Meaningless Problems

[dave s]

No matter what I try to do to keep time still, it marches on....Since Mike has died I have had to replace the dishwasher that was ours...and today I went to get a flat fixed on Mikes car and found out that I need 4 new tires, in Az you really need to keep on top of your tires, due to the heat blowouts happen often. I initially wasnt going to replace the tire because Mike had bought them, but I have a good friend that has reported on more than 1 occasion having a dream of me being in a car wreck and when he got to the hospital Mike was standing besides me? Is it Mikes way of getting my attention to take care of the safety needs of the car? Well when I thought of my friends dream I knew it was what I was suppose to do.....I then thought I would bring home Mikes worn out tires that he had bought, and do what with? erect a shrine to Mike? He would be pissed!How ridiculous! Cant believe I was having an anxiety attack and shaking like a leaf in the tire store!

Got home to a wind storm , while I was outside caring for the patio furniture my Aussie Shepherd Victor ran past me and knocked over a flower bench that I had large pots of flowers on, and also the herb garden i had planted for mike on Valentines day! and broke everything! I was furious with that damn dog, a hurricane wind couldnt have knocked it over! but a 70 lb dog could! well in the meantime I repotted everything in the garden, will get new pots tomorrow.....

After all that I have gone through these ridiculous material things mean what? NOTHING, and yet it means more changes, once again a reminder that things will never be the same...now they are my tires,not Mikes, now it is my Herb garden that I planted for mike in a different container, not the one I did so proudly for Mike on Valentines DAy....It is just another reminder that mike is not around to help take care of things just me.....or is he? feel him so often in the house i often think I am going crazy!often it makes me smile!

I continue to paint the house, it is my way of brightening up our home and it gives me a creative outlet, that seems to help my spirits!I continue to journal. I continue to work, but dont know how long in this profession, just dont have the energy to continue giving to others in Healthcare it drains me, and when I get tired.....my grief worsens, yes I cont to cry frequently, and when i do something, often, nice happens, whether a call from a friend or my 5 yr old nephew calls to tell me about kindergarten! Mike is watching out for me! God I miss him and still love him!

With all being said I am so gratefull that today brought only the problems that it did......Thinking of all of you back east and hope you are all well!

[mfh]

You had quite a time, my friend. I am so sorry. I totally understand your weeping in the tire store....maybe the clerks won't but you and I get it. I am glad you got new tires....not good to have old tires on those hot roads. The herb garden is tough...you gave a gift and the dog broke it. i am so sorry. Yes, it is all nothing but those little things set off tsunamis of pain and grief....

I am glad you are painting...it is healing for you from what I can see and a subtle change without making major house changes. I continue to believe our loved ones are nearby...watching over us. Mike IS there with you.

Know that you are cared about. Peace, Mary

[kayc]

I agree with what Mary said, I'm glad you got the new tires too. I am curious what you'll do with the old ones...here people are just redneck enough to make a planter out of them! 'm glad you can channel your energy into painting the house, it seems much too daunting a task for me although heaven knows it could use it. (Maybe you can post a picture when you're done!)

[dave s]

I just got up and did our Sunday ritual, coffee and the news and shed to many tears.....rough way to start the day, then I saw you post Kay! Thanks for making me laugh! what a perfect solution to the tire "problem". I have to go back tomorrow for 1 tire that wasnt in stock and it will be turned into a planter, wonderfull idea! Mike could have given Martha Stewart a run for her $! and the thought of turning tires into planters......probably wouldnt impress Mike, but what a perfect way to handle this! Once the weather cools I want to get Mikes favorite rose and plant in it.....This all brings to me one of my favorite memories of my days with him. Our toilet went out and we replaced it together, it was so much fun being together doing things.....I took the old toilet out to the truck to haul off it slipped out of my hands, and fell on my head......wow did i bleed Mike had to take me to the er for 10 stitches! he thought it was so funny! I then threatened to turn it into a planter in the front yard.....he threatened to leave me if i did! Little did I know at that point I would be cherishing the memories of that day together.........(no offense to anyone that has a toilet planter)

Mary thanks as always for the validation that he is still with me, despite seeing the multiple signs of him that we have spoken of in the past, and continue seeing, it is so wonderfull to have the reassurance that I am not crazy for they continue to provide me great comfort! Hope you are doing ok!

Will post pics of the house, the front is painted except for the door, havent decided on what color. Mike always thought that red doors brought bad luck!!!Our door was always white, guess he proved that theory was wrong!

And yes I want a red door.......

Take care! Dave

[mfh]

Dave, red doors are tradition...they must be good for something. RED DOOR-In China, it's tradition to paint the front door red before the new year, to invite good luck and happiness. In Catholicism, the red door on a chapel symbolized the blood of christ, and other martyrs, to signify that the ground beyond the door (inside the church) was holy, and a sanctuary from physical and spiritual evils and a place of safety. In Ireland, front doors are painted red to ward-off evil ghosts and evil spirits. Mainline Protestant churches, such as Lutheran churches, have red doors as Wittenberg Cathedral, where Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses, had red doors, and by tradition, this marks such churches as Reformed churches. (Another school of thought holds that church doors are painted red to indicate the mortgage has been paid off!)

