Thanks To All Of You Who Have Helped

[Dimcl]

I would like to thank everyone on this forum for the help, guidance and support they've provided to me over the last 10 months, but I feel that, as a non-believer in an afterlife, spirituality, religion, whatever, I've outworn my welcome.

I hope everyone here manages to survive and even triumph over the terrible circumstances that we have all encountered in this journey and I will think of you all and wish you all the best, with all my heart.

Hugs.

Di

[marcplum]

Di, Your post has to be the most tragic I have read on this forum to date. You win! Now that I have your attention, your stance on religion should have no bearing on your participation in this site. It is my understanding that everyone is welcome here so that they may find solace in others who know first hand your pain. Your posts have encouraged many who visit this site, try not to let your grief block your ability to reach out to others. It is only by helping others, can we begin to help ourselves. Marc

[Susie Q]

Di

Regardless of peoples' views on religion, afterlife or spirituality, and whether they are shared or kept private, what we are all dealing with here together is the effects on those of us left behind. That's the common denominator and for me, the value of this site.

I hope you'll return to share your insights and also receive some comfort in your pain from others who truly understand....Susie Q

[Dwaynecg]

Dear Di,

I am sorry if I have offended you beliefs in any way. Some of us have our religion, Some belief in some kink of after live or spiritual. If you honestly belief in none of that, it is ok. You do not need to leave this site because of others beliefs. I DO RESPECT YOU ON WANT YOU BELEIVE, I just found you so down and struggling that all we wanted to do is help. PLESE stay and keep posting your thoughts and feelings. Because that is really the only way to work through you trouble. I do not think you are ready you are ready to try to move on in less than a year This site offers so much more to offer, if you only let it.

It has been nice to have, meet you

Dwayne

[Queeniemary]

Di, I hope you reconsider about leaving this forum. To me this forum is not about believing or not believing in the afterlife, but it is about the common bond that holds us all, the loss of the person we loved so much, and the support we receive from others here. Thoughts are with you always.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[mfh]

Di,

You have not outworn your welcome but perhaps because so many of us do believe in an afterlife we have not reached out to you adequately. I know that what you believe does not matter to people here but you might feel you are not understood. You are accepted with your beliefs just as I hope I am with mine. We have all lost one we love and that is what matters. We are all grieving. I hope you will stick around but if you choose not to, I wish you well on your healing path. Mary

[kayc]

Di,

I am shocked that you would leave because I unwittingly offended you. Please read my reply to you in the other thread. I am sitting here crying because I never meant to hurt you or drive you away. If I am that offensive, it is I who should leave, not you. This was never my intent. I've apologized, I've explained myself, I don't know what more I can do, maybe I should take a break here.

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

If there is anyplace we can go to feel safe and certain that we won't get hurt by someone's insensitivity, let it be this place.

We've often written here about how raw, sensitive and vulnerable we all are to what others say and do, including those who intend to be as kind and as loving toward us as possible. But sometimes statements get misinterpreted. Sometimes in our grief we take offense when no offense was intended at all.

I'd like all of you to know that in an earlier email I've assured Di that she most certainly has not "outworn her welcome" in any of our online forums. I told her that her input is just as valid, just as valued, just as important as anyone else's, and I think our membership would be diminished by her absence. Nevertheless, if she does decide to leave us, I know that we will honor and respect her decision. She must do what she needs to do to take good care of herself.

Kay, as I indicated elsewhere, I did not read your post as offensive at all ~ in fact, in the six years I've been reading every single one of your posts on this site, I think you're incapable of offending anyone. You've done all you can do to make amends here, and I hope Di will accept your humble and sincere apology. Take a break from us if you need to do so, but please don't ever think that you should leave us.

[kayc]

