More Sharing

[jeepguy]

This is another writing I recieved early in my grief, and wish to share:

Grief Ocean

I walked along Grief Ocean’s shore today. The tide was out, the sun was shining. It was a beautiful day. Birds flew overhead in random patterns. It was a peaceful day.

As I walked I noticed the waves begin to lap at my feet. Not unusual, just friendly reminders that the ocean was there ~ vast and endless. Oh, but the tide was out. I continued to walk.

As I went along I noticed that my footprints had disappeared in the water’s edge. Now my ankles were submerged. I could still feel the sand between my toes.

Before long the waves were up past my knees. The tide was coming in. I again continued my journey. It was becoming harder to keep my balance. I had to deliberately pick up a foot and then place it back down. No longer could I walk without thought or effort.

Becoming weary I stopped and faced the Ocean. I could see bigger and bigger waves forming. They began moving toward me. Before long the waves were crashing at my feet, nearly up~ending me as I stood, determined to stay the course.

I stubbornly refused to turn my back on the Ocean. I defiantly stared back at the waves, cresting and crashing at a furious pace by now. I would not walk away to safety. I needed to hold my place in the sand.

I was overtaken by a great wave. It picked me up, swirled me through dark waters, filled my nose and mouth with salty water, and scraped my knees on the rocky bottom. I did not fight. I just let the wave carry me. Deeper and deeper I went, under ~ and then bobbing up and down with the fury of the wave.

Gradually the wave tired of it's game and deposited me at the waters edge. I was covered in sand and dripping wet. I was bloodied by the rocks and jagged places. But, I was back on dry land, safe from the waters fury.

Slowly, I climbed to my feet and steadied myself. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I began to walk along the shoreline. The waves had receded. As I walked I again noticed my footprints making their mark in the wet sand, faltering at first and then more rhythmic. I breathed a deep breath to clear my head and heart and brushed the sand away.

The sun had set by then and the birds no longer seemed as playful. I was tired. I headed home to tend my wounds.

I wasn’t expecting Grief Ocean to swell today. I am exhausted from my struggle. My only solace is knowing that I faced the waves and didn’t run from them. I stood.

Wounded and tired ~ I’m home now with friends. Thank you for standing on the shore and waving your arms for me. I nearly lost sight of you for a moment. But, I’m standing.

Being tired is a huge part of this journey, and I am more tired now than I have ever been in my life. Peace and strength to all of us.