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Wishing For My Mom

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with the first day of school the first person I wanted to call was my Mom. She would have wanted to know what my kids were wearing, were they excited, how was their first day. Sometimes when my son got home from school in the past he would beat my husband home by 10 minutes or so. He would always call his Grandma ;) He liked to talk to her when he first got home. She cherished those days and waited for his call. I miss her so much. This is a first of many first to come. Ihave done really well but lately she is back in my mind front and center.

Not that she was ever very far away. I still cannot believe she is gone. They say grief comes and goes. Some days you are fine and others it overwhelms you. The nursing home is having a memorial service for her tomorrow. I am going but I am afraid of how upset I will feel. I have ot been back since I moved her stuff. Preparing my self for a hard emotional day....

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  • 3 months later...

I have always felt this way about my therapist. She is okay with it. It helps that she is older than me. She is my "emotional Mom". I have come to realize over the many, many years that I can truly count on her. She is very warm and caring. She accepts me for who I am. Even when I cannot. I carry her with me everyday outside of therapy. She has written positive letters for me to have to let me know that she will not abandon me. I also have a few photos she let me take of her to have when I need something tangible to remember her. My life is so much fuller because she has been such a positive influence on me. She also gives me the best hugs. I feel cared for and loved.

My therapist said to me today that my attachment toward her is called Transference. She thinks i am transferring what i don't get from my mom onto her. She said it is normal in therapy to do that. I still wish i could hold her and to feel comfort in her arms. I am scare of asking her for a hug because i don't want to make her feeling upset at me.

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