Koko Angel

[kokoangel37]

I lost my little seven year old pug August 4, 2011. I was in another state at the time and feel such loss and pain. It was not an old age death but a terrible accident. My heart is aching to much, sometimes it feels like I can't breath. Yesterday was really difficult and painful. I could't sleep last night. I got up to look for support groups and found many. I have hope to find others in similar situations as myself. I feel so totally alone. I have great family support, but it isn't enough and noyone can see my wounds or pain. They think its all over. My little Puggy who died years ago, took me a very long time to grieve, and this one seems the worst of all.

I feel it has to do with the way she died and the shock of her death that has made it extra hard. I held her little pink bear yesterday.

[CJ Anderson]

I am so sorry for your loss! It is an awaful pain to bear and know that you are welcomed here as long as it takes. You know though, it never gets easier no matter how they go. I am so GLAD that that little soul knew they were loved - so many die alone never knowing that love. I know for me it was such an effort to switch from focusing on the death to focusing on the many wonderful times we had together. I was so focused on the "shoulda,woulda couldas" that I realized I was dishonoring here times with me.

Again I am so sorry for your loss. Would you share some more of what your times with her were like?

Hugs

CJ

[kokoangel37]

I remember the day we went to pick her up and I didn't want her, I wanted the tan and black pug. My husband said no, this one this little black one. I didn't think she was very pretty, but I really trusted my husband's judgement. She turned out to be the best tempered, sweetest little dog ever. She cuddled with me every night in bed. I will never forget her putting her little head on my chest and sighing and making these little precious sounds of contentment and safety when she laid on me. I just love the smell of her paws, and her little overbite. She always looked like she had a little smile, because you could see her little bottom teeth showing through. I called her, not only my angel, but my little dancer, because she would circle around and around when she was excited or greeting you when you came home.

She loved children. Our grandchildren would come over and they were like peanut butter and jelly. She would just sit and sit so calmly and quietly and just watch over them. If I was upset or yelled she would go to my husband for safety so I would always calm down faster under stress, because I didn't want her upset or scared. Since she was a puppy she was the most calm dog when her nails were clipped and she had to go to the vet. for shots. She was so sweet and calm. She loved everyone. She would give kisses all the time if I let her. Everywhere I went she went too, in the house. She loved, Willy, our stray cat I brought home. She played with him, tolerated his energy level and his teasing of her. I loved to watch them play together. Her two favorite toys were a tiny little pink bear and an octopus I brought home from California one year. She loved that eight legged guy. She played and played with that, until it was too tattered to play with anymore. I have her little pink bear, little pink soft bone and little white bear sitting up in the closet so every morning I see them staring at me when I get dressed for work. Yesterday was especially hard and I took her bear and held it in bed and in the car when my husband and I went out to eat.

Her barking would drive me crazy sometimes, but she just wanted to talk to everyone and until you noticed her or petted her or let her kiss you she would try to get away with it. Whenever the grandchildren would come over she would get so excited and dance around and around and have to go greet them. She had a stubborn streak in her too. She would just sit sometimes and wouldn't listen to me when she wanted to do what she wanted to do. It was funny and I would say, "Koko" you are so stubborn sometimes. She came into my life at a time that I really needed lost of touch and cuddling... My sister died,two years ago and she was there comforting me, I thought I was going to loose my job that same year and she comforted me. Last year my husband and I went through some trials together and Koko was always, always there loving me, kissing me, laying by my side.

[kokoangel37]

Thank you, CJ, writing about Koko was very helpful. I have felt such pain I didn't think I had it in me to write about her yet or journal, but it helps so much.... Debbie

[CJ Anderson]

thank you for sharing with us! Isnt that just amazing how they make us grow up like that? How great that she played with the cat. Did she like to go out? Did you have places youd like to go together? With Foxie, we would just go out in thefront yard and watch the would go by. It was really great how she could make me switch gears like that!

Foxie really prefered to stay home, but she loved to get people to come over and pet her!

CJ

[CJ Anderson]

Thank you so much for sharing - I love hearing stories about her!

Thank you, writing about Koko was very helpful. I have felt such pain I didn't think I had it in me to write about her yet or journal, but it helps so much.... Debbie

[kokoangel37]

thank you for sharing with us! Isnt that just amazing how they make us grow up like that? How great that she played with the cat. Did she like to go out? Did you have places youd like to go together? With Foxie, we would just go out in thefront yard and watch the would go by. It was really great how she could make me switch gears like that!

Foxie really prefered to stay home, but she loved to get people to come over and pet her!

CJ

CJ:

What kind of dog did you have? How old was she when she died, she sounds so sweet and calm! Koko and I would go out in the front also and I loved taking her to our park, which is practically next door, one house down. It is a very pretty park and kept really trim and clean. Koko loved it too and would lay on the grass or run with the grandchildren when they came over. She was also so sweet and calm and loved people to talk to her and play with her and she loved to sit by you and kiss you if you came over. Koko was a at home dog also. I bet foxie and Koko are playing together and laying on the green green grass in heaven up there! What a cute name foxie!!

[kayc]

I'm really sorry you lost her, she's so cute and I can tell how much a part of your life she became. It does help to write about it, when we grieve, we need to be heard and our feelings validated, all the more since we felt stripped of our power in that no one asked us if this is what we wanted to happen. I find it helps to regain power wherever we can, by being heard and making choices that we can. Memorializing them in some way helps too, a grave marker or special urn, or some way of doing something on their behalf. My heart goes out to you in your loss.