Marty, it has been six years, two months, and five days since my dear sweet George left me. This place was a godsend to me, it saved my life, seriously. I was shocked to the core when he died, not having expected it at all and thinking we had years left ahead of us. I was reeling and frantic and alone. This site became my family, my lifeline. It was here that I learned all that I have learned about how to deal with and do this grief journey...and it truly is a journey. It has a beginning but it seems to have no end. Just when you least expect it, when you think you have a handle on it, when you think you've adjusted as well as you can, out of the blue something throws you that takes you back to...that place where you had a life with that partner, that soul mate...and you are reminded once again, you are on your own. But still, I have processed, experienced, and pretty much adjusted all I can to this new life. It is because of what this place has been to me that I continue to come here. Each time I have had a hit in life, here are friends that help me through it...and I have wanted to be here here for everyone else. Each time I see a new name, someone else with their story to tell, another loss, my heart has gone out to them and I have wanted to wrap my arms around them and I have wanted to validate their feelings and responses and let them know all that they feel is normal and yes they will survive this, even when they doubt it. I have wanted to pay back some tiny measure of what I have been given here. If I am not paying back, if I am hindering instead, then my reason for being here is gone. I spoke with Dwayne today and he greatly encouraged me, because I was very distraught, and I needed someone to bounce my feelings off of. (Thank you, Dwayne, you're a good friend). I am very respectful of other people's beliefs and rights and will never tell anyone how to believe. I have tried to share my experience, something that others can't dispute, and I have tried to hear other people voice theirs, I have tried to encourage and give hope, never in my life have I cast stones at anyone, that just is not me. My choice of wording may leave something to be desired and I ask anyone on this site, if I ever offend you unintentionally, please bring it to my attention so I can make it right if I can. At least let's hear each other out so we can agree to disagree. We are here to help each other in our journeys regardless of belief or choices or anything else! We may have different views about where the spirit resides (and your view doesn't affect mine any more than mine affects yours), we may have different religious beliefs or other beliefs, we may live clear around the world from each other or have different political stances, but what matters is we have shared the commonality of loss of the most important person in the world to us and we all need comfort and encouragement and help with the tangible things (tax filing afterwards, dealing with family and friends who don't get it, how to handle life on your own after a life of being part of a couple, etc.). Those things remain regardless of any other differences. I love each and every person I have met here, whether new here or whether some I have traveled over six years with here. I don't see a single person that doesn't belong or who can't benefit from being here. I see this as the most NON-judgmental place I have encountered, I have always felt it was a very special site. One of the reasons for that is the leadership here from you, Marty...your beliefs, actions, your heart set the tone for this place, for that, I thank you.

[LarrysGirl]

I hope you will reconsider after reading everyone's replies. I've been here almost 6 years. A couple of years ago there was one period of time where the discussion of belief, God, etc. was a hot topic and I struggled with it because after Larry's death my faith was so shaken that God did not exist for me. A few of us exchanged some responses but my feeling was that this is a GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP, regardless of anyone's belief's or religion, we were gathered here, sharing one thing, the loss of someone we loved. Loss and grieving is the common denominator and sharing and supporting each other is the purpose. I am so thankful for all of the members over the yrs. that have saved me when I could not go on, one member in particular is KayC. Marty has welcomed all of us and I hope you will continue to be part of our group. Deborah

[Daughter2010]

Di,

After reading all the replies I hope you reconsider your decision to leave the forum. I do not post often in this section as I lost my father, but I read threads from time to time. I have been here for almost 2 years, if there is one thing I've seen in this forum is that people are non-judgmental. Sure, each one of us have our own beliefs and that is fine. The reason we all came here was to understand how to cope with the loss of a loved one, to vent and express how we feel, what we go through each day.

It is also true that because we are typing words and not talking to each other, statements can be misunderstood and it can lead to what just happened here. A simple misunderstanding. I hope you haven't felt judged or out of place here.

We come from all walks of life and our common ground is that we are human and that we lost a loved one.

Misunderstandings can be dealt with easily, with communication. I believe that's what each one of us is doing here. The grief journey is a tough one especially when you are surrounded by people who haven't dealt with a loss or that are not understanding of other one's feelings.

Ultimately, you can choose to do what feels right for you, but I definately encourage you to meditate on all of our replies, to think about your own grief journey and reconsider your decision.

If you decide to leave, that is ok , I wish you the best, hope that little by little, day by day you get to a place in your life where you know that even though your dear husband passed away, you are able look forward to the days and years to come. I am sure that's what your husband would have wanted for you. That comes with time and with healing.

If you decide to stay, please know that you are welcome here (so is everyone else), feel free to drop us line. It is really comforting to know there are people out there dealing with similar situations so we don't feel so alone in our journey.

I would give you a real hug if I could, but in the mean time I am sending you a big big e-hug!

I hope to see you here again

Best wishes,

-L

[Earl C]

Hi, Di: Boy, I do hope that the replies ahead of this one have helped you to change your mind about leaving. You are valuable to every one of us here. I mean that with all my heart, we're all in this hard part of life together. As I had said in an earlier post, I don't believe I should make an attempt to change anyone's non-belief any more than try to convert anyone to a different set of belief values. I think, just as in the majority of society, there are always going to be disagreements whether the subject is religion, politics, financial issues

...or even love of one's partner. What I have found, and again I have only been without my best friend in this whole world (I do have constant resources of family and friends, but not the chosen partner) for less than 3 months, I've seen that this is a very strange part of society...those who have lost their greatest asset, and now need help to go onward. Everyone tells me (in fact, I've heard it twice today) that my beautiful Wanda would want me to live the rest of my life in happiness, and they're more than likely right.

But, my true happiness left when they took her to the funeral home. What the wonderful people on this site offer me is a chance to converse with others who are in my same boat. I have not found anyone to have any motivation other than to help each other.