Now for the tire planter....just ONE Dave...not all four

Mary

[dave s]

Gosh Mary if i put all 4 in the yard, it would surely bring him back to life to kick my butt! lolol! no 1 is enough!

Dave ps i put some of the red paint that I had left over on the door kinda clashes with the green of the rest of the house.......think I might go with a pumpkin color, and paint my tack shed red.....might look like a barn then......could be fun!

[terp8r]

Dave, to be truly redneck, you must cut all around the tire and bend back each section(I think it's supposed to look like flower petals) and then spray paint the tire with a color of choice. Tres chic! ;)I've seen this in Oklahoma. My husband was always coming up with ideas that would make me cringe. One time he dug a little fish pond for our backyard. It really just looked like a sorta big mud hole. About 2 weeks later, he went and bought minnows (yes, minnows) and excitedly called me out to watch him put them in the pond, what we both forgot was that my nephew had went fishing in a big pond on our land and had put 3 bass in it. Right after he dumped the minnows in, those minnows were jumping out of the water running for their lives and the bass were jumping too. In about 3 minutes the bass had ate all the minnows and it happened so fast all we could do was just stand there with our mouths open. I was like, my God Harv, those minnows were perfectly happy and you murdered them!

[dave s]

Thats really a great story!!! Thanks for the smile!! Dave

[mfh]

Pam, when I logged on I was sitting here crying. I had company all weekend and though I was VERY glad to see her leave...the silent house started the faucets (in my eyes) going full force. Your stories about the tire and the pond made me laugh. Thank you.

Dave, if I thought putting tires, painted various colors, cut back to look like flower petals with plants in each one would bring Bill back....the streets of my town would be covered with tires. Seriously----I believe he IS here and will watch you fix that tire into place. I just wish those on the other side of death's veil could make their presence more clearly known...esp right now as tears roll down my cheeks.

Mary

[dave s]

Hope you are feeling better today Mary, thinking of you, I have no regrets for painting the house and changing the colors.....and yet miss the old color, some what, feel that i will look good on the front door, a copper color, in honor of Mike! now the chore is trying to find a similar color at the store always so difficult to pic how it really look! Best wishes to all! Dave

[mfh]

Dave, if you take in the copper or whatever, the paint store has computers to make an identical match. I went with a friend today to her divorce hearing, (waited in the car but drove both ways and took her to lunch). It always helps to reach out to someone else who is in pain. Mary

[kayc]

Dave, to be truly redneck, you must cut all around the tire and bend back each section(I think it's supposed to look like flower petals) and then spray paint the tire with a color of choice. Tres chic! ;)I've seen this in Oklahoma. My husband was always coming up with ideas that would make me cringe. One time he dug a little fish pond for our backyard. It really just looked like a sorta big mud hole. About 2 weeks later, he went and bought minnows (yes, minnows) and excitedly called me out to watch him put them in the pond, what we both forgot was that my nephew had went fishing in a big pond on our land and had put 3 bass in it. Right after he dumped the minnows in, those minnows were jumping out of the water running for their lives and the bass were jumping too. In about 3 minutes the bass had ate all the minnows and it happened so fast all we could do was just stand there with our mouths open. I was like, my God Harv, those minnows were perfectly happy and you murdered them!

I loved this story! We all needed a good laugh!

I also love all the redneck input about the tires! LOL You might find some of them (rednecks) down the street from me, ha!

[dave s]

Yesterday turned out to be a great day, went to Discount tires and due to the fact they forgot to fix my spare that was flat, they gave me 2 new tires for free, went to a store while waiting for the tires and Mikes favorite candles were on sale for half price, went to the grocery store and ribs were marked down from 24$ to 6$, went to go get new pillowcases to replace Mikes that I had bleached out ( he always did the laundry) they were marked down from 54$ to 13$!!!! Wow it was a fun day! I know that Mike was with me and laughing with me! Enjoying ANYTHING I can find positive!

Got home and placed 1 tire in the yard, the neighbors were impressed stating " Why didnt we think of that?" lolol, just kidding! The weather is horrible here unable to finish the outside paint job, but did get part of the picket fence painted, its going to look really nice!

Just recieved a message from my young cousin 22 who just lost her father last Oct at the age of 53, she was lamenting the fact that $ problems were causing her great unhappiness, I reminded her that I would gladly give up any amount of $ to bring her dad and Mike back HEALTHY! Hope it helps the "kid" to keep everything in perspective $ problems always have a way of working out! Guess I am her father figure now as her dad and I grew up together, when did I get old enough to do that!?

Beat Wishes to all! Dave

[kayc]

It sounds like you had a great day! Wow, I wish they had that tire place here, I've never heard of anyone getting two tires...usually you're lucky to get an apology! You're right, money problems pale in comparison to losing someone you love.