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7 Month Date Of Pauline's Passing


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Hi To All of You,

Today is the seven month date of Pauline's passing. I will spend most of the day at church, and will just be getting out of choir practice at the time of her passing. I know I will have tears for missing her and tears of joy.

I have came such a long way from February 25, 2011 at 2:30 PM, when I told her I loved her and with he final breath she said I LOVE YOU TO!!! That was when God lifter her up into His Kingdom, never to suffer pain again. I Know and believe this, because on July 25, 2011, after my operation, as they woke me up in recovery, the last thin I saw was Pauline's face, HEALTHY and HAPPY. A true sign for God that she was all right and she will be watching over me from the on.

I have such great peace inside myself along with that roaring blaze, that started as a small flame, then over the next 2 months went to that blaze, that no one or anything will every put out again.

So as I spend my day with God, and my Savior Jesus Christ, along with my friends it will be a good day not a sad day. Today after 4 months after Greg's motor cycle accident he will walk into church today. I have been going to his house almost every day, helping and working him on exercises, that my niece, who is a physical therapist sent me, for Greg to work on. He has done very well and work hard, now using those Canadian crutches he can walk again. Yesterday I pick him up for an afternoon out, we had ice cream went to a place that sells out door plants, walked around there for about 45 minutes. The he needed a good pair of walking shoe, to cushion his heal, we went to Bob's store got his sneakers, and I bought a new pair of walking and running shoes also. Then to a seafood wholesaler, where he bought lobster, scallops, soared fish. I took him back home, and Donna was home, and Greg cooked a feast for all to eat. It was a great day. I am so proud of how far he has come in the last two weeks, and he said he could not have done it if I was not there with a lot of Pauline's equipment, she had to work her out, so I knew what needed to be done. The hardest part was motivation at the start. Then when he saw each day was progress, things start to come together a lot faster than he thought it would. I told him I knew he could do it, and spent may hours helping and, showing him how and in what order to do the exercises.

Today is a great day over all.

God Bless, I pray to a Loving and Forgiving God to bring each and everyone, of you, the great peace He has blessed me with. I ask this in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior to bring all of you that small flame inside that you can also turn into that roaring blaze I have in me now, Please Lord give them all peace and comfort, in heart, mind, body, and soul, In Jesus Christ, Amen

Dwayne

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Dwayne: You are such an inspiration to all of us. Have a wonderful day remembering your love and smiling as you do. I hope that I will become half the person you are. I am making progress with the grief counselor and am so greatful for my friends husband who is also grieving his wife. We are there for each other when needed.

Peace and Hugs

Becky

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Dwayne, CONGRATULATIONS !! You've crossed over a bridge I hope everyone who comes here will one day be able to reach. You're just the inspiration we all need to keep us going toward a sane life. I'm only 3 months, 21 days into this, and although I do have the same faith that you have, and I do know that one day I will be joining Wanda for the eternal life (trillions of years together in the place everyone should seek to reach), I still haven't been able to see her. I do know that she's with me in everything I do, and I do feel her presence, and I do talk to her every day, every night, but I haven't yet been blessed with actually seeing her. I've just gotten ready for Church, and I will be heading out in a few minutes barring any Crohn's complications, but I had to stop and say THANKS to you for providing all of us with inspiration.

GOD Bless everyone, Earl C

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Thinking of you at 7 months. May peace wrap itself around you. Mary

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Thank you all,

Becky it is hard work each and every day. Take nothing for granted. I am so glad you have someone to get through the grief together. Keep on going as much as you can. It really helped me to talk with someone person to person, that is going through the same thing as you. Remember look for a positive every day and build on that. Take you mind to a place where you, can clear you thoughts, something that you can do each day. That also helps.

Earl, yes I have been blessed by the Lord and Jesus Christ. Today at the time Pauline passed and spoke her last words, " I LOVE YOU TOO ". I was in choir practice singing, I could feel Pauline with me helping to let my voice shine. Maxine, one of the choir leaders, her and her husband, Tom sings on stage every service. She was so impressed with me, she told me she will teach me tenor so I can join the group of 5-6 singers on stage at every service. My Lord has given me another gift. It will take awhile, but I will meet that goal also.

