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Its Been A Long Time

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I haven't been on the site for a very long time. I don't recognize many of the names any longer, my heart goes out to all of you on this site. I know the journey you are on and the pain. My mom died Dec. 06, my dad died 10 months later. 4 years ago, today. I wish after all this time that I would have some powerful words to share, but as Marty told me the other day..."sometimes it helps people just to know you survived"...so thats why I am posting. I went back and read my posts and cannot remember writing the early ones. I did not think I could survive the loss , sadness and pain...but I did. I will never be the same person I was, I had to get used to a whole new "normal"..I still cry everyday but where I get my strength is thru my memories of my parents. I am now able to let the happy memories fill the hole left in my heart.I can talk about my parents with friends and family and we can all laugh at the funny stories. This site was such a blessing to me as I am sure it is to many of you. I met so many wonderful people here. I did end up going to a grief counselor and that was also something that helped me more than I can explain. I don't want to come across that I am "over it" or have it all figured out...I don't. I will never get "over it"...but I can walk outside, see the beautiful fall colors, I can take a deep breath finally, for so long I felt like I couldn't breathe..I can finally put a picture of my parents out(but only one so far) Still cannot watch dvd's of them or listen to their voices on anything..but..I try to find the joy in each day..and by doing this I know I am making my parents proud. Its my wish, that in some small way I have given someone here , what so many people on this site gave me..hope. Take care of yourselves, keep coming to this site.

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