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Hi! My name is Vickie and I lost my husband on March 3rd. He battled a malignant brain tumor for 12 years.

We went through an awful lot during that time period, and it's hard to sweep all of that away in your brain and start over.

After pushing everybody away for the past seven months I realize that I am not going to make it through this without help. This seemed like a good place to start in meeting others that have similar situations.

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Dear Vickie,

As I’m sure you have discovered, working your way through grief is some of the hardest work you’ll ever have to do, but realizing that you don’t have to do it all by yourself can be life-affirming. It takes enormous courage to admit that you need help -- but that in itself is a sign that you want to make it through this and somehow you will find a way to survive it.

One of the saddest realities about losing a loved one is that friends and family members tend to be finished with our grief long before we are done with our own need to talk about it. That’s why it’s so important that you find an understanding, non-judgmental listener with whom you can openly acknowledge your reactions and experiences, express and work through your pain, and come to terms with all of this.

I don't know how you found your way to our Grief and Loss Discussion Groups, but I am gratified that you did. At a time when it may be difficult for you to feel comfortable in the usual social settings, this forum gives you a safe place to interact with others. Here you can express feelings without fear of being judged, and ask questions and get responses from others – and at any hour of the day or night. It can be very comforting to communicate with others whose experiences may be similar to your own. No one knows the pain of grief as well as someone else who is experiencing it, too. It’s also very reassuring to learn that what you are going through is normal.

So we want to welcome you here – and we look forward to hearing from you again.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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BIG HUGS Vickie......Im very sorry to read of your loss.....it must have been very hard for you....but youve come this far and you will make it !! I wish you every strength you need to help you through !

God bless you

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  • 2 weeks later...

i am very sorry for your lose i too have had alot of great lost in the last year first my 28 year old sister ayear ago less then two mo later i had two uncles too pass and one of the hardest things in my life my daddy two and a half mo ago he died holding my hand in my home after a very long battle with lung cancer that had went too his brain i too have pushed every one away but i have not yet learned too let them in too help still working on that again i am sorry for your lose

momalomax

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Guest Shannon

Hi Vicki,

I'm glad you came to this site. I, too, didn't know what else to do after a while of pushing everyone away and felt more alone than ever. I was glad I finally got the courage to reach out to someone (even those I don't know) for support. Just talking about it, though painful while typing, is healing in itself and it has done a lot for me. I hope you have the same experience here that I have.

Lots of peace and healing wished for you,

Shannon

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Hi Vickie,

Sorry that it took me this long to get back to this group and read your post. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone 'out there', and that pushing people away is a fairly common coping mechanism that many of us have used. You are doing well in recognizing that you are doing it, and understanding that it will not lead you forward, and that by reaching out you can begin to heal. Writing and telling my story over and over is what helped me begin to accept that Bob was gone and not coming back. It was 8 years on August 3 this year that he died suddenly and unexpectedly in my arms from a massive heart attack. Like many others my first year was spent in a level just short of madness, automatically doing those things that needed to be done, and not being able to deal with feelings or well meaning gestures from friends and family. The atmosphere around me was like a dense fog, and when the clouds would begin to break, I would scramble for the safety of my foggy shelter from reality. But eventually I came to, and realized I needed to find peace with my loss. When I got online and found a grief group of others who had experienced a loss like mine, I began to see a light at the other side of that valley. That is when my healing of acceptance began. It took me that long to accept the fact that Bob was not away on some sort of trip and would be back eventually. Vickie, you will never forget your husband, or the love and laughter you had together, right now it may be hard to remember, but it is there. Keep writing, speaking of your loss to any who will listen. Tell your story of your special love, and speak of your fears that are involved with this grieving business. We all have had them, or are having them presently. The price of loving is the grief with the loss.

Sending you warm hugs to give you some comfort,

Blessings,

Lynda(bobsgal)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Vickie, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss and what you're going through. My husband, Michael, died here in our home in my arms on April 6th this year from esophageal cancer. I don't really have anyone to push away. The only people in my life right now are my disabled Father and elderly Aunt. I'm sort of a caretaker for both of them. They don't even like me to mention Mike and they get upset if they see me cry (something I am still doing many times every day)

I have rheumatoid arthritis and am unable to work right now. That's probably a good thing since I can't think or concentrate anyway.

You are so right when you say "it's so hard to sweep all of that away in your brain and start over."

Any suggestions from anyone who has experienced difficulty sleeping?

I think I'm beginning to realize I'm not going to make it through this...period.

Healing Thoughts and Blessings to Vickie and all of you.

saraz

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