I Lost My Best Friend To Grief

[ilosthim]

Hi everyone

I can't tell you how relieved I was to find these forums on situations like mine. I thought I was the only one out there who was going through this. Family, friends, and myself included didn't understand why someone would do this. Here is my story and I apologize for the length.

Steve and I met years ago, we dated when we were in high school and broke up due to silly reasons. Our love came back to each other this past October and its like we picked up right where we left off. We were happy, going out to dinner, him visiting me up at college, I felt like I was living a dream. In April his grandfather passed away unexpectedly. He was like his father, even though he knows and sees his father daily. He taught him everything he knows. When this happened, I drove home from college to be with him for a few days. I was expecting him to be a wreck! But he was fine, acting normal, barely any crying, and was like himself. I told him time after time to talk to me when he felt the need to, even if it was 1 am. He said okay and thanks. That is all he would say.

The months following his grandfathers death he changed. Slowly, but surely. He didn't want to go out, he avoided things like being outside of his house and barely wanted to come to my parents house. He still lives with his grandmother. I kept blaming myself, thinking I was the reason for the change. I was so wrong.

One day, Steve called me and was "off". I kept asking what it was, but he would start to say something and then stop. I was getting upset he couldn't talk to me. Then we got in an argument over my sister and he said he got REAL upset. He said he was thinking about breaking up at that point and I begged him to reconsider. We didn't speak for three days. I was a mess. Crying uncontrollably, mope around, stare at the phone waiting for a text from him. That text never came.

I finally broke this ice and he responded. He explained he was finally grieving his grandfather and needed to deal with it on his own. He never said we were "breaking up" but him saying he needed time away was my indicator. Me being me, did not understand why he was doing this and blaming it on myself. I never lost anyone close to me. A few pets but not immediately family. I talked to him and begged him to not let me go. I told him I would wait and he would say he didn't know what to say. I told him I understood, when in reality I didn't. I said it because I thought it would keep him talking to me and open up.

We talked for a day or two, but he would talk to me like a friend. Cold at times. And say things that were hurtful. I told him I couldn't talk to him. He agreed but was sad. I had a few things of his and he has some things of mine. I told him I would pick it up a few days later while he wasn't home, and to have his grandmother give me my things. Well I was a complete mess and couldn't go over there, not alone. So he messaged me when I didn't pick my things up and he said whats wrong. I said it was too hard to see his grandmother and see the house where we had so many memories and he got mad and said wow I feel horrible. I said, "See this is why I didn't want to talk to you because it will make things harder for you." He got angry and said fine. I apologized and said I was sorry that I just did not understand why he was doing this. He kept saying, "I don't know what to say."

Well then his grandmother and mother emailed me and told me I had to bring his stuff by that day. I got upset because I felt like they were attacking me and telling me to give his stuff back and let him be. I cried to him saying why is your family being this way? I did nothing but help your family in their time of need and now I am being pushed out, like I did something wrong. He apologized and said it wasn't in their place to say something.

I lost it. Luckily my father was there and took me over. He was my support. His grandmother talked to me and said she was sorry and that he needed time. I cried so much because seeing her and the house was so difficult. She told me he was getting help. I just didn't get why I was being shut out, by all of them.

I told him his stuff was there and said I didn't want to give it back because it was the piece of him I had left. I told him I was afraid he would forget me, he said he would never forget me. I was angry and hurt and said, well I guess thats it. You will find someone who actually understands. He got angry and said, right now I am not concerned about that. I said wow, glad I meant nothing to you. He said, "a girl would have a hard time making me feel the way I do about you."

I realize what I said and how I reacted was horrible, but I didn't understand! I blamed myself SO much. I still do.

I apologized the next day and asked to be friends. He told me that we are and always were friends, that that has never changed. Then we spoke casually and ended the conversation. I messaged him a few days later, on his first therapy session and asked how he was feeling. He never replied.

I figured that was my clue to leave him alone. I have not spoken to him in two or three weeks. The break up is a month old and I still cry.

