Saying Goodbye To Beringer

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

As many of you know, for some time now our beloved Tibetan terrier has been struggling with the normal effects of aging. I'm sorry to report that his earthly life ended this morning, and I invite all of you to see the post I placed on my Grief Healing Blog just now: Saying Goodbye to Beringer

Rest in eternal peace, my most precious friend . . .

[dave s]

Marty,

So sorry for your loss! As a proud father of 4 dogs, 3 cats, 2 horses. I know how our pets play a integral part in our lives and contribute to our well being! Am thinking of you on this sad day......Dave

[mfh]

Oh, Marty, I am so very sorry. I know the pain of losing a dog you shared life with for so long...Your post on Grief Healing said it all and of course, my tears flowed for you (and for me) as I watched the sensitive video. I know you will hear and feel Beringer's presence around you and I truly believe he IS around you and is waiting for you and for a reunion that will be pure joy.

At times like this we all want the perfect words, words that will lift you a bit or let you know I understand or that you are joined by all of us as you walk this path of loss and sorrow again. Beringer sounds like the perfect dog who was blessed with your presence and who blessed your life.

I am sending thoughts your way...in the hard days ahead.

Peace to your soul,

Mary

[STARKISS]

Hi Marty,

So very sorry to hear about your beloved fur baby, I can not even imagine how sad you feel right now... I know when Chelsea died I thought my life was over but now I want to keep going for her... Please know that i am thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers... Shelley

[mfh]

You have been on my mind all day. I found myself hugging Bentley a lot today as I remembered you and your loss. I know some day I will have to say good-bye to him-my only connection to Bill and my life saver right now. Our pets mean so much to us. I know Beringer means so much to you. How I wish you did not have to deal with this....I wish no one had to deal with loss. Our fur babies are our family members....I am so sorry. There is nothing that can prepare us for death no matter how much we know it is coming.

When our Buffy died (Aug. 17,2000) we were actually staying in Sun City at a friends winter place, waiting for our RV to be delivered preceding a two year adventure. I took him to Ouray, CO, our last home, to have our friend and vet help us with his death. When we got back, as far as Sedona, we stayed there for two days because i could not go back into the house. When I did, I found fur pieces from the last nights when Bill and I slept on the floor with him and just plain sobbed. I then went outside where I peed him and I heard his bark (his voice) on the other side of the brick wall. I raced through the house to get to the front where the bark came from. The only dogs in Sun City are really little and this was a bark that sounded just like Buffy, 82 pounds.. . I got there and no where was there a dog.

When Bill died I went to see the world's most tested and most regarded medium who is in NYC (Nov. 2010). He said that Buffy greeted Bill when Bill died.

I have no clue about all this but it is comforting. I do solidly believe our pets go on just as we do....and that Beringer is with you in a dimension we can't see, and will be there when you cross over the threshold. Knowing this to be true of Bill is my only consolation....and I suspect you believe this also...and that you believe that Beringer will be waiting for you on the other side of a very thin veil. I know that does not console now in the midst of this horrendous pain but the thought of it on occasion brought me a bit of comfort after a while. Sorry to go on....I want so to ease your pain. May God's peace be with you as you go through the silence of these days. Mary

[STARKISS]

I look at the picture of your beloved fur baby and can really understand how much he meant to you... He looks so affection and loving and he looks like he would be there every step of the way through your life.. As you move forward try to think of all the happy moments he brought to you and I wish I could take away your pain and I realize that it will take time for you to even start to move forward... I will keep you in my prayers and you are in my thoughts as the next few days move on... Shelley

[Den's Gail]

Dear Marty,

I am so sorry for your loss of Beringer. You are in my heart and prayers as you are going through this very difficult time. I know full well the terrible loss because our Toby was also family to us and we were devastated when we lost him and were still grieving him two years later when Dennis died. I'd like to think through our connections that all of "our family" is now together because of us.

http://www.gratefuln...cfm?l=eng&gi=BT

I lit a candle for Beringer at www.gratefulness.org and started a new group for him if anyone else would like to light one also under "BT" for "Beringer Tousley."

