New Member

[pmpupdamike]

Hello. I want to first say, how very sorry, I am for all the losses, that have been experianced by everyone here. I recently lost my father about a month ago. I can not seem to resolute, much of my emotions. I often feel very alone, I can't seem to put to peace, much of the ordeals surrounding my father's death. I hope to find, insight, support and friendship. I, in turn, would like to provide the same, if given the opportunity.

A little about me, I am 38, and originally from Nyc. I like to think of myself, as contemporary, but also lover of the old, and classical. I find myself, dealing with my grief, in the oddest manners. I tend to be a bit escapist. I hope to meet you all.

M

[Babypod]

Welcome to the group. I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I came here about a month after the loss of my beloved Grandmother (she raised me and was my best friend as well).

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help - even if it is just an ear to listen to. Grandma will have been gone for 7 months on the 11th - and there are still days where it feels like it was yesterday. I don't cry everyday now, although I think of her every day and try to make her a part of my family's life even though she is gone.

Angel

[pmpupdamike]

Hi Angel, thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate your good thoughts, and I want to extend my sympathies for your loss. I have good and bad days, unfortunately my father's death, brought with it, some family issues, that I yet have to resolve.

[niamh]

hi pmpupdamike ,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Dad. I wish there were words of comfort but as I always say they just do not exist, there is nothing anyone can say to "make this better".

I also read your post regarding activity on this board and feeling like not many responded. I have been on this board about 18 months now and all I can say is just hang tough, this place can feel like an online family. Yes it can be somewhat quiet sometimes but of all the grief forums online I've seen it's by far the most active and every here is so sincere as I think you can see.

I come and read here every single day (sometimes several times a day) but sometimes I just dont have the energy to write, sometimes feel I don't know what to say and truthfully sometimes I feel like I will sound discouraging to newer members when I am almost at the 2 year mark of losing my Dad and still struggling.

I lost my Dad in Dec 09, he went into hospital 1 week before Christmas with kidney stones and was scheduled for routine surgery 3 days later. Why they waited so long I don't know, he was stuck on a trolley in the corridor of the ER which added more stress. 6 hours before his op he went to the bathroom and went into cardiac arrest. I have no words for the shock, the loss, to this day my new reality can stun me so much.

My Dad was my best friend, I have no siblings and was such a Daddys girl (my parents were 5 years trying to have me!). We did everything together, planned everything together from holidays to birthday presents, Christmas presents. I am so lost without him and now as Christmas approaches along with 2nd anniversary i am just dreading it. The loneliness rips me apart at times.

This site has and continues to be a lifeline to me, everyone is so caring, nobody judges, nobody expects you to be a certain way, feel a certain way. I know society in general tends to give you 1 year max and once all the "firsts" are over you're expected to be fine, life goes back to normal. Well, reality is so so different as far as I am concerned. I feel like I am in a different time continuim to everyone else. Like I said my Dad will be gone 2 years on Dec 17th. 2 years used to be quite a long time, very much so in the past but no so anymore. Now 2 years since losing my Dad feels like only weeks ago although it does also feel like a lifetime since I saw him.

I know at one month I struggled very much with everything surrounding how we lost him, what the hospital did etc. I had so much anger and rage. It hasn't fully disappeared but I guess I have more of a handle on it these days, that's not to say I don't erupt like a volcano at times :-).

Please know people are reading and can relate even if they don't respond immediately so please stay with us and you will find people who can relate.

sending love and ((hugs)) your way

Niamh

[pmpupdamike]

Niamh, you sound like a kind, humane, and sweet woman. No doubt, your father was/is very proud of you. How very lucky you both were, to have each other in your lives. It was a gift, and I appreciate you sharing that with me. I know, society does force certain restrictions, and time lines, part of my issue, is that I never seem to fall within those constraints.

I am so sorry for your loss, I think, there is no time line for the amount of time, in which you grieve. American culture has not real ritual in regards to death, so that leaves a lot of us, in a mournful state of Limbo. I hope you are able to find ways to honor your dad's memory, by keeping him alive in small ways. I think, it does help. In my case, my dad loved loved, Xmas lights. My Husband and I are planning to make our xmas decorations bigger this year, in his memory. lol..it makes me laugh, but trust me, the urge to burst into tears, is overwhelming also.

thank you for your kind words, thoughts, and the willingness to share with me.

Be Well

Mir

[niamh]

thank you so much for such kind words Mir.Yep my Dad was the best gift I could have ever asked for. I too often felt like I was the one and only exception to society's "rules on grief". Everytime people would say the usual cliches I would think they don't apply to me, I'm different from everyone else. But after coming here I have thankfully realised no we are not exceptions, we just all deal with the loss of our loved ones in OUR WAY in OUR TIME & I think the more people talk about grief the more we educate those who have so little patience. I refuse to brush it under the carpet with anyone (within reason of course) and those who can't or don't want to deal with then for now I have to distance myself from them.

Actually I often think somehow it's my Dad who keeps his memory alive through me & my actions. I've always been told how alike we are in so many ways,more and more as I got older, so many little habits which I did often notice but since his loss it's become so much stronger and I feel pround and truly priviliged & grateful to be so like him.I have actually surprised myself many times probably most especially when it comes to my Mom and I feel like I am becoming more like him everyday. My hope is he is somewhere watching over me with one big smile and feeling as proud as he always did, I only wish I could chat with him about everything.

((hugs)) to you

Niamh

xo