I had to delete him from facebook because he would post things on there like he was still happy and his posts were hurtful because he could act normal and be with his friends, but not me. I deleted his family too, it was just too much. I did so much and get treated this way. I want to help but am not able to. So I am moving on. A wish deep down hopes he comes back, but I know I can't predict that or hold onto that thought because its hurtful to me.

I feel like a horrible person not understanding what he is going through and reacting the way I did. I am seeing a therapist and have suffered from depression for years, but have it under control. When this happened I lost control.

I.miss.him.so.much.

So many things have happened since we spoke last. I possibly can't go back to school, a friend I graduated with hung himself (we weren't incredibly close but knew of each other), my parents are moving....I just feel so overwhelmed.

I want to contact him so much, but won't/cant since I erased his information.

I looked on his facebook account and he got a large tattoo on his leg. I remember he said he would never get one! I was shocked and blown away that he would do something like that. But he still acts normal and doesn't care I am gone.

I just wish he would tell me if he was doing okay. I know it would happen over night, but I care for him deeply.

[haveFAITH]

This happened to me as well! It’s so crazy how all of us are so similar with the way we feel and the way we choose to deal with things in this situation. #1 with the whole facebook thing. I ended up having to delete him as well, because I felt as though he was turning into something that I didn’t want to see. I didn’t like that he was happy without me, and I didn’t like that he would be out drinking with his friends. Especially since I never looked at him at “that guy”. Even though it may have been his way of grieving and healing, I just didn’t want to see it. It was about a month or so until we saw each other face to face again, when he asked me why I had done so, and expressed that he was hurt to know that I didn’t even want to be friends with him anymore, when that wasn’t even the case! I explained to him my reasoning for having done that, and he took it as something negative. He was hurt that “I didn’t like the person he was becoming” …and totally took it out of context. And won’t even add me again. I have not brought myself to deleting his family, as I believe he still goes on their pages to look at mine. I think I am afraid to delete them, because, it would make the separation feel so much more real. Even though it IS REAL. Facebook or no facebook.

#2 with the whole "I will never get a tattoo", but then all the sudden gets a large thing on his back. I think it might be a form of healing. A way for them to permanently mark themselves with something that reminds them of the person who no longer is a part of their life.

#3 with the acting out and snapping on him, then feeling horrible about myself and blaming myself so much and asking to be friends. And him responding with “we are friends, we will always be friends.” Which I hate. Because I don’t just want to be his friend.

We really are all in this together. The answer is not clear as to where this will go or how we will all end up. I’m sure we can all agree that it has been an experience that will never be forgotten. And one thing I heard from someone recently was that …you cannot be upset with the choices other people make, for it is not their choice. It is the path they have been put on by God to follow. And they are walking it, as you are walking yours.

[ilosthim]

I feel a mixture of sadness and anger. I don't understand how they can throw our entire relationship away while they grieve! I check his facebook and he seems fine, talks normal, doesn't even seem to care I am gone. We haven't spoke in three weeks. This is killing me slowly. I try to focus on the future and spend my time with friends but it only makes me feel better for a little. I wish I could reach out to him but I feel like I would be making a fool out of myself. I feel like he is punishing me for acting the way I did when he chose to let me go. How was I suppose to act?? Like, "Oh okay honey well feel better soon, talk to you in a few months or years?" I am sorry but you don't turn your back on someone you love. I was a good girlfriend! I did anything for him, treated him like royalty, my family loved him and bought him expensive things for his birthday! I mean, what else could I have done wrong? I fear this was a cover up to get back with his ex but I asked him and he said, "why would I use my grandfathers death as an excuse to break up? You know how close my grandfather and I are, and besides I would just flat out tell you." But I don't understand. I keep crying and everyone tells me to give him time but thats not fair to me! I feel selfish for saying that... Then my mother keeps saying, if he acts fine and doesn't care about your relationship then why are you still upset? I mean I feel like I can't even act the way I want to to grieve. I am suppose to move on and act like nothing happened. I hate this.