Mary, and Dave, thank you for the warm thought one this day. My friend Greg went back to church after 4 months after his accident. I really worked him out last week, and it paid off for him today. Now I am getting the exercises for his neck, upper back, and shoulders front and back. I told him I would give him 3 days off. It is Greg's and Donna's second anniversary on the 27. On Wednesday I will be back up to his house for the physical therapy again. I am so happy I can do this for him while I can. Around the third week in October I should be start my schooling. I cannot wait to get started.

God Bless, May the Lord give you all the peace He has Blessed me with.

Dwayne

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Dwayne,

May God continue to guide you and be with you during the journey...we have much in common regarding faith and our control over the grief...it's comforting seeing each of us progress and learn our new way of life...as always my friend...

"God Bless and May The Lord Be With You"

NATS

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Dear Harry,

Thank you for your kindness, and friendship. It is not the way either of us wanted to meet and become friends, that we can call on any time.

Thank you

Peace be with you in your heart, mind, and soul

Dwayne

Dear Nats,

It is good to walk with Christ in my heart and soul. God is GREAT, he has always provided for Pauline and I. Now each day he blesses me with moving forward into my new life. He lets me feel Pauline every where I am. I praise our mighty Lord, for bring me such peace into my heart mind and spirit. I LIVE AGAIN WITH MY LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST. Our Lord has also BLESSED YOU, and BRENDA, with new life and kindness, and peace. So that you both can move on into your new life together as one.

God Bless

Dwayne

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Yes, dear Dwayne, you have come such a long way. It's hard to believe it's been seven months...in a way, doesn't it feel like a lifetime? That first year for me was such a frantic blur...

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Dear Kay,

Yes it does feel like a life time, and that some how I have been able to find peace and start my new life. I went up to Greg's yesterday morning. He called me and asked if I would come up and go get gas for his big ridding mower. I did, then I staid and helped him clean up his front yard. I was so happy to see how well he is getting around. He gives me all the credit, because I never gave up on him. Because Donna works. any where form 10-12-14 hours a day. So he became my need to help other people, I got him exercises from my niece for the therapy, in getting him on his feet, and start walking with an extra pair of Pauline's Canadian crutches. Yesterday it was about 80 out and sunny, so I took the flower beds, because he can not bend down to good. I worked 5 hours getting the weeds out of the beds. There were still some big branches that was left over from Irene. these branches were well over a 100 pound each. He asked if I wanted to trim the down. I said no, just where do you ant them at. and took, them the one at a time way into his back yard. He could not believe I could handle those big branches, I laughed and said it is all in the legs. After I took him to home depot to get a new trimmer, that has different heads that goes on to it. It will make things a lot easer for him. The Donna met us there. I got home around eight o'clock last night. I was beat. But today is a new day. I got to the eye doctor, maybe get new glasses ordered today, go check out the price of tires, drop off 2 new suits, one of Gerg's, friends at church had, that were to small for him. The jackets fit great but the pants are a mile to long. Well I guess I have said enough. Oh I forgot to mention, that on the way to Donna's and Greg's there is a small restaurant, and store combined. There is this woman in her thirty's that works in there, and every time I go in there she is always so friendly to me. I can tell she likes me. Well on Tuesday evening, I had a card and a special letter I wrote for Donna's and Greg's anniversary, I drove by and put it in their mail box. Then stopped by the little place for a bite to eat before my hospice meeting. She was working and when she brought my food to the table, she introduced herself and so did I. Right now it is just nice to have someone pay attention, and talk to. I am not ready for it to go any further than that now. Maybe I will never be ready, but it is nice to be able to talk to a woman again that likes me. Just wanted to add that in.

Take care my Dear friend Kay,

God Bless,

Love Dwayne

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Dwayne,

I'm so glad you are moving along at a good clip...the helping others is for sure satisfying...I'm off today so cleaning and doing the house chores then later this afternoon after school I'm taking Brenda's grandchildren fishing, my boy's have decided to wait on having children and Ruth had no grandchildren per say her daughter adopted children but they were never close like that, one of Ruth's dreams was when one of my boys had there children she would have grandchildren, she passed before this happened....Brenda's grandchildren and I have became very attached and it's a pleasure to be around them, they had some confusion at first when they saw me kiss there Nana and out of the innocence of babes ask me why I did that, I explained to them that I loved there Nana is why, they looked at me smiled and went about what they were doing, so I have kinda became there papa with this relationship and feel blessed to be able to offer them some things there papa can't God Rest His Soul...I here the excitement in your encounter at the restaurant it does feel good indeed, I wish you the best and will keep you in my thoughts...take care my friend....

