Time Goes So Fast

[Babypod]

12 years ago today we delivered our first baby at 24 weeks - he died in utero before delivery. I can't believe it has been 12 years. I know Grandma is hugging him in heaven for me today. When we found out the baby had died I called my mom to tell Grandma - since we lived in a different state I didn't want to tell her when I was on the phone - I didn't want her alone when she heard it. She was as devastated as I was. Miss you Grandma - Miss you Webbie (the name we always called our first baby) I just can't believe it has been 12 years.

[Guest Nicholas]

Fast and slow, sometimes it is difficult to differentiate. Events from long ago seem like a blur to me and only show themselves in my dreams (or nightmares). I feel as though I have lived several different existences in one life, all filling different chapters. Soon I will reach the dreaded six month period of this latest - and worst by far - existence; maybe, just maybe, somewhere in his next life my son is remembering me and witnessing my suffering.

[Babypod]

Nicholas,

I couldn't imagine losing a child after you have gotten to know and love them. I know these last two months with Grandma have been hell - six months will be so hard. Nicholas - your strength continues to amaze me. I know our beliefs about afterlife differ but I have no doubt that somehow the essence of your son is still with you - just as I know at times I feel Grandma here with me. I know what you mean about chapters - I look at who I was at certain times of my life and I feel like I was a different person then. Like a character in a book I once read - but not actually me.

[Guest Nicholas]

Hope this song cheers you up:

Nicholas