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Well... It's Done.


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How many different ways do we say goodbye? Writing my letter was just one more of many ways in the last 4 months that I have attempted to let go of the best thing that has ever happened me. That day in May when I came home to an empty house knowing it would be forever will be a day locked deep inside my soul. I never got to say goodbyeti my husband, or say the words I love you one final time. The pain drugs took over his pain and then he left me, no final words were spokenbetween us.

Coming to terms...

I have been keeping a blog for myself and family for a while now. Since my husband was diagnosed last year I have journaled about this for family and friends. I am so very grateful I now have this to go back to and read, it helps remind myself of where I've been and the love I was given. I will keep adding to it because it is now a living part of me and a witness of who I might become.

Peace to you.

Deb

redesign08.blogspot.com

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Dear Deb,

I have written many letters to Pauline, It does help a little with grief, but I think we really never let go. Pauline is always with me , in my heart and soul. I always ask her for guidance, I believe she does help me. I know how she would want me to do things. That is the same way I always have done, before she passed.

As far as not getting to say goodbye, he could hear you, even after they, pronounced his death. They can still hear us up to a couple hours after death. Anything you said to him in either state before in the unconscious state, from the pain med's, and after. He heard every word you spoke from your heart. I am so sorry he could not respond to you. I was blessed, that for Pauline's last 2 1/2 days before she past, she was unresponsive also. All I wanted was to hear her say I love you. With her last breath of live, she did say very faint, as I told her I love you Babe, she said, I love you too. Then she was gone.

No we may move on in life but we never really let go of the love of our life. They are always in our heart and soul. I wish that you find some peace in your life.

God Bless

Dwayne

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Deb,

You bring a tear to my eye as I feel what you have conquered, somethng big here, positive energy....I myself never said goodbye I said "see you later my love" based on my beliefs, it left a better feeling in my heart, and I never say goodbye to anyone now as well it's always "I'll see you later"...goodbye is to final for me but we all need to do what works for us...I have written many times on Ruth's Facebook page now locked down except for myself and it is nice to express in writing our feelings...wonderful positive energy here thanks for sharing....

I also kept a daily journal of from the first chemo treatment until she departed, I made entries twice daily keeping everyone informed of all the ups and downs, I have saved it in the origianl form and read it at times and just cry my eyes out but I am so happy I did it and have it....

NATS

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Deb,

I'm glad you got a chance to write the letter and hope it brings you peace and comfort to know you've gotten your say. I STILL write to George, talk to him, etc. Okay, people can declare me legally insane if they want, but it's odd, we'd talked about this before he died (we hadn't known he was going to die, let alone so soon) and we both felt we'd do this, talk to the other when they were gone.

Dwayne,

You say they can hear us up to two hours after their death? I hope it's not that long because a friend's wife went into George's hospital room after he died and kissed him goodbye...she came out crying, that really bothered me and I was glad he was dead and didn't know it because he would have been greatly distressed to learn that his best friend's wife developed more feelings for him than she should have. I felt really weird about it, I didn't like it at all, and if not for the shock of his death I don't know how I might have responded.

I've always felt that there is that "transition period" between this life and what comes because of the people who are clinically dead and brought back with paddles or something...they have recounted hearing us, etc. But I always thought it was just a short time...does anyone else know any information on this?

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According to specialists in hospice and palliative care, a person in the last stages of life will typically sleep more, as the body gradually shuts down. Loved ones are encouraged to keep talking to the person who is dying, because research based on electroencephalograms (EEGs) of people's brain waves indicates that hearing is the last sense to go. Since this is the only objective measure we have, it is assumed that once these brain waves have stopped, the person has died and therefore is incapable of hearing, at least in the sense that we human beings understand the concept of hearing. Communication from one soul or one spirit to another is an entirely different matter, and that is a matter of faith.

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Words are subjective... we hear or feel in these words what matter most to each one of us. In my opinion there is no right or wrong here just a belief system and it gets us by in our grieving. Thank you all for your support.

Some say they will never let go, some say they can't let go, some say there is no need to let go, some refuse to let go. I say by living on the physical plane/earth that I will have to let go to live again fully. I did not say that I would ever forget. There is a difference. I believe if I don't let go of what was then I won't be able to welcome a new future, another beginning. And that won't be fair to myself or anyone else on my new path that may suddenly be beside me. Oh I believe this 100%... but I did not say it was going to be easy for me to accomplish. I will not be turning my back on my husband but I will be embracing living again, I feel I have to or I will be lost forever.

This letter, this goodbye letter was just my beginning. You see... I still have his clothes in my closet. I still sleep in his T-shirt. I still haven't sold his Harley. My road is long but I have a plan, I know what needs to be done. I do want to be happy again and saying goodbye to my best friend ever was my first step.

Peace,

Deb

redesign08.blogspot.com

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