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Lost My Wonderful Mum In October. Finding It Hard To Cope.

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Hi, i'm new to this site. I'm 22 years old and last year my mum passed away extremely suddenly. On October the 11th I lost my best friend, my support, the most important person in the world to me, my hero. Words cannot describe how much I love my mum. She was and is everything to me. I'm finding it very hard to cope with it. One day she was fine, the next she was gone. It was that sudden, that un-foreseen.

Mum was adventuress, she travelled the world. But had a very hard life, lots of pain and suffering in it, she lost both her parents when she was quite young in the same year. But she always put me and my sister first. She loved us beyond anything, sacrificed so we could have a good life. She supported our individuality, our creativeness; everything. She was just the most vibrant, incredible person. She was only 54. I miss her more than words can describe. I thought she'd be there to see my life.

I don't know how to except that I'll never see her again.

I feel like i'm living in a nightmare and i'll wake up and she'll be there again. So I can speak to her, so I can hug her, so I can tell her everything I never got the chance too.

It was her birthday yesterday, the first one without her here. That was very hard. We also still live (my sister and me) in the flat where we saw mum pass away, and where mum used to live with us. Which makes the post traumatic stress VERY hard to deal with.

Apart from the heart wrenching sadness, grief and emptiness (which i'm sure you're all aware of :( ) I have developed health anxiety. I'm finding this very hard to deal with.

I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same situation as me and has any advice or help? For the last couple weeks i've been feeling very nauseated and very fatigued. Almost a sick to my stomach feeling. I almost fainted last week as well. I went up to A&E thinking it was something awful (i'm still finding it hard to think otherwise) but the DR's told me it was just extreme stress.

If anyone could share their experience and what physical symptoms or anything really they get, i'd really appriciate it. I feel very alone in my grief. My sister obviously understands, but sometimes it's hard to speak to close family because it's too sad. My boyfriend supports me but he doesn't truely understand the deep, unbearable pain. Neither do my friends. And most of my extended family live over 4 hours away.

Thank you for any replies, and I hope everyone here is doing ok.

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Electricalice ,

I am so sorry about the loss of your dear Mom, I just hate when so many people join this site so regularly, all being forced to become part of this club none of us wants to be in.

But I do hope you will find that you are not quite as alone with your feelings as you think, while none of us know exactly what each person goes through we can certainly relate to each other and I guess it "helps" to know we are not the only person in the world feeling a certain way because it certainly feels like it at times.

I lost my Dad suddenly in Dec 09 and like you also lived with him. I always assumed my Dad would be around until I became somewhat elderly! He was only 65.

From my personal experience I don't think there is anything wrong with you health wise......especially given that you also had your Mom's birthday yesterday so maybe that caused some extra anxiety the last couple of weeks. I think even if we are not conciously aware of certain dates and times, the mind knows deep down and things can become a little more tense etc coming up to those dates. Hun, I can tell I've been sick many times in my stomach over the last 18 months, feeling naucious, nervous fearful, sometimes getting sick but I know it's all related to just the stress as your doc says ...............the enormous stress of trying to survive in a world without your Mom.

My Mom too went to the doc a few times in the beginning, fearful of her heart but again doc said it was just anxiety, sometimes I feel my heart beating so fast, I'm so nervous ..........it's like electrical shocks every so often which I think is the full relatity of this nightmare setting in.........it's all so hard for our minds to comprehend.

You're feeling fatigued also sounds absolutely normal to me..............grieving is a 24 x 7 job and probably the hardest job in the world if you ask me so even if you are asleep your mind is still processing and dealing with all this. I think it's definitely important to rest up when you can and when you feel like you need it, don't force yourself to do something you're not up for ..........it's very draining emotionally and physically.

I was frozen solid for the first 12 months, even in summer time nothing could warm my body especially my feet and I've NEVER been one to feel the cold. Now when I have major pangs of grief where things just become too much, I notice my feet get ice cold, it's the oddest thing ever but normal !! Just all this horrible "new normal" that we're thrown into at the deep end.

Please keep sharing with us hun, so many kind caring non judging people here and none of us EVER get sick of hearing the same thing, how much we miss someone, how lost we are.

sending you lots of love, hugs and comfort.



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Electricalice, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I can really relate to all of what you said, as I'm sure you'll find from a lot of people here. As Niamh said, I'm sorry you had to join us but I'm glad you found us to help you through your grief.

I lost my mom on November 17th to lung cancer, and although we knew she was very ill, we still never thought we would actually lose her. She was diagnosed only 5 months earlier, and I really thought she would be around to see me have children, buy a house, etc. She was only 61.

"Special" days are especially hard. I was numb throughout Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, but her birthday in April was difficult as was the 6 month anniversary. Now that it's been 8 months, it's really starting to hit me how permanent this is.

I feel like I've become a hypochondriac since my mom passed. I've suffered from anxiety and depression for many years, but it has been through the roof since she's been gone. I am also constantly in pain (mostly in my shoulders and neck), which I'm told is stress. I immediately assume that any little pain or cough is something horrible and I rush to the doctor. I'm also almost always in a bad mood and have very little patience for other people. I'm irritable and I snap at my husband and friends. Going to work is hard because I try to put on a happy face, but most of the time I'm just miserable.

I feel alone too, mostly because I don't really know anyone else my age (in person) who has lost a parent. I do have one friend who lost her dad when she was 19, but that's it. Everyone else gets very uncomfortable if I bring it up, so I've stopped trying to talk to anyone about it and instead I come here and post when I'm having a particularly bad day. There is always someone here who understands. :)

I know what you mean about it being difficult to be in your home. Although I didn't live with my parents anymore when my mom passed, I can't get the images of her collapsed on the floor out of my head. At first, I wanted to be at the house all the time because I felt close to her there. Now I find that it makes me more and more uncomfortable because the silence really is deafening. It's just a huge reminder that she's not there anymore, which is very hard to deal with. That coupled with the fact that my dad is starting to go through her things and make changes to the house is just too much for me to deal with most days!


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