Jump to content

June Vacations Continuing....


Recommended Posts

Well here we are in June again and vacation time for me, I get 3 weeks now with tenure which is nice, Ruth and I always went on a family reunion vacation in June her family in Ky. then mine in Oh., we didn't make it in 2009 as she was diagnosed and began chemo in June, and of course I didn't go last year as it was first year without her, but this year I'm taking a leap in this process because as I've said many times I'm going to control my grief I refuse to let it control me....I'm on VACATION today and going to enjoy it just as Ruth would want, this year I will take a few days at home here enjoying my new house and doing some home duties, then I'm going to fly to Ohio with Brenda for my family reunion and introduce her to my Mother, oldest son and brother, sisters and family....we are so much of each others life now it's time....as a matter of fact she's the one who suggested it....our Mothers are getting up in years and having health issues so we need to enjoy them while they are with us, hers is local and we see her every week....my Mother being in Ohio is once a year maybe 2 as she does not travel well...as I imagined my Mother is nervous about meeting Brenda and I'm not sure why, our situation is rare compaired to other grieving individuals as we've found a bond and closeness that was brought together by grief ?? We both are able to share our thoughts and feelings about our spouses in a way that provides us comfort and strengthens our bond, we both understand that this bond is so different than the one with our spouse's in fact in many ways it's so strong and intense it seems surreal, we have had some hesitation but have decided at our age's and what we've both endured we deserve to be happy and we're going to die trying...the down side, one of us will grieve again but as I've learned with this grief it's worth it to have that bond and love you share with someone while we are here on earth, and God will indeed take care of things when that time comes, but I have learned life is much to short to be sad and unhappy....so we will be attending a family reunion and enjoying our first June Vacation, I'm anxious and somewhat nervous myself but looking forward to the challenge....the following quote from Marty's link is very fitting.... NATS

Death ends a life

but death does not end a relationship.

If we allow ourselves to be still

and if we take responsibility for our grief,

the grief becomes as polished and luminous

and mysterious as death itself.

When it does, we learn to love anew,

not only the one who has died.

We learn to love anew those who yet live.

-- Julius Lester--

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nats,

Good for you, :) I am happy for you to have, Brenda in your life now. :wub: I hope and pray you all have a great time and a safe and wonderful trip. Will we hear from you along you travel? If not we will hear all about it when you get back.

May God Bless you and Brenda and keep you save on your well deserved vacation

Dwayne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nats, I hope you have wonderful vacation. Any good that comes your way, more power to you! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dwayne,

Yes, I will keep this thread updated during the week and be checking the site...as I don't like missing any posts...I had a good

relaxing day today, did some chores and started packing for the trip...made some homemade rubens for dinner one of our favorites....

Thanks to you and kayc for the good thoughts...

NATS

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello All,

Well just wanted to make a quick post and say all is going great....we spent the entire day with my family at the reunion and what a wonderful time we had, the family took well to Brenda and we had a very special day....2 more days here then we fly home.....we had plenty of food, laughs and sharing memories, I am so blessed that I had this time and very happy to see my brother, sisters, neice's and nephew's, I even got to see my uncle my Fathers brother...going to be a little teary when we leave, but happy tears....everyone take care and God Bless.....

NATS

Link to comment
Share on other sites

NATS,

Thank is great having all that fun and nice new memories on your trip. :rolleyes: Have a safe flight home. ENJOY NATS ENJOY :lol:

God Bless you and Brenda

Dwayne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nats,

I have not been on this forum in weeks. Retired on May 13th, immediately went into directing a production for our community theater, my best friend came at the end of May for 2 weeks, and then I went back with her to AZ for a weeks visit, came home got bronchitis, and am just now starting to relax and catch up on things. Having said all that, which was more than anyone probably wanted to know, I am so very happy for you, and this reunion trip that you have taken with Brenda. I am also very happy that you and Brenda are together and enjoying each other.

My friend Tom, who lost his wife to cancer about 6 months before I lost Mike to a massive coronary, has become a very close friend. We are probably best friends at this point in our lives. We spend a great deal of time together, and while it is not at this point (and not sure it will ever be) a "romantic" relationship, we enjoy each other's company very much. Tom was my brothers best friend in high school, although I did not know Tom well myself then. I got to know Tom in later years when his two youngest children became involved in community theater. I knew Ann, Tom's wife, and he knew Mike. We can talk about them, and often do, laughing at what they might be thinking about us spending all this time together. Somehow, I think they approve. We also talk about how we miss them, and how our lives have changed. I don't know if there is a long term future with Tom, but for the present, this relationship is just exactly what we both seem to need. My kids like Tom, and his kids like me. In fact my kids really want something more to develop there, as they like him so much. Tom is going to become a grandparent for the first time in a few weeks. His youngest daughter and I message back and forth a lot, about the braxton hicks contractions, and how she is feeling. I am in no way taking the place of her Mom, but I have known her since she was a little girl, and she feels comfortable with me.

I think about your relationship with Brenda, and how you are each a comfort to each other with your memories of your late spouses. This is what my relationship with Tom is about, we "get it", where others do not. It is great to be with someone you don't have to pretend with. Tom will never take Mike's place, and I will never take Ann's place, but maybe we are making new "places" in our lives.

So happy for this great vacation for you.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mary,

That's how it started for Brenda and I, friends first that is very important, just got in from final day of vacation finished great, I will post tomorrow as I have a few things to share...I'm so glad you have Tom, he does understand and "get it" take it as you feel comfortable we have no rush...going to close for now first day back to work tomorrow up at 4AM...

NATS

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...