[kayc]

Gosh if this doesn't sound familiar! I have felt exactly the same way! I can only say it will get better for you with time, but dang if it doesn't take way too much time to heal. I'm sorry!

[haveFAITH]

So familiar! This is a pattern that we all seem to be going through. It certainly helps to not feel so overwhelmed by this experience myself …knowing that there are so many people out there experiencing the same thing! As if the experience were scripted.

I go through the same thing with facebook, and how he seems to be totally normal on there but with me it’s a different story. He spends time with friends and can laugh as if nothing is going on, but then with me suddenly he’s this broken depressed child that I need to tip toe around and take care of and be patient with. It’s frustrating, and it isn’t fair how much you want to help, but then cant. It builds a hate inside of you for being unable to save that person. I’ve gone through this. It’s all you can think about all day long. Its poisonous. I know. But I can promise you, that with time, it will get better. I swear it. More than being patient with him, be patient with yourself.

Number one is that you are not to blame. I don’t care what you said or did or didn’t do. None of this is your fault. It may feel as though it was. You may go around in circles everyday thinking “if only I would have said this…” NO! None of this is your fault. It is not his either. But more importantly, it is not yours. Your breakup had nothing to do with your relationship with one another. It was all circumstantial, and I’m sorry that you (as well as I) were in the crossfire of it.

I got to speak to my guy a few weeks ago, after a messy 6 month rollercoaster of back and forth and not speaking and deleting eachother on facebook and all of that stupidity. He finally came over to my house and was there to answer so many of the questions that I had. Let me tell you right now, that hearing those answers, and putting the questions to rest, DID NOT HELP AT ALL. If anything it made me feel worse. I thought that maybe my answers from him, could help you. So I’m just going to share with you an overview of what he had told me.

Number one was that he told me none of this was my fault. And that it was all circumstantial and that it was unfortunate to have happened during our relationship with one another… but since it has, it has changed him as a person. The reason he can hang out with his friends and act as though everything is normal, is because it is just that –an act. With guy friends, that’s okay. They drink their beer, they laugh at stupid things, then they go home. Whereas with me, he would not be able to fake it. There are emotions. I would question everything and try to make him feel better, when the truth of the matter is that there is nothing that will make him feel better. His father has died. Disappeared off the face of the planet. There is nothing that I can say, or you can do to change that. And because of that, he does not even want to feel okay right now. He wants to mourn. He wants to miss.

He told me that he does not want to be in a relationship right now, because he does not want to feel attachment toward anyone that has the potential of leaving him. He does not want to be connected to someone that can walk out of his life and make him feel hurt again. He is not ready for that. It is too soon. Then he said (this part I hated) that.. “who knows? Somewhere down along the line, I might meet someone” …which was awful, because it wasn’t fair. Our timing is not fair.

You have to remember that that is his life, and yours is yours. And although he was your boyfriend and you feel as though your worlds were connected and become one lived for eachother, in the end that is not the case. We are all born alone, we die alone. He needs to live his life and get through what he is troubled with now, alone. And when he is ready, he will come back. But in the meantime, you need not waste the time you have that is YOURS.

Ten years from now you won’t get away with saying “Oh! I lost that year of my life because I was waiting for him” and expect it to mean anything. You cannot waste your time this way. Whether you are in bed, crying on your couch and watching chick flicks while you’re apart from him, or out there with your friends, engaging in fun activities that make you happy… will not make a difference. He does not value the way you’re spending this time. This time has to be of value to you. If he ends up coming around, he will. If he’s not, he won’t …and someone else will. As sad as it is to imagine spending your life in the company of anyone else (who, right now, doesn’t even imaginably compare), trust me …six billion people in the world, I’m sure there’s one that will know how to make you smile.

A woman told me something this past week which I thought was really inspiring.

“…you cannot be upset with the choices other people make, for it is not their choice. It is the path they have been put on by God to follow. And they are just walking it, as you are walking yours.”

