Guest janie Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Im writing on this forum because i feel alone and to know that there are people out there that are sharing my pain of losing a parent. I lost my mom back in january. She was my best friend, the person i turned to when i had problems. She loved me so much and made me feel a worthwhile person and special. her death has left a huge void in my life. its been 5 months on and i feel worse than ever, giving up a very good job as i couldnt cope with normal everyday life, not really being interested in everyday things, all i want to do is sleep, not see my friends and i get angry with anyone who hasnt experienced the same pain. I feel alone and isolated and would love to hear from anyone who feels the same xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaRosa Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Hi Janie, I lost my mom almost 7 months ago and I can relate with everything you said. I'm angry, I feel alone (even though I'm not), and I don't want to do anything but sleep and wallow in my sadness. However, I force myself to go to work everyday and to get out with my husband, my dad, or my friends. It's not always easy -- in fact, yesterday I had a huge meltdown at work and ended up crying uncontrollably in the bathroom. Like you and your mom, I was very close with mine as well and my life feels empty without her. My dad and I have a great relationship, but it's just not the same. I have a friend who lost her dad 10 years ago, so we talk a lot and it's nice to have someone who truly understands what I'm feeling and going through. I find that other people mean well, but they don't truly "get it" and it just ends up being awkward when I try to talk to them about my mom or my grief. So I don't. I come on here and another private message board and talk to others who are going through the same things I am. This board has helped me tremendously -- it's made me realize that I'm NOT going crazy, what I'm experiencing IS normal, and I WILL get through it. An acquaintance of mine lost her mom when she was 16 and she told me from the beginning that this is not something one "gets over" -- we just learn to live with the pain. Some days are easier than others, and at 7 months out, I still have some really bad days, but they are getting more spread out. I've been told by many people that the grief might tend to get worse around the 6 month mark, so maybe that is what you're experiencing? Erin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nicholas Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Dear Janie, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mother when I was 19 and I thought I would never recover, but the pain gradually lessened and I definitely did "get over it" (hate that expression). But now, having lost my son in December, I feel much, much worse than I did back in 1979 and just hope that this time the pain will ease. Take care and be strong. Nicholas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janie Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Hi BellaRosa Thank you for taking the time to reply to me this forum is really helping me as it makes me feel not so alone and isolated. Ive decided to go to the doctors tomorow as ive admitted to myself that im not coping. I can cry so easily and get so annoyed and iritated and its so different to my 'normal' personality. When your parents are gone it does feel like part of you is missing i know everyone will go through this grief at some time and its just so comforting to hear other peoples emotions and not feel so alone xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janie Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Hi Nicholas Thats such a young age to lose your parent it must have been devastating. I at least had 39 years and it would have never have been enough but i have to think that way she was wonderful and very loving and im extremely lucky. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son that is the ultimate loss any person can go through and words fail me as its so unfair. My brother died 3 years ago last sunday and my mom never recovered. All i can say is please email me if you need to im here to listen Janie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaRosa Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Janie, I'm glad you're going to talk to your doctor. I've dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life, but I had been off of any meds for almost 6 months when my mom passed. I tried to cope with it on my own, but I ended up having to go back on them for a couple of months. They helped take the really extreme emotions away so that I could still go to work and function. Erin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janie Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 I was trying not to go on medication for 5 months until the point came yesterday where i finally admitted to myself i wasnt coping with the situation. I find day to day tasks a bind and have felt unsociable, not like me atall im usually described as a social butterfly but being with people tends to make me feel even more alone as they dont understand. Would you recommend anti depressants for a short term solution to help me cope?x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaRosa Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 I'm not a doctor and everyone is different, so all I can do is tell you that they worked for me to get me through a couple of months. Remember that there are many many different medications, too. The best thing to do is talk honestly with your doctor and I'm sure he/she will tell you what they think is best for you. Other things that have helped me are keeping a journal (I write letters to my mom and tell her what's going on, how much I miss her, etc.), this board, and talking to other people who have lost a parent. Oh, and I'm still working on it, but the book Motherless Daughters has helped me to feel not so alone and crazy as well. It's incredibly difficult to deal with. I cry when I need to and don't beat myself up about it. People here reminded me to be kind to myself when I first arrived on the board, and they're right. You're going through an emotionally draining time right now and it's ok to NOT feel ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janie Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 I know how you feel, janie. I lost my mom 2 months ago. We lived together and now I've gotten to the point I can get through the day but the evening time is when I feel so depressed and alone cause that