NATS

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Nats,

I am so happy for you and Brenda, and being part of her grandchildren's life. I can tell it makes you happy and they really enjoy the time spent with you. Pauline and I could never have children, although she did have 3 very nice boys from her other marriage. At one time or another, they all lived with us, not at the same times, from time to time. Then around 2001-02 they just stopped calling. Pauline's youngest son Kelly after he was married had a pair of twins, a boy and a girl, the another boy about 2 years after. Alls Pauline wanted was to see her grandchildren and hold them. But when Kelly came back on vacation, he never stopped here. Pauline wash hurt very bad by that. I have found out this summer in August, that Pauline's father, brother, and oldest sister, never believed, that she had MS. They all thought she was using a wheel chair for the attention. Her sons all live in Colorado, I moved here with Pauline 31 years ago, and they all moved to Colorado when they grew up. I think that Pauline's brother was tell her oldest son these lies about Pauline not having MS. Dads new wife told me this. They were all at her dad's house talking and that came up. Dad's wife Doris, told them they can't be serious, She only new Pauline for about 12 years and she could see the changes in her, how the MS ate her away day by day, year by year, ever so slowly. When her sons came back for her memorial, Kelly told me he always thought he had time to bring her grandchildren back to see her. I told him he did have the time but he let the time slip away. I gave him a big hug and said that she still love all of them. Anyway that is enough about that.

Yes I am moving at a good clip into my new life, helping others is very satisfying, and it helps me also. I made that choice, just like you not to let the grief control your and my life. People do not comprehend this very basic decision, that we can make. I have help though trough, my Heavenly Father and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Last night I went to church and, I had 4 people tell me that they can see the love and the glow about me for our God and his son Jesus. I find that very fulfilling. Being happy and at peace is a whole lot better, the those old feelings of sadness, and of no hope in the future.

Yes, having that experience in the restaurant, did make me fell good, just to know that other woman, find me attractive. Yesterday I went to my eye doctor had my eyes checked. It had been 10 years since I had an eye exam. My right eye with my glasses are still 20/20, my left eye was not. I never get frames in the office, but after taking to the doctor he told me what to look for in a lens, for the type of work I will be doing So I got my lens and frames their. The woman, that took the measurements told me that, my face is asymmetrical, and that is why the woman find me attractive. It blew my socks off, by the way she was not wearing a ring either. It is just hard to believe in a week time 2 women have had an interest in me. It feels good, but yet very different, because when Pauline and I meet it was an instant connection. I don't think that will, happen again. When I am ready God will see to it, and she will be brought before me. I do not think, I could be in a relationship, with a women, that does not have my faith and beliefs.

Thank you Nats,

God Bless, my friend,

Dwayne

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Dwayne,

Happy to hear your eye appointment went well, and being noticed again is indeed uplifting, we both know our Lord works in ways we do not understand so I will pass a saying on to you that Brenda has taught me "go with the flow" and you will find your way or over come hurdles with ease...

Regarding the faith, Brenda did not have much touch with faith during her time with Glenn and is finding comfort in the faith I have, we both have became spiritual and are finding our way with the Lord, I truely believe God brought us together as the first afternoon she came to visit Ruth when she found out she was sick I heard a voice tell me we would be together when Ruth passed, now this was obsurd as far as I was concerned at that point because Ruth and I never thought she would not beat the cancer, guess we under estimated the distruction that evil stuff does, anyway I never gave it another thought and she contiuned to visit Ruth, I noticed that as the time passed Ruth and her found a new closeness they somehow missed during there life, see Ruth was Brenda's aunt (Ruth was 9 years older than me) and it seemed that Brenda was sharing and preparing Ruth for the outcome as Ruth grew more sick as Brenda had already been down the path when Glenn passed, in fact she came home one afternoon and Glenn had passed in bed...when Ruth did pass Brenda was the there for me daily guiding me thru making all the arrangements and taking care of the details as I was a wreak, Ruth wanted cremated and Glenn had been cremated so Brenda was able to guide me there and if you really want to hear the real twist is I picked an urn out for Ruth that was an exact duplicate of the one Brenda had chosen for Glenn and we had never discussed it nor had I seen his urn, when she walked into the church the day of Ruth's memorial and saw it she looked at me and said Oh my God you picked the same urn I did!!