Good luck, take care of yourself, and keep us updated! We’re all here to help eachother.

[kayc]

Faith,

You are so very wise and your above assessment is so very right on! These are things that I have surmised as well, although Jim never has "had that talk" with me. It bothered me that he reconnected with his exGF and I felt as if the whole time we were together meant nothing to him...but I know that's not really true. And I also figured out that he could continue to be with his friends and neighbors as if nothing happened because with them it is the joking around, etc., not the deeper stuff, not the talking about his feelings like he seems to only be able to do with me. Even so, he doesn't do it with me very often. But when his mom first died, he poured his heart out to me for hours. Then nothing. Now I realize that what he does or does not do, it doesn't really affect me, because that is for HIM to figure out and do, it is HIS journey, and not mine...we are not traveling a journey together, not any longer. I do not live my life for him, I live my life for me. Just as he seems unconcerned that I am currently out of work, could lose my home within the year, and have a broken elbow that makes things so difficult when I'm living alone. He is not there for me, not in any way that affects me, not really. We talk on the phone like two old friends, but more distant, just nothing really. I do like him, I do enjoy his company, but nothing is as it was, he does not seem in love with me or to care about me, there are no more plans for the future, there's just idle chat about the day and a laugh here and there, that's it. How this can happen to two people who were going to spend the rest of their lives together I don't know...how it can happen in the blink of an eye I don't know. How my life can change completely out of my control with no input from me, I don't know. I just know that it is and it's now a new phase and up to me to be accepting of things as they are, not as they were or as I would wish them to be. And I no longer wish things to be as they were because apparently that was an illusion...at the very least it was not enduring and that is not acceptable to me.

[Miri]

Faith,

Thank you for posting and sharing what your guy said to you. I know you said it didn't make you feel any better, but in a way, it does help me (and I hope everyone else going through this) to hear an explanation straight from him, as I never was really able to get one from my bf at all. At least you got an explanation and that is better than no talk at all. It is a breakthrough, even if it seems like a small one, that at least your guy is acknowledging his feelings and sharing them with you. And it seems to have helped you to move on and focus on yourself. I just wish I could have a reasonable talk like that with my guy, it would reassure me that things will eventually be somewhat okay between us, not this strange feeling like I've really offended him to the point where he won't talk to me.

From the words your guy said and our experiences here, which have all been so similar, it seems like this is exactly what is happening. And there is nothing we can do about it but let grief run its course, which may take an unbearably long time.

This experience has been so awful - the last four months have just been a nightmare and I understand the pain of anyone else going through this. Someone told me that the reason we suffer is so that we can help others through the same experiences. So I hope it helps to know that there are others going through the same.

[haveFAITH]

We do suffer so that it pushes us to help others through the same experiences. Going through this has made me turn to God, and speak to him in ways I never had -or may never have. I have learnt that that is the only thing that is constant. It is the only thing that you put your energy in and will always feel something in return. In the process of having wanted to learn to be more patient, I have tried meditation. If you do it right, it truly is a feeling of relief. Even if you're only able to be in that state of mind for a few minutes. Or seconds! …Because I lost him, I turned to lean on the shoulder of an old girl friend that I had lost contact with while I was so engrossed by this relationship. –Again, something I may never have done. I have learned to be okay with going places by myself, or when I get lost out driving …I have learned to find my way (instead of relying on being able to call him). I have learned to change a light bulb in my room. I have developed an interest in relay for life! (Cancer organization where you run marathons and what not)- his father passed from cancer. I donate money to the homeless. I have learned so many things! So many lessons that I look at as a positive gift that came from such a heart breaking loss (both his for his father’s, and mine of him).

Although you may think this explanation was helpful, I suppose it was, somewhat in the aspect of me being able to move on and feel that it was okay, because he had given me the “OK” to go on without him. My biggest fear was leaving and then him feeling as though I had abandoned him in his greatest time of need –which is not what I would want if I was in that situation. If it were me, I might push people away, but deep down inside hope they would fight their way to stay with me. But I wouldn’t want them to be around “trying to make me feel happy”. Because I wouldn’t want to be happy. If GOD FORBID, my father passed away …I would feel like a horrible human being for allowing myself to be happy so soon after. Wouldn’t you?