was when she'd come home from work and we'd keep each other company. I try to remember she wouldn't want me to be sad and that I don't have to worry about her being in any pain. But it's like a gap of yourself that's missing. I just don't know what to do with myself in the evenings. I try to watch comedies, play video games, tune out. But it's so hard cause my mind keeps drifting back to her being gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janie Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 I know how you feel, janie. I lost my mom 2 months ago. We lived together and now I've gotten to the point I can get through the day but the evening time is when I feel so depressed and alone cause that was when she'd come home from work and we'd keep each other company. I try to remember she wouldn't want me to be sad and that I don't have to worry about her being in any pain. But it's like a gap of yourself that's missing. I just don't know what to do with myself in the evenings. I try to watch comedies, play video games, tune out. But it's so hard cause my mind keeps drifting back to her being gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janie Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 I know how you feel, janie. I lost my mom 2 months ago. We lived together and now I've gotten to the point I can get through the day but the evening time is when I feel so depressed and alone cause that was when she'd come home from work and we'd keep each other company. I try to remember she wouldn't want me to be sad and that I don't have to worry about her being in any pain. But it's like a gap of yourself that's missing. I just don't know what to do with myself in the evenings. I try to watch comedies, play video games, tune out. But it's so hard cause my mind keeps drifting back to her being gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Janie, I am so sorry for the loss of you dear Mom. Everything you describe sounds perfectly normal .........it's not a normal you are familar with, not a normal you know but it's what happens when you lose someone so significant and important in your life. You talk about crying so easily, things annoying easily ........that is absolutely normal under these circumstances now. I felt like I was losing my mind when I first lost my Dad (suddenly 18months ago), eventually I realised everything I was feeling and experiencing was normal, it was simply new to me. I can still get irritated very easily, lose patience over the simplest thing, find certain tasks overwhelming but I've just learned really to hang on tight as that roller coaster runs riot. I too was such a social person, no problems every chatting away with strangers, new people.........that's all changed now. I've been out a couple of times and I just can't deal with it at the moment, I feel too uncomfortable, too anxious being around so many people, it's too far out of my comfort zone now. Again there is nothing wrong with any of this, it's all about learning to just live in a world without our parent, it's such a shock to every single aspect of you emotionally, physically, mentally. My Mom too struggles at times with the social aspect, it's like some days you just don't feel like being around people, don't know what to say, have nothing to say, don't want to listen to the trivial things going on in their lives ............but again it's all normal, just a "new normal" that we have been thrown in at the deep end of. For me it's just about learning to live with it, live with all the differences and changes as frustrating as they are. I get so annoyed with myself at times because everything is not as it once was, for me insecurity is a huge thing, I never felt anything like it before but I know it's normal because my Dad was my anchor in this world, he provided a security blanket that nobody else can. just know that there are plenty of people here who can relate to how you're feeling and what you are going through, although we each grieve differently, we have each lost unique relationships, nothing is exactly the same but we do speak the same language and get it ! much (((hugs))) and comfort to you Janie, Niamh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janie Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Janie, I am so sorry for the loss of you dear Mom. Everything you describe sounds perfectly normal .........it's not a normal you are familar with, not a normal you know but it's what happens when you lose someone so significant and important in your life. You talk about crying so easily, things annoying easily ........that is absolutely normal under these circumstances now. I felt like I was losing my mind when I first lost my Dad (suddenly 18months ago), eventually I realised everything I was feeling and experiencing was normal, it was simply new to me. I can still get irritated very easily, lose patience over the simplest thing, find certain tasks overwhelming but I've just learned really to hang on tight as that roller coaster runs riot. I too was such a social person, no problems every chatting away with strangers, new people.........that's all changed now. I've been out a couple of times and I just can't deal with it at the moment, I feel too uncomfortable, too anxious being around so many people, it's too far out of my comfort zone now. Again there is nothing wrong with any of this, it's all about learning to just live in a world without our parent, it's such a shock to every single aspect of you emotionally, physically, mentally. My Mom too struggles at times with the social aspect, it's like some days you just don't feel like being around people, don't know what to say, have nothing to say, don't want to listen to the trivial things going on in their lives ............but again it's all normal, just a "new normal" that we have been thrown in at the deep end of. For me it's just about learning to live with it, live with all the differences and changes as frustrating as they are. I get so annoyed with myself at times because everything is not as it once was, for me insecurity is a huge thing, I never felt anything like it before but I know it's normal because my Dad was my anchor in this world, he provided a security blanket that nobody else can. just know that there are plenty of people here who can relate to how you're feeling and what you are going through, although we each grieve differently, we have each lost unique relationships, nothing is exactly the same but we do speak the same language and get it ! much (((hugs))) and comfort to you Janie, Niamh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now