Feeling The Need To Shake The Sadness

[Perkins808]

I woke up to another dreary day.....and again decided that I would fight to find some happiness today. Some days seem to be so much easier than others but I really think if you stay focused, you can always find even the slightest thing to feel good about.

Today I ran into a student with autism in the hallway - he seemed a little more excited than usual....when I asked how he was doing he gave me a big grin. In his hand he had a red pencil....when I gave his teacher a puzzled look she explained that he had found it on the floor in the hallway and was very excited to be able to keep it. A red pencil....and he looked like he had just found a million dollars. So today, I smile.....because of a red pencil.

I hope you all are able to find some peace today.

Hugs,

Tammy

[mfh]

Difficult to find something tonight....I could list a lot of negatives but of course...I do not wish to do that here. Soooo I will say that I had my book club here tonight including the author of the book we all read. One woman came to me quietly at our break and said ever so softly...that she knew I was in a lot of pain, wanted to reach out to me and that she knows what it is like to weep. A real gift to me. I am grateful for her sensitivity. We were interrupted so I emailed her when they were all gone reaching back to her to have coffee and share. I never expected that particular person to be so sensitive....lovely gift.

[nats]

Hello All,

My happiness today was just doing the little things around the house, grocery shopping, a trip to Walmart, then preparing dinner for my friend, after dinner we did some catching up on a few episodes of "Nurse Jackie" a Showtime series......nice evening.....

[sunstreet]

I love this thread! I have kept a grateful journal for years now and find it to be one of my greatest tools in my healing. I never go a day without writing down at least one thing I am grateful about.

Today I am grateful that my health was good enough I could get out to play the piano at the long term care facility where I volunteer and brighten some of the resident's day.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[kayc]

Lat night I had dinner with a friend and then came home and walked Arlie inbetween rain showers. I always feel fortunate if I can catch our walks inbetween them! I had fun throwing Arlie's goose and ball for him.

Today...well I'm still waiting for something good to happen...maybe tonight. It's been a hard day at work but I get off in four hours.

[mfh]

Well, today again...I was having a very difficult time and the door bell rang. A friend was there who had just lost her grandchild and we sat and talked and wept together. It felt like she was sent to me and I to her. Grateful...again. mfh

[Perkins808]

So yesterday I was doing some housework and had the tv on in the background. Oprah was on - one of her final shows....and Rascall Flats was performing. Now I'm not a big country music fan but it caught my attention, and although I wasn't really paying attention to it I found myself wondering today what the song was because the tune was still running through my head.

I'm not sure if anyone has heard this song - but I looked it up on youtube and when I put the head phones on and really listened to it I was stunned. It is such a sweet song - and I could almost imagine my Jeff singing it to me from Heaven. It has had a huge effect on me - reminding me that when I am down I just need to remember that I will never be alone....he will always be with me.

In case anyone wants to listen - here's the link:

So today, I am grateful for this song....and the reminder that Jeff is always with me.

Hugs,

Tammy

[HAP]

All very small and passing moments today. Things were finally dry enough to mow the lawn, but i had to raise the blade to summer height to keep from stalling out. When i finished I went out into the road to look at things. The trees have all leafed out when i was not looking. We planted a Japanese Maple in the side yard years ago. Ir has done nothing for years but serve as rabbit food. Last fall we talked about moving it, but with Jane sick it just never got done. Today i discovered it has finally become the tree we wanted it to be. It is finally the perfect backdrop to one of our garden beds.

Then i went out on the deck to sit and look off into space. I realized we had built ourselves a wonderful oasis here. The southwest bed, the last major project we did together, has, after two years, formed into what we wanted it to be. The white azaleas frame the entrance just so.

Then a hummingbird flew up onto the porch--a female--and spent a few minutes having a dusk-time snack before going off to find somewhere to sleep. This is three days in a row she has been here, I think. The feeder is usually dominated by a little male, but she has waited patiently and now seems to have claimed the deck feeder as her own.

I finished my grades this afternoon. I will only have that task to do one more time this year--and then i will not have to do it again since I am retiring in June.

The sun finally emerged while i was mowing. If the clouds would just break for more than a few hours I am sure it would do all of us in New England a lot of good. If I wanted to live in Seattle I would move there. No offense to those of you in the Northwest, but every time i visit there it rains for days--which my family tells me is normal.

