over losing Chelsea. Just being able to talk or write out some of your feelings helps, I'm sure of it. I'm kind of stumped over how my own grief resurges, in my case over the loss of my Mother. Each year to the day of my Mom's passing I get very emotional. And I hardly know what to do with myself. I get desperate feelings. And a kind of raw pain engulfs me that's still beyond my comprehension. But I have found something that really helps me cope, and I want to share it with you.

All I've got left of my Mom are physical things. About the closest I can get to her now is to work with her photos, and I've got lots of them. So when I feel that grief is beginning to take me apart, I go to the photos. These are mostly old photos from when she was a child, teen, or young Mom with kids. And here's what I do. I don't just look at the photos. I restore them. Many are old, faded, dusty, scratched. fingerprinted, blotched, or discolored. I have this graphics software, Photoshop, and in the past year I've become pretty skilled with it. Every speck of dust or grime on my Mom or her clothing gets lovingly cleaned to best-possible-restoration. Likewise with whatever else is in the photo. And there is a new fresh clarity in the photo when finished. Then I send the photos to my brothers, sister, and relatives. I am making certain that my Mother's legacy survives well.

Now here's the interesting thing. Yes I grieve while working with the photos. But it's not a raw & brutal kind of grieving. It's caring and contemplative. I love that I have this focused activity for my grief. Most of the time I get completely lost in the work. Hours pass. And maybe I've just done a couple photos. But my emotions find good expression. And those one, two, or three restored photos are treasures.

More recently I've been working with my father's, grandmother's, and grandfather's photos. And it's become more than just grief-work. Working with these photos helps me discover who I am.

Shelley, I hope you can find something, anything, into which you can pour some of your heart-felt emotions. For me it's photo restoration. Other people in these forums write poetry, listen to music, go for nature walks, do gardening, keep companion pets, or a gazillion other things. Finding the right kind of grief-work helps us heal, at least that's what I believe.

Sorry to pile on so many words! I just hope you can find an activity that will help with your grief. And remember to be kind to yourself! That's part of the cure.

Ron B.

[kayc]

Thank you, Marty, and Ron, for your wonderful responses. Shelly, I feel your pain and understand, I've lost many pets and some of them stand out esp. and are extremely difficult to lose. Your Chelsea was that way. I'm afraid of how I'll handle it when my time comes next...my granddoggy, Skye, is not doing well and he's been with me almost as much as my son.

It's normal to feel pain at losing your beloved dog, they are our faithful companions and we develop attachments to them as strong as if they were our own child....maybe stronger in some ways as they don't go through the stages of pulling away from us like teens and grown children sometimes do. I send you hugs and wish I could do more for you.

Kay

[kaanen]

I'm so sorry Shelly, I know how much pain you are in, I wish I could make it better for you.

6 years ago my dog had back leg problems too, he had cancer and his paws would buckle under, the vet said eventually he wouldn't be able to walk or get up at all and that's what happened, he was 11 years old and even though he had had a wonderful happy life it was so painful to let him go.

Even now sometimes when I talk about him I feel teary but I can also smile when I think of the funny things he used to do, it is so hard but know that so many understand how you feel.

I honestly thought I'd never be able to smile when I thought of him and it did take a long time.

My dog now is ill and I dread the day when we have to make that decision, I am trying to enjoy him and not distress him by being upset in front of him.

We understand how you are feeling, take care of yourself and big hugs to you.

[kayc]

kaanan, I'm feeling that way with my granddoggy too. Tomorrow my son and DIL are bringing Skye by my house for me to take care of for the next couple of weeks...I will enjoy being with him and deal with his being crippled and incontinent (did I also mention he seems slightly retarded?). He is the sweetest dog in the world and to me it's no different than having a person you love...you just do what you have to do for them and enjoy the time you have with them.

You're in my thoughts as you go through this with your dog. Gosh, a day at a time, just like with everything else, huh? Seriously, you're in my prayers.

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I know that Chelsea is in a good place now and that my dad and mom are with her... She was a yellow lab and it was love at first site... I miss her but realize that she needed to go and so it is hard but I know someday i will see her again... shelley

[kayc]

Shelley,

(((hugs)))

Kay