You really just do need to let nature run its course. Go out there and do some things you never normally would do! Go to the movies by yourself! Go shopping by yourself! Do things alone that you would normally do with your boyfriend …just to prove to yourself that you still can, without him there. Because this is your life. He was an addition to YOUR life, just as you were one to his.

[ilosthim]

Its amazing how so many people have gone through this experience. It is quite sad we had to deal with it, but at least we can help each other in this forum.

I want to thank everyone for being supportive in my posts and giving their opinion/experience. I have yet to hear from Steve and am thinking I might not ever. One day I am okay and the next I'm not. I miss him and think about him night and day, but I also want him to grieve and find himself again. If that means without me, as painful as it is, then so be it. I want him to push through this, stronger and okay. I hate the fact that this tore us apart, but obviously it was gods path. He likes to challenge us, and believe me, I have been challenged from day one!

My first relationship was abusive physically and psychologically. Then I met Steve. Funny, stupid, caring Steve. He isn't stupid, but does silly things that make me laugh and brings a smile to my face, even today. We ended our relationship because I was scared and afraid of what may come. We came back to each other a second time, a month or two after our first break up. I ended it again due to being scared. Years later, after many broken hearts on each others end, we found ourselves together again. We planned marriage because we agreed we would have been married by now if we stayed together. He made me fall in love a way I thought I never could. Each time he was understanding, loving, and always helped me.

Now he ended it and I feel lost, and hopeless. I am trying to understand things and be a better person because of this. My birthday is in two weeks. I wonder if he will even message me a happy birthday. He might not even remember. He was horrible with dates that were important. Either way I figured before I leave for school I will send him an email stating I was thinking of him and praying for him. I don't leave till August 29th. I fear if I do it, I will either be hurt or even worse off then before. And I don't want that before I go to college, but I also want him to know I am here, patiently waiting and hoping he will be okay.

[kayc]

I think we do learn a lot and grow through these things. One word of caution, I would seriously caution against putting your hopes out there that he may come to his senses and want you back, even though I know that is often the temptation. It's so important that you realize , like Faith said, this is YOUR life and this is about YOU! What he does or doesn't do is up to him, but YOU have control over YOU, your choices, your activities, your focus, your plans. I never got a clear explanation from my ex either, except once he said "he snapped", yet he never made any effort to reconcile, so I think that truly is not his wish. We have to remember that, for whatever reasons, their experience with loss and grief changed them forever. And that change affected us. We may not have liked it, but we do have to accept it. The best we can hope for is to be friends somewhere down the road, to the point where it's no longer awkward or silence, but please be careful to realize that even with contact, it does not mean you're ever getting back together...the day I realized and accepted that I shed buckets of tears and I don't remember if I've cried since...I truly accepted life without him. I didn't want him to yank me around emotionally any more (even though he may never have intended to), and I knew that was up to me alone.

I think your futures are not as bleak as you might be feeling today, but you have the rest of your lives to meet and establish a relationship with someone more right for you. I am much older and it's different for me...many of the men my age are very set in their ways and self-centered. They care about themselves and their children and have little room for anything else. They are out for what they can get and have very little caring for others. I am not interested in hooking up with such people, I'd much rather stay alone the rest of my life. If by chance I ever meet someone worthy of me and we're on the same page, so to speak, I might consider seeing what could be, but I have little optimism for that happening. My trust has been eroded by having experienced several heartbreaks in my life and I much prefer being alone that with someone who isn't good for me. I have given my all so many times...I'm much more cautious and selective now. And I think that's a good thing...I only wish I'd learned sooner.

When you are young the focus is different...the men you meet in the next few years will at some point be looking to settle down with the right person and build a family, a home, a life together. And they will be looking your way. Right now just enjoy life and what it is...these things will all rectify themselves in due time and will work out, you'll see.