I treasure your exploration of what Glenn knows and doesn't know, and I know you received a variety of replies...because these people truly care. I believe that every one of us was trying to reinforce your strength and try to help you through a rough time...just like they've done for me. Please, I would ask you, don't leave us, instead forward your reasoning to us so that we also can understand how your own thoughts are founded.

If, though, you honestly believe this is not the place for you, then I can respect that decision and wish you the very best in the future. I believe Marty said it best, we need to understand that you need to do what's best for you. My mind, though, says that both you and I would be better off (as would a lot of others in this forum) with you here, not away from us.

Earl C

Sincere hugs and hope for the future, no matter what you decide to do. And, if anything I might have said in any post offended you in any way, I am sincerely sorry because the last thing on my mind is to make these wounds any deeper for anyone.

[mfh]

Di, you certainly have seen how supportive this group is. Also...others will be coming aboard who share your believe and you will be a comfort to them in that specific area of our grieving and they will be that to you. The key here is grief....we are all sad and grieving....we are all non judgmental....topics come up and some I get into and others I don't. But grief is the common denominator. Hope you stick with us. Mary

[Dwaynecg]

Dear Di,

Today is the 6 month anniversary of Pauline's Passing. I have been through so much in the last 6 months, so many ups and downs. It has been this place, these people who have given so much help when I needed it. In return I try to do the same. My life savers here have been the advice from Marty, KayC and another dear friend Mary. Unfortunately I have had many health problems along this journey of grief. Harry has been a very good friend, because he and I live in the same area, he has always been there when I needed the help. I honestly would be lost without this place

Today will be a hard day to get through but I will because I know I have the support from everyone on here, no strings attached. The only thing I have to do is let out my feelings at this very moment, and I know people will respond in a way to lift me back up on my feet again so I can get to my goal. That I hope will be able to start in a couple more weeks after I get my strength back, and that is to start my nursing classes. I want to be able to help as many people as I can for the rest of my life.

Please stay

Dwayne

[mfh]

Dear Dwayne,

I had this thought as I read your post. "Pauline would be so proud of how he has dealt with all that has been handed to him these past months." I remember so well the 6 month mark....one wonders how they survived...at least I did. And now I approach the 17 month mark on Saturday and I still wonder. You, my friend, have done such an excellent job in how you have dealt with all you have been through and through it all you have not given up your goal of returning to school. You are to be congratulated and I just know Pauline is smiling at you as she continues to love you. I wish you a peaceful day and improved health. Mary

[nats]

Di,

As you can read none of us want you to leave as Marty said during our grief we sometimes and do take things as hurtful, everyone here has that feeling of loss and emptiness and we know it's no fun, Please do not leave the forum as none of us wants to feel the loss you contribute to the group, as said this about our GRIEF not belief, you are very special and your thoughts are yours which make you special, we all need the various visions and input from everyone here...you have not worn out any welcome at all and you should never think that, Please reconsider your choice, but whatever choice you make I pray you will be comforted and find peace in the days to come...we are all on a long journey and we need the path to be smooth....

NATS

[melina]

Di,

It's of course up to you to decide whether or not you're getting anything meaningful out of this forum, and if you want to stay. But you have not overstayed your welcome in any way. Just so you know that.

I think there are many different perspectives on religion and the afterlife here. I'm sure there are many atheists and I know there are many different religious backgrounds.

I've always been an atheist - now more agnostic. I hope there is an afterlife because I can't stand the thought of never being with my husband again. I don't think you necessarily have to believe in God to believe that your energy continues in another dimension. That would be science, but of course mixed with spirituality, because it usually implies there is some sort of force or power involved. (May the Force be with you! - sorry, couldn't help myself).

But of course many people believe that this life is all we get. If so, then I'm sure Glen would want you to experience what is left of your own life. The pain you and I feel now will hopefully fade and we'll be able to open new doors. This sounds cliche, but at least we are among the lucky few would got to experience true love in our lives. I try to cling to that thought.

Religion and spirituality are not really the main topics here anyway. The main topic is grief. And that, sadly, is something we all have in common.

Hope you reconsider hanging around with us. I for one value your posts, even if I don't always reply.

Melina

[melina]

Di,

I read the previous thread to find out which comments hurt you. I think there is a misunderstanding here.

You wrote, among other things, that you wished you could believe in an afterlife. I think people here were trying to comfort you by helping you to believe - since you wrote that you wished you could. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I hope you reconsider staying with us.

Melina

[STARKISS]

Hi Di, I do hope you do not leave us all here, everyone of us has something special to share with ours.. It is who we are inside that counts and not if we believe in God or not... We have to understand who we are and live for us in this life... I know that we are all different and wouldit not be a boring place if we all thought the same... We are unique and we are special each and everyone of us... Please do not leave you are needed here.. Shelley