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One Month Today.


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It's officially one month since I received that phonecall. Since I last heard his voice. Since his last 'I love you'. I remember the call from his mother confirming the on-going nightmare.

It's odd though. I hardly have been sleeping with or without sleeping pills. I hardly ever dream. It's very unusual with me. But when I woke up this morning, I remembered the dream I experienced. In that dream, Deric was alive. And he was angry at me. Ignoring me. I woke up and noticed my surroundings and realized he was still gone. I want to cry, but I can't. It's like my body is tired of doing so.

Well, I hope everyone has a good day.

Best wishes.

xoxo,

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Thinking of you and remembering what you are going through 1 month out, for me it was shock and disbelief still, and yes I have gone through many periods of crying then for awhile I can no longer cry.....at 5 months, am I coping better?......yeah I can see it at times. other times not........now I think Im greiving for myself and the many friendships that I thought I could count on during this........alas they are no longer around..

Today my day has been filled with panic recieved word that my friends that took in my horses, are being evicted today!!! I also had left my truck down there for the last 6 months, as I have had Mikes car to drive , havent had the energy to go and retrieve them!! But have had the energy to paint the house.......what a fog I have been in! The truck initially wouldnt start but all of the sudden came to life and made it home, waiting now for the last delivery of my other horse! I havent wanted to go riding since this happened, guess Mike is forcing me back into it!

I hope today you can find some peace and take care of yourself...are you still in ca? Hoping that you can find plenty of support today......Thinking of you!! Dave

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Dear S,

At one month I was a basket case. I didn't even know where to find a grief group, not that I would have had the ability to get there if I had. Remembering to breathe and to eat and to try to sleep saved me--as did the daily preparation for my students. Having work i cared about--that we both had cared about--helped.

Cut yourself some slack. Especially today. Listen to your own heart. Then do what you need to do to get through it. You will. We've all been there. We endured--survived. You will too. Just know today will not be easy.

Consider yourself hugged.

Peace,

Harry

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Dear Stacy,

I agree with Harry, go easy on yourself. At one month I was not sleeping or even feel, like eating, myself. It is like you are on auto pilot, just going through live in kind of a haze. Tears are a good release, and it shows how much love you had for Deric, and the love you lost. Tears are also a good way to release those emotions, you are going through now. Let them flow whereever and whenever they come, after you will feel a tiny bit better.

Also try to find a grief group, and you may go to several different grief groups until you find one that makes you comfortable, to open up and express all those emotions and thoughts going trough your mind. Try to eat healthy now, I learned the hard way, until Harry made me see by eating healthy your body gets the things it needs to rake you through the most traumatic time in your young life. Rest when you can. I can see that you have a lot of positives going on in your life, but grief ways very heavy one a person, and it takes a lot of work to get back to the light of life again. At one month it is way to early to do much else except let time take its course. Hang in there, we are all here to give you the support you will need to get through these first months of grief.

God Bless

Dwayne

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