ustwo Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 As I woke to another day without Gene's smile, I sat down in front of my pc as I do each day. I can not explain the panic as I saw the site down. To everyone here...THANK YOU. I would loose my mind but for all here and so saddened by the pain that connects us all. Somehow I survived Gene's birthday on Thursday. I did as my sister suggested...honored my love. I sat outside early before the sun came up and stared at the big sky of stars. It was what Gene and I did for years...marveled at the beauty of the stars. And as I watched a cluster of stars twinkling by themselves I knew Gene was watching too. I know he was not watching through tears as I was. I wish it had stayed dark all day. The stars left that day just as Gene left June 11. But I wish they had stayed a little longer.I love you Gene.I miss you Gene.Always Gene!Always! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeepguy Posted September 21, 2005 Report Share Posted September 21, 2005 Hey, ustwoI learned about this site because it went down. So far, I like it, but find it a tad on the quiet side from my other site.I am glad this site is back, for all of us, and hope it continues to grow. I can use all the help and friends I can get these days!Sending you peace and strength! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trisha Posted September 25, 2005 Report Share Posted September 25, 2005 My husband's birthday is this coming Thursday and I am so afraid. Does that sound crazy? My sons and I had planned to have a surprise family celebration before Steve died. Now that day will be so empty and I know the pain will be unbearable. Each day brings a painful reminder of how much we have lost. How can life go on when ours seems to have stopped? I have to keep remembering Steve's smile and the courage he had in facing his death. He had such a sense of humor that he kept my spirits up all the time. He and I always knew it could be any day. But I stayed in denial for so long. In the end as I watched his suffering worsen, I prayed to God to give him peace. I'm already thinking ahead to Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think that I will cancell those holidays this year and just escape. I am so uncomfortable inside my own skin. I just want to scream and never stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ustwo Posted September 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2005 Trisha...nothing you feel is "crazy". I've been all over the place with emotions...some I never knew existed. All I know is I "survived" Gene's birthday. Actually that for me was the day that I finally starting remembering the good times...the happy times rather than the tortureous last few days my love was here. I have learned here that nothing any of us feel is wrong...it's part of the journey. I actually had 5 "better" days this week until this morning. I knew it was coming...as someone said..the Grief Monster....the emptiness...the pounding and hurting of my heart. But I do know a "better" day will come again....days with some sort of functioning. I've learned to be kind to myself on bad days. I hope Thusday is a day of good memories for you Trisha. Lots of firsts are ahead...I don't look to them...I just do this day to day...moment by moment. And someone is always here to listen. Here no one does this journey alone..no one judges...everyone listens and truley understands all you are going through.Peace TrishaAlways Gene!Always! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trisha Posted September 25, 2005 Report Share Posted September 25, 2005 Thank you - I needed that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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