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Three Unbearable Days


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Dear friends, the last 3 days have been an unending time of unbearable sadness. I can't seem to get out of this mood. I went and saw a friend in the hospital Tuesday and then I received a statement from Medicare itemizing some of the charges, so maybe these two things set it off. My sister came and sat with me awhile, I finally told her to go home. I just can't stop crying and feel so lost. Thanks for listening. Love, Pam

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Oh Pam.....I am sorry that things are so rough now! I sure wish I knew what to say to make you feel better! I guess all I can say is I understand this hell all to well....and am thinking of you.........for me it comes and lets up, but never completely at this point.....know it will haunt me in some form, until I see Mike again....

Take care....Dave

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Hi Pam,

I know you are hurting and I am sorry you hurt so much. When i get into those places, I just cry...journal...cry some more. It is ok. Life is handing you a lot of tough stuff these days and the natural reaction is to weep....you WILL stop but I find the crying very healing....at first I thought I SHOULD stop but that was not how I do life so then I just let it go and cry. It is hard but it is right.

Peace will come

Mary

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Pam,

Those two things could definitely do it, I'm sorry!

(((hugs)))

Kay

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Dear Pam,

I know, and understand exactly how you feel. This grief is so new to you, and you go through so many emotions all at once, it is very hard for the brain to keep in chemical balance.

I found the best thing that I have done was to get on Celexa, an anti depressant. It took about 4-5 weeks to really make a difference and also another medication to help calm me down. The first 3 months I could not even talk about Pauline without breaking out in tears. Even going to our primary Doctor, I could not get through the visit without breaking down. The same went for the hospice group meetings. It doesn't mean I still do not have tears, because I do. I like you lost my best friend, soul mate, my wife, we could and did talk about everything. We were all we had, just her and I. Of course her best friend Donna, that would call, e-mail and come by to see Pauline. I on the other hand had no friends of my own. They all went by the wayside as Pauline's MS progressed.

Do not be to hard on yourself for having these days. I remember when I had them, and Mary, and Kay C, were there to pick me back up. Just let it out whatever is on your mind. We have all been there and understand what you are going through. It may not seem like it now, but it will pass, and you will find a new normal in your life. Talk to anyone that will listen, you will find the more you talk to people, and I don't mean family, because if they haven't been though this great loss, they just do not get it.

Try to find something each day to focus on that takes your mind to a different place. I like going for walks, when I have been healthy enough to do so, helps me to clear my mind.

God Bless, I pray for peace to come into your heart, and comfort your soul

Love Dwayne

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Pam,

It's still very early days for you. At two months (is that right?) I was still partly in a state of shock and disbelief, but also felt enormous despair and sadness. People on this site told me then just to let it all come out, that I would have to wade through the grief since there was no going around it. It's very painful, it will seem more than you can handle, but you'll get through it in one piece. Scarred, but okay. We're here for you. Let's all find comfort together.

Melina

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I highly recommend that everyone goes to the Topic called The Latest News where Marty posted a link to an article called "Through a Glass Darkly". I can not speak too highly of this piece. I commented on it there.

Here is the link to the piece.

http://www.thesunmagazine.org/issues/385/through_a_glass_darkly

Mary

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Thank you Mary. I like what she said, "I prefer to call these emotions “dark,” because I like the image of a rich, fertile, dark soil from which something unexpected can bloom." I have never thought of it in that way.

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I am so sorry Pam. I hope you feel the love all of us have for each other on this board.

I have cried so much that my eyes have hurt. I make sure that I drink plenty of water to replace what is lost through tears.

I hope you feel better soon.

Beth

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