Small blessings all of them--but in combination a reason to raise my spirits--and I hope yours as well.

Peace,

Harry

[nats]

Thankful today for another day just enjoying "Life's Simple Things"....detailed the SUV and changed the oil, cut the casing for the new headbaord I built, had an enjoyable evening with Brenda, she made dinner and we watched "American Idol", I'm grateful I have someone to share with...very nice song Tammy...

NATS

[mfh]

Tammy....great song....grateful I had someone who stood by me and I have to believe some how he still is.

Grateful for the rain today....again. I know that sounds wierd but rainy days actually feel good to me...cool and rainy. On sunny warm days my pain is worse as those are the days we would ride the hills of Wisconsin together...get lost and then set the GPS (or map in days gone by) and find our way home.

[sunstreet]

Tammy...thank you for sharing this song....just wonderful. I feel such a grateful heart today for all of you here and I thank you all...that includes you too Marty.. I have had the last three days off from work and today I go back and I am grateful that my health is good enough so I can.

I feel so grateful that I am one of the lucky ones that have felt loved and gave love to the most amazing woman in the world. Melissa, taught my soul how to dance when I thought my soul was not my own. Many people never feel loved, nor able to give love and my heart bleeds for them. I am grateful that my heart remained open to receive Melissa's love...she literally took my breath away....how lucky was I!

I am grateful I am alive today.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[kayc]

You and me both MFH, my boss has been snapping at me all week and dropping impossible tasks on me with no time to do them...I'm wondering how much he thinks I can do by June 1st and then in 8 hours/week...

Today it's rainy...ahh but this is supposed to be a positive thread. Well then, I suppose you guys are tired of hearing it, but it's my dog, he really does keep me going. I came home and played with him last night, he never fails to bring a smile...my daughter says my whole countenance changes when he's around. He is the happiest, most fun and loving creature I have ever seen! He's more important to me than my home or anything.

[MartyT]

I for one will never tire of hearing how much you love your Arlie, Kay, especially in this particular thread (which I love). If any creature on earth can model how to "shake the sadness," watch Arlie the next time he takes a shake. When my Beringer does it I think it's wonderful. How I wish it were that simple for us human beings ♥

[nats]

Well Kay now that you reminded me I feel bad, I am so thankful for my two "pup dogs" as Ruth would call them, Gizmo a cocker/pikeniese mix that was Ruth's dog when I met her and still brings tears to my eyes when I play and love him there's so much Ruth in that dog it's amazing and Goober our pure bread shih tzu that my oldest son gave us and who is a Daddy's boy, they both keep me so much company sometimes I take them for granted, I will not be doing that from now on...when I think back they have helped me thru some pretty rough days...and something that really stands out is the way they act and play almost as if showing off for someone when I feel the presence of Ruth in the house, they get real wound up at times, some days they get that way before I feel Ruth's presence almost like when she used to come home from work...so Yes I'm thankful for my dogs they make me Happy...

NATS

[Perkins808]

Today I am so grateful because for the first time since Jeff died.....I had a dream about him.

In my dream I was asking him why he had been gone - and his response to me was that he didn't want to cause me any pain. I was able to take his face in my hands and look into his eyes....and tell him that he would never cause me pain, that I love him more than anything and him visiting me in my dreams was such a comfort to me.

I woke up this morning with a huge sense of peace.....reminded again that Jeff will always be with me.

Peace and hugs to you all,

Tammy

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

I think The Daily Om must have heard about this thread today:

Treasure Hunting: Discovering the Little Things That Make Us Happy

Rediscover the little things in life that make you happy; add a new little thing each day and be prepared to shine.

