I Flipped...

[Spika]

It's been a week and a half since my dad died. I have been going to work every day since.

Last night my boyfriend of five years told me that his mom has a brain tumor, but it looks benign so the doctors are just going to watch it. He told me the good news (that it appears to be benign) after he told me the bad, and I totally flipped out. It was so strange, because he was so calm about it and then he told me and I immediately broke down. And even though there is good news, it still freaks me out at little.

Maybe it freaks me out because when the doctors kept telling my dad and us that he would be fine. The first round of chemotherapy according to them was just a “precaution”. Luckily my boyfriend’s dad is a doctor so the logical part of me says that his mom is in good hands. The emotional part of me is filled with dread. I think that feeling is totally illogical.

Has this type of thing happened to anyone else? Normally, I wouldn’t have reacted so severely.

I feel like I am balancing on a thin line of emotions, and I can be alright as long as I don’t vocalize stuff about my dad. When my boyfriend told me about his mom it was like a brick hit me in the face. I don’t get it.

[BellaRosa]

Spika, it is still so early after you've lost your dad that I wouldn't think twice about your reaction. Your emotions are probably still so raw, and having to hear about another loved one being ill is a lot to handle. I lost my mom 9 months ago (today actually), and I still have incredible difficulty hearing bad news or anything cancer-related. Someone here had told me in the beginning that any emotion experienced during grief is normal, because there really is no "normal" for any of this. Since I lost my mom, I've become much more emotional, short-tempered, and I think my reactions to things are more severe than they were before. I think it's all part of the process.

Erin

[Spika]

Thank you for your response, Erin. It makes me feel better to think that my emotions aren't totally whacked out. It was especially strange for me because for the past few days I have been walking around in a headache-y fog where I am more annoyed at things than any other emotion.

My boyfriend told me that I should let it all out if I feel like crying but a part of me doesn't want to... it is so tiresome, hard to calm myself back down from, hurtful, and embarrassing at work (not to mention inconvenient). But then I think to myself that I am suppressing my emotions, and that is a bad thing.

Today I decided I would try to be more social at work and try to be less annoyed and foggy. I am so confused about how I should be feeling now, but I guess that’s normal… or rather, ok.