We did not have contact for several days and when we did it was a brief phone call, then one day I had Mondays off and she called me saying she worked on my side of town on Mondays how about dinner at Bob Evans, I was cautious to say the least but we began weekly dinners becomming wonderful friends as we had much in common with our losses...as time passed we became closer but both still cautious and her not wanting to be compared to Ruth being her niece I assured her that was not the case as she was/is completely different from Ruth in thinking, personality, and looks....well time continued and one night I decided it was the time to express the feelings I had building in me so I kissed her as she was leaving one evening after a long talk and visit, to my surprise she looked up at me and said how does it feel to know someone still Loves You....I was taken by total surprise, looked back at her and said very nice...well we have continued down our road of "our world" and have both found a new Love, we speak daily of our spouses and share stories of them, we have started our own memories and it feels good, God guides us daily and we give thanks and praise the relationship we have discovered...

Your correct when you say people do not understand our way of dealing with this grief, our wives would not be happy if we took any other route, and I for sure do not want to live my remaining days in sorrow being sad so that's why I choose to travel the road I am..I pray you find happiness on your journey you are indeed on the right path and have an open mind, it's ironic how we both have chosen this path, I truely feel blessed to have encountered someone like you...keep the faith my friend...

NATS

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Nats,

I have very strong faith in our Holy Father, my Lord an Savior, Jesus Christ. Last night when I went to church, the pastors father, everyone calls Pepe, always comes and greets me, Last night he said I know you are feeling good and strong, because you radiate with the light and fire with our Lord. I had 2 others tell me the same thing, and how in all my time of grief and health problems, I had to deal with all summer long, every time they see me I am smiling and full of joy and happiness. I told them that is being in tune with God. For he and He along with my faith pulled me back up on my feet and showed me the light and started the flame burning inside me. The more in tune I am with God the hotter the blaze burns. I feel like I will be leading the way when I start my classes in about 3 weeks. Why because our Holy Father has my hand and will lead me into my life being a nurse, where I cane help others. I have spent today and 2 other days this week with Greg, helping him. He now can walk without the crutches, so we have done his front and most of the back yard, and many flowers beds, are now ready for next year. I get back more than I give, and I give a lot to heal his soul, lift his spirit, getting him back on his feet, and now walking without the crutches. Today I went out early to buy tires for my van. All four, I saw they were about ready to pull it out, so I needed a couple of light bulbs. While I was checking out there was a man and a woman, both early thirties, in line behind me. I could feel someone was starring at me, I turned and looked, it was the girl, I smiled and she smiled back, and gave me a small wink. The man could not see any thing. Again it made me feel good inside. I know when the time is right, God will put someone in my path, like he has done with Pauline. And you and Brenda. I am so happy for you two. It is really good to have you, a man of faith as my friend. We can talk unhindered, about our faith. By the way It doesn't bother me if people just do not get it and cannot understand how we have both came so far in a short amount of time. Maybe some day by planting the seeds they to will grow closer to God.

God Bless, My friend Nats, and Brenda

Dwayne

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Dwayne, my dear, once again I find myself compelled to step in and say something about the tone you are taking in your posts.

You said,

It is really good to have you, a man of faith as my friend. We can talk unhindered, about our faith. By the way It doesn't bother me if people just do not get it and cannot understand how we have both came so far in a short amount of time. Maybe some day by planting the seeds they to will grow closer to God.

First, if you feel a need to continue to "talk unhindered, about our faith," I suggest that you communicate with NATS via our Personal Message system. That way, you won't run the risk of excluding other members or offending those who don't happen to share your faith.

You say it doesn't bother you "if people just do not get it," which implies that you have found THE ANSWER and, if only the rest of us would "get it," as you and NATS have done, we'd all be as far along on our grief journeys as the two of you are.

Finally, you say that "by planting the seeds they too will grow closer to God," which indicates to me that, without my specifically asking you not to do so, you intend to continue using this forum to promote your own faith and religious beliefs.

I'm afraid that I must ask you once again to refrain from making such statements, Dwayne, and I ask the same of NATS. This is not the place to be trying to convert others to your way of relating to your God.

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Nats,

I have very strong faith in our Holy Father, my Lord an Savior, Jesus Christ....... It doesn't bother me if people just do not get it and cannot understand how we have both came so far in a short amount of time. Maybe some day by planting the seeds they to will grow closer to God.

