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This is my second 4th of July without Mark. I didn't think it would be hard. But every year we would make homemade icecream together with the kids. My son left for Scout Camp this morning and my daughter is house sitting for a friend. The house is quiet and I'm feeling sorry for myself. I have been keeping busy all weekend. Yesterday I made 10 loaves of zuchinni bread. I should probably make 10 more since I have zuchinni coming out my ears! The tomatoes seemed to ripen all at once so I made a big pot of homemade marinara. Today I am going to make two berry pies and I'm watching for neighbors to pull in from there weekend in the mountains. I'm hoping to share brats on the grill and I have all the stuff to make that icecream! But I miss Mark. He should be here. He should be sending Larry off to Scout Camp and he should be sitting with me on the patio enjoying the quiet house without kids. I just can't believe this is my life now. It's so very, very hard.

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Hi Cheryl,

It is my second July 4th also. I was expecting a friend at 11 and she called to say she would be an hour late...it feels like she is going to be ten days late because this holiday, which meant very little to me before, is weeks long. I am sorry you are also in such pain. I understand and you are not alone...for sure. You surely take care of being busy with all that zucchini bread..wish I lived next door :) ...and the marinara and pies. whew! I hope your neighbors pull in and the day improves. I will be working with my friend on some of my publication issues and then going to another friend's for dinner....ALL empty and lonely....Mary

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Hello Cheryl,

This is my first 4th of July without Buck and I'm still in the first year anniversary phase, so can't get in the mood for any holidays. I am home and have not attended any picnics, barbecues or fireworks. I'm not depressed, but the sadness remains. I can't really get excited about any of the upcoming events. I've never really been big on holidays anyway, but we did have each other and now that's over. It's very quiet, which isn't unbearable. I like it that way. It's good to know that next year I could be in the mood for baking and cooking! Thank you for the possibilities.

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I'm staying home this 4th, wasn't invited out anyway, and have to get up early for work. I hope those who can enjoy it have a good 4th!

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Thinking of all my American gh family that are finding this holiday tough. I am sorry for the pain. I am sorry for the emptiness that holidays can bring at times. I have thought of you all this day and hope that although difficult there were glimpses of Light.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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Cheryl,

I understand the feeling. I've almost been wishing for rain and thunderstorms this summer, so I won't have to sit outside alone. It hurts not to be able to share natural beauty with my husband - enjoying the "empty nest", for however long the nest is empty.

I admire your energy though - all that baking! At least you haven't lost that, even if it's manic baking out of grief.

Hang in there - at least July 4th is over for this year...

Melina

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I woke up this morning thinking about last 4th of July. Jeff and I had spent the day at the beach house with our kids and his family. We were celebrating the fact that we had just found out the tumor in his esophagus was gone. I look back at the pictures and see how happy we were......and how completely unaware that just two weeks later he would be gone.

So yes, 4th of July was hard for me too this year. :(

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July 5 has finally arrived. No more holidays here until Labor Day...whew! This one was easier than the first one because of time and lessons learned this year...i.e. who NOT to be with on holidays. We will all make it somehow. Row row row your boats GENTLY down the stream...(a friend used to sing that to me when I would get down with Bill's sickness)...Life is but a dream.

Right now it feels like a nightmare that I will hopefully wake up from and find life as it was...somehow we all do this journey. I am able more and more to focus on the pain of others in addition to my own. A baby step forward. It is all baby steps. Mary

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Cheryl,

This was my first without Pauline. I spent the afternoon with Greg and Donna. I helped get Greg out on the deck and set up in a lounge chair. We had a great time yes some tears for me. Donna was Pauline's best friend, and I still remember the happy face she had when Donna brought Greg of to meet us, after her mothers, Pauline was second. They are my best friends now and give me great support. I will be taking one of Pauline's Power chairs up for him to use, until he is able to walk again.

As I was on the computer I could see the Somerset fireworks out my kitchen window. All in all it was a great day, I could feel Pauline all around me all day and night. I take each day as they come to do my best to get healthy again so I can start my classes. Today I spoke with the Career Center and they told me I will be alright with the funding and when I get this health problem taken care of they will be ready for me to start the process of getting my classes going and not to worry I will have the funding to go to nursing school. Keep positive thoughts and take life as it comes. We are all her for you and all going through the same thing. Just a little different for each one of us.

God Bless

Dwayne

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Thankyou Everyone,

The day turned out nice. I spent a few hours out by the pool, played with the dogs and drank a couple beers. The neighbors brought over a salad, we had the brats and made the icecream. My daughter dropped by and reminded me that we never had a fourth of July without the icecream maker running. She laughed when I told her I didn't think it was going to turn into icecream and she said, "that's what you always say and it always works!" The berrie pies turned out nice and were perfect to go with the icecream. But I still cried at the end of the night thinking about how much Mark would have enjoyed the company. Thankyou all for your nice words and sharing with me your feelings about the day and the loved ones that we all wish we could be with.

cheryl

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