10 Steps Backwards

[ustwo]

I haven't abandoned this site. It's just been a hard week. Can't find comfort anywhere. Even in church this morning it felt as if God had disappeared. It's no good saying what I want....I can't have my Gene. This emptiness consumes every minute. All I want is to go to sleep and just not wake up. At least that would be peace. Time is so curel without......! I've smoked too much this week. I've paced the floors all week. I even bought all sorts of sweets....boy, that was stupid thinking I could get something out of that. Neighbors drop by and all I can do is wait for them to leave...don't want to be around anyone. People call and soon as the tears start they don't know what to do and then they cut it short. I don't want to talk anyway. His scent is gone so I pull out his aftershave. So much for two steps back........the pain is always. I can see the world going on out my window and I just don't want any part of it. Maybe this week I'll be able to take one step forward again.

I've been thinking of all of you this week hoping no one else is journeying backwards. Wishing Serenity for all of you wonderful people.

I miss you Gene!

I love you Gene!

Always my love!

Always!