Love, Gail

[Susie Q]

Marty

Sending you back all the love and comfort you always give to others. I know how much you will miss this bundle of love - I hope your broken heart gives way to wonderful memories over time.....Susie Q

[Guest Nicholas]

Poor thing, I remember how I cried when we had to have our beloved black labrador Sally put to sleep. She was my soul mate and my only real companion at the time.

Sympathies.

Nicholas

[ksbeachbum]

Marty:

I am so sorry about your Beringer. My heart cries for you. I have a 14 year old basset hound that is also showing all the mental signs...but she is so physically healthy. I do not want to put her down but the incontinence and barking with seperation anxiety is overwehlming. Everyone says to not put her down after just losing my spouse so I keep her around despite the problems. She has been through so much with me. Anyway, please know your in my thoughts and prayers today and smile when you think of Beringer in his better years.

Blessings

Becky

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

Your beautiful messages touch my heart, and I so appreciate each and every one of you. If ever you need to be consoled, go to someone who is suffering with grief, because that is the person who truly understands, and knows exactly how to offer comfort ~ that's for sure. You're all so very precious to me, and I thank you.

To give you all a little more detail, last Wednesday night Beringer developed a severe bloody nose and, since we couldn't stop the bleeding, he spent the next several days at an emergency vet hospital where he was put under observation. (Our regular vet was on vacation until yesterday morning.)

With the understanding that the bleeding had stopped and had not resumed since Wednesday night, we picked him up and brought him home at noon on Saturday. On Sunday he was still having a somewhat bloody, pussy discharge from his nose; he seemed more "out of it" than he's been up to now, a little dazed, a bit confused, unsteady on his feet, etc. (As many of you know, he's been showing marked signs of aging for the last year or so, with everything really accelerating in the last few weeks: heart murmur getting worse, labored breathing, impaired eyesight and hearing, low energy, restlessness at night, etc.) He didn't seem very excited when we picked him up on Saturday, which was very unusual for him. But he seemed pleased to be home and certainly knew where he was, although he was very weak and sort of stumbled at times. He ate like a horse twice on Saturday ~ not so much the next two days. We also found a spot on the carpet Sunday morning where he obviously had urinated during the night ~ also highly unusual for him, as I'm not hard to awaken if he needs to go out.

Beringer turned 15 just last week, and we've known for quite some time that he was pretty much at the end of the life span for his breed, and living on borrowed time. Over the weekend he acted as if his spirit was willing but his body was wearing out, and at one point we shared a moment when he looked me straight in the eyes. It was one of those "I'm looking straight into your soul" sort of looks that dogs can give, and I got the very strong sense that he was conveying to me that he was very, very tired of living. I know this dog well enough that I've always felt as if I could read his mind, and I have no doubt that this is what he was telling us. So we pretty much decided that Sunday would be our last day with him. We just kept him close to us all day, all evening and into the night, showering him with love and affection at every opportunity.

We took him in to see our wonderful veterinarian at 9:00 Monday morning and together made the decision that now was the time to let him go. He died peacefully in my arms at 9:45 a.m. Our hearts are broken into little pieces right now, but we both know we made the right decision for our baby.

There are so many lessons to be learned when we lose someone we love so much, whether it's a person or a cherished animal companion. I am focusing on some of those lessons now, and one that comes to mind is that nothing lasts forever. Everything in this life is temporary, and we all must learn how to let go of those we love so much. Like every one of you, I've been struggling to learn that very difficult lesson all my life, and I'm still struggling with it. One thing I know for sure ~ it's so much easier to learn when I know I'm not the only student here. And when the student is ready, the teachers appear. You are not only my fellow students, but my beloved teachers as well. For that I am very, very grateful to you all ♥.

[kayc]

Marty,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thank you for sharing your blog with us, your Beringer was adorable, and I know he's going to be waiting to greet you when that time comes. Maybe George will toss him a ball between now and then. As I told my cat, King George, when his time came..."You're going to a place where there's lots of bacon and chopped liver". I truly believe these wonderful souls will be in paradise, for if any deserve that, they do.