[ilosthim]

Thank you KayC. You really opened my eyes to something, that sitting here and waiting is not good for me. I do believe I shouldn't wait, but that tinge of hope keeps me going, playing fantasies in my head of us getting together. But once those fantasies start to play I think, what is going to happen in the future when things get tough again. Is he someone I can depend on? Or someone who will run? I have a battle going on within me. Things are so hurtful I don't know what to say or do. I wake up, go to work, and come home and watch TV. I go out with my friends, and feel better, but then things come crashing down.

When it rains it pours, a good friend/mentor/hero of mine passed away two days ago. A woman, whom I have never saw or knew told me he died at age 63 of a heart attack while scuba diving. He was so good to me, so supportive. He was a veterinarian and I am going to school to be one. I shadowed him and hoped to work with him one day. Now that day will never come. I am so upset I have been dealing with my break up that I pushed him away. He always was willing to help me with learning. He never had kids and favored me in replacement so to speak. I wish he was still here, I wish I saw him more. I really hope there is a memorial. He is from London. I now know he is watching over me, pushing me through vet school. I think deep down I need to focus on getting my GPA back up and not worrying about boys. But then I sit and think of Steve. I am going to talk to my doctor about upping my Zoloft. Just to help me through this bump.

Kayc you are so strong, I wish I was as strong as you, to be more confident in myself. I am sorry for your loses and am glad to share experiences and stories between each other. Believe me anything you talk about helps me understand the situation better and let me know I am not alone. You stating about Jim not being there for you through thick or thin made me realize that Steve could be the same way. I thank you.

[kayc]

I am so sorry you lost your friend. I hate that people die and we never know when it'll be and we usually have unfinished business. The best thing you can do is finish your schooling and make of yourself what he knew you could be. Who knows but what he can see you when you graduate!

I don't always feel strong, there's been many a night I've felt broken...losing the loves of my life, my job, and could be my home next...what I worry about the most is losing my dog, that would finish me. It is so frightening with no jobs to apply for and only four more months to find one!

I only know to do the best I can and hope it all works out...I am alone, yes, but I'd rather be alone than going through what Jim or John put me through. And I never dreamed George would die so young. Life sometimes has too much heartache, but for most people I believe it has some good phases in there too. Yours is coming, you'll see! The important thing to remember is we don't need to be part of a "couple", we need to value ourselves...if Mr. Wonderful comes along, that's great, but try not to worry about it in the meantime.

I have a rubber stamp (I love making cards) that says "I love you not only for who you are but for who I am when I am with you." I think it's really important the affect we have on each other...if we affect each other too adversely, we shouldn't be together.

[ilosthim]

I was doing fine until today. I saw his friend I met while we were together, at my job. I don't know if it hurt because I she is a part of his life or because he still talks to her. I wasn't the same after that. I tried to keep busy, but felt my mind slipping back to him. Then I did stupid things at work that made me look stupid and I just feel horrible today. I came home and was yelled at for not cleaning prior to work so I went to bed. I really don't see the point in trying anymore...

[haveFAITH]

I understand having days like that. The best thing to do really is just to sleep it off, and know that with a new day ...comes a new mood.

[kayc]

I'm sorry you had such a bad day. Tomorrow when you get up tell yourself that it won't be like that forever. When I've gone through really tough times in my life, that motto has seen me through.

[haveFAITH]

How are you doing 'ilosthim' ?

[ilosthim]

How are you doing 'ilosthim' ?

