Mike's Birthday

[Queeniemary]

Mike's Birthday was yesterday, he would have been 64. Friends were very supportive, and I did all right. It was good being around people who knew and loved him also.

This may seem a little weird, but I need a little advice. Mike has been gone over 19 months. All this time I have left his FaceBook account active, and occasionally people from his work, and our theatre group post on it, mostly "thinking of you, missing you" things. Also he got a lot of Happy Birthday wishes yesterday, telling him he was greatly missed, which was great. What I am wondering is, if anyone on here has ever had a Facebook account memorialized? FaceBook says that people will still be able to write on the wall, and see pictures, etc. But the person's name will no longer show on "suggestions" for friends, etc. I am thinking about doing this, but at the same time know it is a final step, and am a little afraid to do it. I wish I could see exactly what it is going to look like. I will no longer have access to his account if I do this. I would only be able to leave a message on the wall, like his other friends. Maybe all this sounds morbid, but it has been really nice to occasionally see a post from one of his co-workers at the jail, mentioning a problem, and saying boy, sure wish you were here, you would know what to do! or "thinking about you buddy, sure miss ya".

Any advice, or comments from anyone that has comtemplated doing this, or actually done a memorialization of the Facebook page of their loved one would be greatly appreciated.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[MartyT]

Mary, dear ~ From what I've read, once you've "memorialized" it, your husband's Facebook page would look exactly as it does now, except that certain features would be hidden from public view. I just Googled the words, "memorializing on Facebook," and all the suggested links are dated 2009 ~ but if you want to try that, at least you'll be connected to some relevant information. Here are a few of the links I found:

How to 'Memorialize' the Facebook Pages of the Recently Deceased

Memories of Friends Departed Endure on Facebook

I also found this statement of Facebook's policy from a USA Today article (dated May 2007):

To "memorialize" a profile means to hide certain features, such as contact and personal information as well as the groups of which the Facebook user was a member. But friends can still see photo albums, basic and education information and post on the "wall," or message board . . . [such] pages have become sacred spaces where friends and family swap favorite memories, linger with photos and post messages to their lost loved one. Friends and family members say that revisiting the profile pages is comforting, and is an avenue to healing.

[Dimcl]

Hi Mary. I'm afraid I don't know much about Facebook memorial pages, so can't really answer your specific question, but I'm wondering if it's possible to transfer or link his page to yours. I don't know if you have a page or whether something like that is possible on Facebook, but it might be worth investigating.

[kayc]

I think it's a wonderful idea...George didn't have FB because it was over six years ago but a lot of people use it to go to after someone has died so I think memorializing rather than deleting or closing is a good idea.

[mfh]

Hi Mary, If deleting the page or memorializing it are the only choices you have, it sounds like memorializing it is what you would prefer based on how I read your note. I also suspect you are really just wanting to leave it as it is for a while. ("but it has been really nice to occasionally see a post from one of his co-workers at the jail, mentioning a problem, and saying boy, sure wish you were here, you would know what to do!or "thinking about you buddy, sure miss ya".) So if leaving it alone is an option... until you are SURE you are ready to memorialize it, would be the wise move for now. That is how I read your message. Bill did not do Facebook and if he did, I would be leaving it indefinitely if that was an option. Tough call for you. But so nice that friends leave messages. Peace in your decision, Mary

[terp8r]

Mary, I'm glad to hear you were with friends and other loved ones on Mike's birthday. Though it's just been a little over a month since my husband passed, I still have his iPhone and his facebook is still active also. Many times I talk to him thru his private inbox, our sons also talk to him that way. I have been wondering myself how long to keep it. I didn't know about making it a memorial page. That sounds wonderful, but l'm always afraid that eventually everyone (except close family) will forget about him and stop posting on his wall and I think that will break my heart. The other day I was looking at his apps on his iPhone and he had one that was for leaving audio memos to himself. One of the recordings was titled "I love Pam" the message is something I will cherish the rest of my days, my son has burned it to a cd, because I know some day, I will have to cancel his phone. But I can play that over and over and I hear his voice telling me how much he loved me. It was recorded in Feb, 2011, makes me wonder if he had a premonition? Anyway, let me know what you find out about facebook. Oh yeah, along with that message was another titled"Tiny's nuts." he was reminding himself to call the vet to have one of our stud colts cut. It makes me smile...

Peace and Love, Pam

[Queeniemary]

I appreciate the advice from everyone.

Mary, you are right, I am not sure yet what I want to do. I have left his FB active all this time, and there are only two reasons I am thinking about memorializing it. One: because it is active he shows up in the "suggestions" section for friends, etc., and two: someone else might report to FB that he is deceased and they might delete or memorialize his account on their own. I have backed up his data on his page, there is an app to do that. I personally like having his account open, as I can then go in and respond to his friends at times. However, I do that only rarely, as I am afraid it might freak out some people...seeing posts from Mike's name. I am always careful to say it is Mary, but still...I won't be doing anything too fast, and not until I know I am ready.

Marty, thanks for those links, I will research on there. I just wish I knew someone who had a FB page memorialized so I could look at it, and satisfy myself that it would still look the same.

Pam, after Mike died, I copied the phone message from our phone onto a tape recorder, and also there was a little brief thing on there where he had not gotten to the phone on time, before the machine kicked in. It was me calling, and his voice was on there telling me to hang on he was coming, or something like that. I copied that also. How special it is for you that you found the "I love Pam" message on his iphone.

Got a nice email today from Mike's first wife. She and I are actually good friends, as she and Mike had become in later years. She lives in South Arkansas. She thought about me on Friday, and knew it was a hard day for me. I also thought about her. I enjoy talking to her, as she fills me in on a lot of Mike's early years, of which she was a part. I did not meet Mike until he was in his late 30s.

Thanks for the help guys, will let you know when and if I decide to memorialize Mike's FB page.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[mfh]

If someone deletes it, start a new one maybe have both of your names on it.... Mary and Mike....

You will know when it is time to change things. Listen to your heart.

Mary