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Feeling Lost


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It has been five months since I lost my husband, the love of my life. At first, there was just shock and numbness, then unbearable sadness took over. I have been trying to stay busy, getting out of the house as often as I can. I don't find much joy in anything I do. It is very difficult for me now alone in my house and not practical for me to move. I am just seeking some advice from others who are going through this also. I have just joined this group and have read some of the posts. I liked the one about finding something to be grateful for each day and that is my goal.

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Dear Rmh I am gratefull for today has brought some relief from the overwhelming pain that I have dealt with for just over 5 months.....am I ok, not really but trying to adjust to my new identity...when I say I am not ok......it is like I dont know who I am anymore......despite trying to build my new life and seeing many positives!!! I feel awkward, weak,vulnerable, scared..........like everyone on this site.... so please take care and visit here as needed........Dave

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Dear RMH,

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand this pain too well. I lost the love of my life 19 months ago next week after almost 25 years of marriage and 36 years of relationship. It is a tough row to hoe....ambushes when something familiar just pops up and traps your pain, waves of grief that roll in and carry you out to a tough sea. On and on it goes. It changes and does get "better". The big tsunami waves are further apart, you gain strength in dealing with it all, the rawness develops a protective skin, the dips don't take you as far down as often. the loneliness has not changed for me. I miss Bill as much today as I did the day he died but I am better at handling all of it.

One day (moment, hour) at a time. Honor your grief and embrace it....take care of YOU. Do what YOU want....as Steve Jobs said so well...do not live someone else's life. We are here for you.

Peace,

Mary

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Hi RMH

Today marked the anniversary of my dear Buck's death. I reflected this entire week about the past year, and now that I have gone through all the holidays, his birthday, our special dates and now the actual death date, I find that the horror of it all has passed, yet his absence is still felt. At the beginning, coming home was unbearable and all I did was cry. I guess I'm used to his not being here now, but the loss of his presence in my life is what continues to cause deep sorrow. It's much like the other posters have stated, the storms are further apart, but the loss remains real; I'm just a bit better at dealing with it now. I am so sorry for your loss, and five months is still very new--time is the healer. It's okay that being at home without him is paralyzing and there may still be an overwhelming feeling of disbelief. These are expected reactions, but at least you are getting out and about--that can be therapeutic and I'm happy to know you're able to do so. I'm still working on getting out more often. Remember, we all do grief differently. Take care.

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Dear RMH,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad to see that you have found this wonderful place, where there are so many great people who are in all stages of grief.

Mine has been a little different. I lost my wife Pauline, it will be 8 months on the 25. We were together 33 years and married 30. She had MS. That is what took her. We had planned and talked about everything she and I wanted at the end. When the end came, it was fast, really only about 4 months until she passed. The MS could not be stopped. I set myself goals, that I want to do around 7 months before she passed. I had quit my job of 27 years to care for her, what turned out to be her last 2 1/2 years of her life. One thing I found out about grief is that you never know when that next wave will hit. If it will be big or small. After she passed. I thought I was doing ok. Made some plans, and then my bodies started having health problems, that I did not know was going on for awhile. I found out it was from the long term care giving, it took a toll on my body. This summer was like a summer lost, due to many health, problems. I have fought through them and now I am healthy again. I will start nursing school on Nov. 7. I walk every day, a attend a hospice support meeting at least once a week. I have found that the more you talk, cry, and let all the different emotions come out, it helps, you feel better after. The support group meetings have really help me through my grief, to understand, and deal with all the waves that has can and went. Now, the waves have subsided, and they do not come as often. It takes a lot of work and focus, to see the positives in the new life, that none of us wanted. Just take one day or even one hour at a time, and you to can and will get back into the world of the living again.

God Bless

Dwayne

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Thanks to eveyone who responded to my post with kind words. It is so helpful to share feelings with others although I have difficulty in doing so. I have gone to a group which was helpful but still feel very alone. I went to church this morning and find some peace there.

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