God Bless, My friend Nats, and Brenda

Dwayne

Dwayne - I think it is wondeful that you have very strong faith in our Holy Father, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ - but do you realize that your comments suggest that somehow you believe that you and Nats and Brenda are "better people" than others, who like myself do "get it" and don't feel the need to replace our departed partner with someone else to grow closer to God?.

What is good for you and Nats is not necessarily what is good for others.

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Glad you're able to help Greg, Dwayne, I'm sure it means a lot to him.

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Dear Marty T,

I here you load and clear, I am not using this forum as a platform for my belief, and I do not have any intention of trying to convert anyone. I will from now on respond and talk with Nats in private messages. I do not believe that I or Nats have, anything over anyone else on here, I have found what works for me and I do not condemn others for finding what will work for them. I just wish them the best. Part of what has gotten me to the peace I have, inside me is my own determination and drive to succeeded in life, that I have had all my live. I made a choice of my own self being that I was not going to lay in bed with my grief and self pity for my Health problems I have had all summer long. For me it was that simple choice I made for myself, that with my drive and determination, to get back out into life again. I had told Pauline if or when she Passed, I was going to become a nurse. For me to reach and succeed at getting to my goal I set for myself about 14 months ago. I needed to get up and moving and find my own positive energy that I have always had from when I was a small child, I needed to dig deep in myself to bring it out again. No it was and is not easy for me without Pauline, who after I meet her and with in a couple of days, I could see her soul, like a small little bird, batter, bruised, and broken, that I just wanted to pick up in my hands and heal from the inside out. I did that. You do not know all of Pauline's story of life. I helped make her whole again, so she could enjoy life again.

Marty T, I am very sorry, :( and apologize for my writing with Nats. I do not condemn anyone one hear, of think that I am any better than anyone else. Everyone must find their own way through their own grief, how and when they, they find what works for them.

I still think you are the best, :) and will never forget the help you gave to me in my first 3+ months of my journey through my own grief, for that I thank you. You can real me back in anytime you see fit. I have a great respect for you and everyone one this wonderful place HOV. :)

God Bless

Dwayne

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Dear Walt,

I do not think that I or Nats, are any better than anyone else on here. Yes we both have very strong faith, as well as you. I know that you are 5+ years in your grief, do you remember the first 3 months? I remember the first 3+ months into mine. I was very sick all summer long. I had a goal that I hand told Pauline 7 months before she passed. In order for me to reach my goal, while still on unemployment, where there is funding for retaining, I a simple dissection to make. Stay in bed all summer long or dig deep into my soul for that drive and determination, I have had from a very small child. When you are the shortest, and smallest all my life in order to succeed in life or any sport I plaid in school I had to work twice as hard to make the team and get onto the starting line-up. I did that. I made varsity team from 9-12 grade. I made the starting line-up in baseball in ninth grade, the starting 5 in basketball in 10th grade. No one worked harder than I did. In 12 grade we got football. I made the starting line-up and made more catches by double of any other receiver on the team. I was the very first one in my high school to letter in 4 different sports. I am proud of that. So I dug deep to bring back my drive and determination again. It was not easy, is was so weak, and tired, but every day I made my choice to get moving again. Then when Pauline's best friend Donna's husband Greg got hurt. I went up to his house at least 3-4 times a week. Seeing him crying, because his life change, thinking he is a burden to Donna. I lifted him up every time I was there. I got him exercises to do to help him with his legs, to get out of bed again. I took him up one of Pauline's power chairs, a ramp so he could get outside, slowly he came back to life. Now with all my help and patience, helped him walk again, now he can walk on his own. I used my experience with Pauline, to heal a wound he had on his left foot. It is healed now. Donna and Greg were the only one to come to my house, after Pauline passed. Greg cooked some meals for me, when I did not feel like eating. You all have been there, when you do not even want to get out of bed, and start moving again. I made my choice, to live again and get to school, because, as I have said many times, on here. Pauline could and did talk about everything open and honestly, no secrets we ever kept. She wanted me to move on into my new life. I have done that with a lot of hard work. Like Harry is driven to find or help with fund raising so they can find a cure for the cancer that took Jane way to early in life. So am I have the strength and drive to get to my goal and come out of that course as the top one of all the people in my class. I know I can do that.

So Walt no I do not think I or Nats is any better than anyone on here. What we have found is our own way to deal with what life has dealt us, and to dig and scrape our way out into the light of life again. All I wish is for everyone one this amazing place to be able to find their own way back to life again.

God Bless,

Dwayne

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