I send my comfort to you, I wish I could ease the pain in your heart.

Love,

Kay

[mfh]

Marty,

Thank you for the update and for sharing with us of your own loss and pain. Yes, death is a part of life...all is temporary....tough lessons to learn and we are all students in this classroom called earth. You continue to be in my thoughts as you walk through these days. Mary

[LarrysGirl]

Marty, I'm sorry to have not seen this earlier, my heart goes out to you and your family. Our pets are so precious to us and give so much love. I know you will miss him terribly. I have Larry's and mine two dogs and they have been along side me during this grief journey. I will hold you in my prayers and am so thankful to call you my friend, Deborah

[Ann H.]

Marty, my condolences and prayers to you with the loss of Beringer. To lose a beloved pet is one of the hardest things, as they give us such unconditional love. He will forever be close to your heart.

Hugs,

Ann

[nats]

Marty,

I can only imagine how you feel, I have 2 dogs 1 being Ruth's that she had when we met, I have thought how hard it's going to be when he joins Ruth, I have already decided he will be creamated and placed beside her where she rests in the family room. I will have to get another pet to be with the remaining dog as he is young and would be so lonely at home while I work...I pray you will be feeling some comfort in the days to come, it must be hard...

NATS

[mfh]

Just to let you know that I know it has been a tough week without your sweet Beringer. Mary

[MartyT]

Bless you, Mary ~ I feel wrapped in your embrace, along with all the other loving members on this site. Your compassion for one another (and for me) is palpable, and you're all so precious to me. It's a feeling and a connection I simply cannot describe . . . ♥

[AOKPhx]

I am so sorry-I just lost my furbaby on Sunday the 21st. I just can't stop crying.

[mfh]

Marty, you ARE wrapped in our embrace as we also wrap each other and walk these painful paths. I still miss our Buffy who died 11 years ago. These critters just work their way into our hearts and lives.

AOKPnx, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know the pain of losing a furbaby....and tears just keep flowing. The silence in the house is deafening. You are in a good circle here on HOV.

Mary

[AOKPhx]

Beringer is at the rainbow bridge playing with my Rahna. Acting just like the puppies that they are. My thoughts are with you and your family - it's so very hard.

thank you for the kind words about my furbaby...it is just devastating.

[Maylissa]

Oh, Marty!!!

I'm SO VERY sorry to learn about your beloved Beringer transitioning!!! Not having been around here much in the last year and so wholly unaware of Beringer's declining condition, I could hardly believe my eyes, and my heart just sank for you and your husband. And so of course I also realize, and remember keenly, just how "unbelievable" and devastating the loss of one's furbaby feels to those closest to them in heart and soul. You have my utter sympathy, dear friend...ever so much of it and more than I can express!

But I must also apologize for the long delay in expressing my deepest condolences here. It was unfortunately just a case of bad timing, falling right before my own Nissa's 5th Angelversary (a day after Beringer's passing, so, sadly, we have a close date in common now ), a trip away the next day, and a whole summer full of losses and (still ongoing) problems for me.

I watched the video on your blog and cried my eyes out, for you, and with you, as well as for myself. It's all so heart-wrenchingly true. Thank you for posting that (as I, too, needed it) and for explaining Beringer's story more fully to us all. His ordeal sounds to have been as difficult as many of our own furbabies' were, and naturally, was I'm sure so hard on all of you. Yet it was so good to know he was with his loving and fully supportive family throughout, and right to the last...what better "final gift" to have given your so dearly loved boy?

The fact that you're already focusing on some of the lessons we can learn from such deep losses is certainly a huge testament to all that you have learned, and taught others, in your life's work. Even in the depths of your own grief, you're a remarkable inspiration to us all. But I do hope that, if you do succumb to "falling apart" anywhere along this journey into grief, you feel you don't have to be any different from any of us, should you need shoulders to weep on or hands to hold. As you so succinctly put it, you're "not the only student here," and I'm quite sure we'd all be more than willing to cradle you, just as readily as you've cradled us as needed through the years. After all, that's what "family" is for.