Life is full of little wonders that can make us happy. The sound of a baby's laughter, a good book, the comforting smell of a favorite old sweatshirt, and the warmth from a cup of hot tea are simple pleasures that can easily put smiles on our faces. These "little things" are easily accessible to us and can be sources for finding happiness. A key to doing so is taking the time to put those rose colored glasses from childhood back on so you can easily find the joy in all the "little things" that life has to offer. Read on here >>>>>

[mfh]

KayC, my Bentley (Golden Retriever) is my angel. I do not know what i would do without him, frankly. I am taking him to classes now to hopefully prepare him to be a therapy dog...he is MY therapy so perhaps he can help someone else on a Sunday afternoon at a nursing home or hospital. He makes me smile. I had to kennel him on Friday to Sunday morning and it was the first time (when I got home late Saturday night) that i have been alone in this house without him or anyone since Bill died. It made me realize just how much he means to me. The silence that I thought could not get any worse was far worse. Bentley is my angel and as he sleeps here at my feet right now...I am soo grateful for his presence. When Bill died in my arms, Bentley jumped up on the bed and curled up on our legs for a long time. Bentley regressed a lot (hence the classes for a 7 year old dog) but has bounced back. Yes, Marty, I wish we could do as well as the dogs and cats do. The picture is following Bentley's surgery after he ate a razor blade (part of his regression...he started destroying things and also destroyed himself). He is doing really well now. Thank you, Bentley.

[HAP]

There are a bunch of strands I'd like to respond to tonight, but I've just spent two hours working on stuff for the Relays for Life--shameless plug here--that I am doing in June. This is like running a small business in my spare time--an exhausting business in the week grades are due.

But i have promised myself to put something on this strand every night--except of course when I will not be here--the Relays are overnight events.

So today: My editor-in-chief and i were invited to tonight's school committee meeting so they could say nice things about us. We have won the All New England First Place in our division for the last 15 years and 16 of the last 17. The chairman of the committee is a former feature editor from the first years we started the paper.

My eic and i had a long talk afterwards and she asked me if I were disappointed that she was not going into journalism--she wants to study psychology. I told her less than five percent of my journalism students go into journalism--that the newspaper is a way to teach planning and organizing and thinking and decision-making based on real information rather than wishful thinking. Journalism is a means to that end. She got thoughtful for a minute, then smiled and said, "I see. That makes sense."

The committee thanked me for my years teaching and advising, then asked what would happen next year without me. I told them I knew two years ago I was likely retiring this year and that we have prepared next year's editors differently so that they will be able to educate whoever comes through the door what it means to be on this newspaper. I've also been actively recruiting people I think have what it takes to do what we do.

A former student came to see me today after school, just to say thank you. And another former student and his parents sent me a card announcing he had graduated from college this week.

My wife and I set out to make a difference in kids lives. Today was about being reminded that we both were very successful at doing just that.

Now there are some other lives that need our help. They just happen to be in a different age bracket--some of them.

Peace,

Harry

[kayc]

I love hearing all of your responses here. Sometimes I am too tired at night to go on line, so I often post the next day.

Yesterday I had a seminar to attend in my mom's neck of the woods, so I decided to take my mom to dinner. As most of you already know, my mom's mental state is really, really bad, she is a severe Paranoid, has some personality disorders like Histrionics, Narcissism, etc and now has Dementia thrown in the mix. Physically she's doing great for 89, but it's very difficult to be around her because of her mindset.

Well last night she wasn't too bad (for her). I don't look forward to seeing her because of what she puts us through, she's very negative and out of it, and even though she's still paranoid and her mind is so far gone, for just a moment last night she smiled and said "thank you for making my day brighter". It made me want to cry but I was glad for that moment. (Next week she may hate me for no reason, but I've learned to enjoy the good moments and try to let go of the bad ones).

[sunstreet]

Dear Kay,

I too will never tire of hearing about your love for your Arlie. I think we all could learn from our four legged friends.

I am grateful for my Cheekeh. His name means (The Power of God). He blesses my life more than I could ever express with mere words.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[Dwaynecg]

Pauline and I always loved animals. In Kansas we took care of a baby racoon, someone had killed the mother in an attic, she had 2 babies. We took one of them and took care of it until it was big enough to fend for itself. We have had birds, sugar gliders. Pauline had a couple Helping Hands Monkeys for about 18 years they were all fun and gives you joy. When Pauline passed we have this small long hair Chihuahua. She was always by Pauline. If she was in the kitchen she was by her side. If Pauline was in bed she was by her side. The last 3 weeks of her life sugar staid ed in bed by Pauline only left to eat and bathroom. She grieved when Pauline Passed. It took her a few days and now she stays by me all the time. It is good to have a pet when you go through the loss of your loved ones.

