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Southern Girl

Superman's Death Pt 3

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Its almost three in the morning and I find myself thinking of my father. Yesturday made two years since he passed away and Honestly it wass hard going through the day. I was a mess, emotional and couldnt help but feel alone. Its like one day you wake you up and you realize they are really gone, you realize your never gonna hug them again.. never gonna hear their laugh. I miss your jokes dad. I miss you telling me to change the oil in my car, and you telling me I was your baby girl. I wonder if Im making you proud and if you see your one and only grandson down here on earth. He looks just like you.. Everytime people see him thats the first thing they say, and It only makes me wish even more you could have met him. He made one last month and I know if you were there you would have held him and hugged him and you wouldnt have even thought twice on letting him put his fingers in the cake. Dad Im sorry. Im sorry I didnt tell you every single day how much you meant to me. Im sorry I didnt walk into your room that last morning and tell u Good morning and that i loved you. I have so much guilt about it dad. Why didnt I just walk in your room... Why Did I have to see you when your heart had already stopped beating and why did you have to leave.. The peramedics revived him 4 times.. and by the time he was at the hospital he was on a machine and was already brain dead. We all stood around you and I couldnt even breathe knowing that was the end. I miss your breakfast in the morning and your constant making me late everywhere.. I get that from you. I think of how a month after you passed my dog passed and I think of how maybe just maybe you could be taking care of him now. Its been two years and honestly it feels longer. Days like these make it seem like an eternity and I cant help but wish you were still here. I dream of you and everytime i see you I dont know your gone. I dream im a little girl and there you are.. not sick.. and your happy. I hate cancer and everything about it.. I hate that I couldnt do anything about it and I hate that I couldnt keep you here. Mom misses you so much and when we go see you we cant help but tell you that we feel u everywhere we go. You made our dreams come true by making sure we had our dream home and dad why couldnt you be here to enjoy it with us.. All these years and when our dreams became reality you left so soon.. Dad please just know I love you and I think of you everyday. I want to honor your memory and I hope other people can relate to this love of someone who has passed. Your here no matter what.. and i just love you so much that I cant help but write to you.. hoping that maybe you God will deliver my message..

Jessy

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My children too lost their dad to cancer in a month. He was so young and such a rock for us. I understand your pain and know that your dad and your dog are looking down on you and wishing you only happiness. Enjoy your little one since he will put a smile on your face again. May God help you to get through this painful process.

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Jessy,

Hugs. I know those feelings so well, "Why didn't I visit more. . " "Why didn't I leave for your home a little earlier that day. . " "Did she know how much she meant to me. . "

The only thing I can say is this- he does see you. He knows you are there - he is watching you - and I am sure he is proud of you every day. I have never had the strongest of faith - but I can tell you that I know there is something else out there and they are still here with us. I feel my Grandma off and on. I dream of her. I know she is there - I don't know how I know it - but I do. Just like I know your Dad is there with you and you son. . .

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Jessy,I could almost have written this to my dad,myself.I lost my Dad a year and a half ago(so long ago,yet so short)and I miss him so much still,I cant breath sometimes.My son was 2 when dad passed on,and looks just like my dad.my dad died suddenly of a heart attack at 49.Just wanted to say sorry for your loss and pain.I share the feelings,and wonder if it will ever get better.....

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