In hopes that it might help you regarding that very lesson you'd mentioned, I'd like to share an experience I had very recently while away in the mountains. A good girlfriend had suggested to me that I connect with the mountains while there, to take in some of their great wisdom during my own recent challenges.

And so I eventually happened upon a certain mountain, with 2 divergent peaks, one of which emanated a "male" energy, and the other a "female" energy that I was drawn to and from whom I felt a comforting presence. 'They' wanted to speak to me of "Permanence" vs. "Impermanence." I was gently reminded that there is really nothing that is permanent, and YET, paradoxically at the same time, there is also nothing that is really impermanent, either, as we're all part of the One, the energy 'soup' that makes up everything.

In our walk beside this beautiful lake, flanked by these mountain peaks, there had been occasional, short gusts of wind that would flare up and then subside. It was during one of the quiet lulls that I'd sat down to commune with this mountain, and I'd since forgotten all about those gusts, as I was then basking in the warm sun and quietude of the peaceful lake. But suddenly, I was given the message that "like the wind, which can change in an instant, and shift again in another, seeming to feel and sound different....is it not STILL The Wind?" I knew they were of course speaking metaphorically, about my beloveds, about even myself, and the All that Is, and this message touched me deeply and profoundly within. The tears came then, both of sorrow and of gratitude mixed together, similarly to this seemingly double-gendered mountain whose wisdom and comfort graced me with its kind and empathetic gifts that afternoon. I had also never really been a fan of the mountains. They've always struck me as seeming cold and hard - not my "cup of tea." Yet in that moment, the LOVE from them poured forth into my soul, and now my perspective of them has markedly shifted as well, bringing me a most-welcome enjoyment of their mighty presence.

I hope their message to me might do the same for you...if not now, then at some "perfect" time in the future, when you're ready. Beringer is STILL Beringer, and what he was to you, he still is and will always be, no matter what 'form' he is in. Your love for each other will always be an energetic "force" that cannot disappear, but only grow in INclusivity...never to be destroyed, and always to be cherished, nurtured and carried within you, and as part of you, and of everything. Just as it says in one of my favourite poems that brings me a huge measure of comfort and calm:

All Is Well

Death is nothing at all,

I have only slipped into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name,

Speak to me in the easy way which you always used

Put no difference in your tone,

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household world that it always was,

Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,

Just around the corner.

All is well.

Henry Scott Holland

1847-1918

My heart breaks with you, Marty, and even with such words designed for comfort, I fully understand how horribly painful your loss must be for both you and your husband. Please be gentle with yourself during these most difficult times and know that you're being thought of with much love and sympathy, every single day.

Purrs and many furry {{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!!!!}}}}}}}}}}

Maylissa

[mfh]

Just a note to let you know that I know (and others do also) that you are also grieving about the loss of your Beringer and that I (I assume all of us) are here for you also.

Peace, Mary

[MartyT]

Dear ones, your heartfelt messages continue to touch the deepest places in my heart, soothing my soul and bringing me great comfort. The support I feel from each and every one of you is huge and palpable, and I am forever grateful. I know that you are here for me, and I know that you all understand.

As empty as it feels right now without the physical presence of Beringer in my life, I truly do sense his spiritual presence and feel embraced by it, just as I sense the compassion and concern that come from all of you. It's as if my heart feels empty and full, all at the same time.

I find it difficult to describe, and the only word that seems to capture what I'm feeling is love.

From my grieving heart to yours, I thank you ~ all of you ♥

[mfh]

Marty, I was thinking about your loss of Beringer yesterday and that as you assist others there is a silence in your own house. This morning on another grief site, there was a link to a new children's pet loss book which you may or may not know about. Here it is:

The video seems good but, of course, until one reads the book, it is not clear exactly what messages are in it but it has potential and may be worth checking out in order to recommend (or read for your own comfort.). I love kids books...they say it so clearly.

Mary mfh