God Bless

Dwayne

[HAP]

Folks,

Today a former student who lost his father when he was still in high school came to see me. We talked about Jane and his dad and how everyone thought they had something simple that turned out not to be simple. We both shed a few tears together. He was, when he was in school here, one of those kids Jane and i taught for. Not the best student, not the worst student, but someone who was trying to figure out how to be a good human being.

Then i walked out to the courtyard where they are putting in a garden in my wife's memory. They let slip that they are going to put a bench in there with Jane's name on it. Today they did mostly clean-up and some small plantings. The bench will be surrounded by a flower bed. Jane would have liked it. In the summer we would go up to the Lakes Region in NH. One of the places we liked to walk was an old rail line that had been turned into a walking and bike path along the lake. There were benches there dedicated to people who had died that had made a difference locally. This will do the same for the woman I love. I am getting all weepy thinking about it here. There are just so many beautiful gestures going on.

We started finalizing our plans for the Greater Taunton Relay for Life today. One of the secretaries here works with the Greater Fall River one that we are doing at the end of the month. She gave us a laundry list of ideas, some of which we may be able to get together for next Friday. The t-shirts are being printed as I write this.

Thank you all for all you do. For all the support i get from people at school and from my other friends here--and reading here I know how blessed i am in that--few of them understand really what I am dealing with. I feel I spend some time every day trying to sugarcoat how I am feeling and how I am doing for the people around me. Here I do not feel any need to do that.

And thank you especially Tammy for coming up with this strand. Reading here each night does me so much good. And writing here each night does me even more good. It makes me look at the good things that are happening for each of you--reminds me to look at each of my days for the good that sits sometimes at the margins where I would not notice them if i were not determined to add to this storehouse of positive energy every day. Even the darkest days are not quite so dark after I read what each of you has written. Nor are they quite so dark when i see that my day had some brightening in it--even if i was too dense to see it at the time.

Peace,

Harry

PS:

Have to think about getting a dog after I retire. You all make it sound like a good idea.

HAP

[Perkins808]

Today I am grateful that this thread is still going. I sign on everyday looking forward to hearing everyone's positive stories.....it is truly uplifting.

Yes, I read and post to the other threads. Through them I feel I am not alone, I've learned to be more patient with myself and to allow this process to unfold in front of me without trying to rush through it.

Thank you to all my friends here.....it's good to know that whether I am having a hard time or have a happy story to share, someone here is always listening.

Hugs,

Tammy

p.s. - Another thing I am so amazingly grateful for - my girls. "My World!"

[kayc]

Harry, That is so wonderful! How cool is that! My husband practically killed himself for his job...always working harder, harder, going above and beyond and when he died (heart attack...started at work) they didn't even send flowers or a card, let alone a representative from the company. And he even gave his boss rides to/from work even though it cost him an extra two hours driving every day, for free! He did it so his boss' wife wouldn't have to get up and take him because they had a newborn baby. But that business is gone now, the largest employer in town, and it's just gone. It put my son-in-law out of work in the process. There sure is a difference between employers! so when I see someone erect a memorial for an employee, it blesses my soul...I wish they'd all do that for their exceptional employees.

Today I was supposed to have eye surgery but I'm afraid it's going to be postponed...I only wish it meant I wouldn't need it at all but I'm afraid that's not the case, I'd rather get it over with as this is the last month I'll have insurance. But who knows why God does things like He does, only He knows that.

Okay, on to my something good...I know, the same old, same old, but it's all I can think of that's been good this week...my beloved dog. What would I do without him? Last night he came and sat beside me and gave me kisses...what's sweeter than that! I'm about to take him on a walk..it's pouring rain...you see, if not for my dog I could think of a thousand excuses not to walk, but who knows but what these walks aren't saving my life?

[nats]

Kayc, you are so right do we really know what keeps us going during these peaks and valleys of grief?

We all have much to be thankful for, even when it seems we don't....

Today and everyday I'm thankful and happy for my job during these tough economic times...I'm thankful and happy I have dinner plans and will not be home alone tonight.... I'm thankful and happy I'm finding my way a day at a time.....

NATS