LisaF Posted September 12, 2005 Report Share Posted September 12, 2005 My mom passed away 9 months ago. She was only 50, and while she had some chronic health problems, her death was completely unexpected. She passed away peacefully in her sleep, and I was the one who found her. By the time I found her, she was already cold.My parents, hubby, and I lived in New Orleans then. The rest of the family was spread across the country. When we started making phone calls to tell relatives, I got the same thing over and over from all of them-- how's your dad doing? Make sure you take care of your dad. Be strong, your dad's gonna need you. I'm an only child, so there was no one to share that burden with.Well, hubby and I split a month later. He and I had moved in with my dad to be caretakers, cause my dad's chronically ill too. I guess hubby couldn't handle it. Well, the good news was that once we split, it became okay for me to be upset about that.But to this day, I don't feel like it's okay for me to grieve my mom. I have been anyway, but people treat me like I'm crazy. Some days it's just easier to blame the divorce when telling people why I'm upset. Although in truth, much as I miss hubby, and much as I love/loved him, it is nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to losing Mom.I was only 28 when she died (had my 29th birthday since then), and my mom was my whole world. Best friend, sister, spiritual counselor, advice-giver...as well as the only female I ever truly got along with. I'm a tomboy, and my friends have always been guys, but Mom was who I did girly stuff with, like shopping and changing hairstyles.I have a grief counselor as well as a psychologist, and I go to a grief support group. But even in those places, they always seem to think that I should talk more about my divorce and subsequent dating scenarios, rather than about my Mom. I get a huge feeling from everywhere that people just don't get why I would have such a hard time with the death of my mother. Well, I don't know about anyone else's relationships with their moms, but I know that my relationship with mine eclipsed my relationships with anyone else. We talked on the phone just about every single day of my life.For the most part, I'm getting through it. I have been pretty functional for a few months now. But it's so good to have found this place, and to find out that there are others who grieve for a parent. I don't feel quite so alone now. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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