I am doing alright. My birthday has come and gone with no "Happy Birthday" wish from him. I still don't, and may never, understand how you can cut someone out, who you claim is so important to you. I miss him some days and others, not so much. I think the part that hurts me the most is the way I acted. But I am moving on and focusing on my future. I actually met someone and went on two dates with him. Even though I feel guilty, its kind of nice to talk to someone. We are taking it super slow and he understands why. I fear that it would seem I didn't care about Steve because I am going out on a date, but that is far from the truth. I just have learned to except his choices. Consulting has been so helpful in helping me realize it wasn't fair. Plus, during our relationship there were so many red flags of him still having feelings for his ex girlfriend, that I felt the relationship was eventually heading for the wall. I was in love with the thought of being in love with him that I looked past he faults and never questioned his actions of still talking to his ex and finding naked pictures of her on his computer. But I still love him and always will. Would I ever take him back? I think not, but a piece of my heart will always be his.

[haveFAITH]

Its wonderful that you've been able to step away and have an outside view of your relationship with him. The guy I was with was the same situation, in terms of the ex girlfriend. Im guilty to admit that he actually cheated on her with me, and then left her to be with me. But during our relationship it kept seeming to come back to her. I suppose I deserved it, or atleast I always believed I did, and somehow knew it was one day "headed for the wall" as you say. And would I take him back today? Not a chance. The only thing I thank him for, are the lessons. If it weren't for this, you wouldn't have had the chance to find out what you're made of.

As for you feeling guilty, please don't. Steve made his bed, and now is his time to sleep in it. Why give someone a second chance when there is clearly someone in your life, holding precisious of his first? Good luck to you, and i'm so happy to hear how much better you're doing.

[kayc]

Well if you give him a piece of your heart, I hope it's the worst part! =)

A guy who would cheat on someone else with you would cheat on you with someone else, so they're no loss.

I'm glad both of you feel you wouldn't take them back and please don't feel guilty for dating, do you think they would? H_ll no!

Trust me when I say you WILL get over them, all except the lessons learned and next time we'll all be alert for those red flags and trust our inner instincts!

[ilosthim]

Its funny how fate works. I thought I met someone nice and new after being with you, but I wasn't sure I was ready. I thought I was, but I am not ready. I think about you everyday and wonder how you are, where you are, if life is better for you, and hoping your grieving process is going well. Do I miss you? No, I really don't. But I still care for you and want you to have a good life. Is this the process of moving on? I guess so. Little things remind me of you, and I laugh and say "oh that reminds me of Steve!", I smile and then the thought slips my mind. I actually see we weren't meant for each other, though I repetitively told myself we were. This was a blessing in disguise. I thank you, still care for you, and wish a happy life for you.

[kayc]

Well you seem to be realizing things a lot faster than the rest of us did...it's been 13 months yesterday since Jim broke up with me and I am just realizing some of these things after a year away. I wish him well too but no longer trust or have my heart open.

[ilosthim]

I feel like I should update on my process since I see so many sad stories. Maybe mine will give them some hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I never heard from steve again, he pushed me completely out of his life and I am doing great. I see the defaults of him and how we were not made for each other. Sometimes I do miss him but then I remember how things went terribly wrong. HE made the choice to leave me, HE chose to shut me out, and HE had the issue, not me.

I have dated a few guys since him and one led to a relationship, but I ended it about a week ago due to his anger and not respecting me career decisions. I think after Steve and I, I have gotten stronger, smarter, and happier. I now know what I want and deserve. I have been talking to a guy I met through my recent ex, but are taking things slow. Now granted we both know my recent ex, him and i were together a month and he told me to be happy. So I am on to find someone else who appreciates me. Finding a good man today is hard, they are almost extinct! But I will find my prince, I don't know if I have, but I do know I am happy with life right now and my experiences made me stronger.

Oh and btw Steve did get back with his ex. A friend told me, so that kind of put things to rest and also made me realize to listen to my gut from now on. I did cry for a little bit when I heard but it made me cry more that I didn't listen to myself. So fellow grievers, there is light at the end of the tunnel and we can make it through tough times like this. Be stronger, keep busy, spend time with those who care about you, and really just talk it out. Consulting helped so much. This site also helped so much and made me feel not alone in this situation. Talking, typing, writing helps more then you know. Be strong <3

[kayc]

I'm glad to hear you re doing well and wish you the best!