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My Beautiful Grandson Gone Only 22 Months


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Just 3 weeks ago my beautiful Grandson's life was take by his Father who shot him then took his own life. He was a very happy boy very loved by all and had a gift of making people smile. I never realize what pain someone losing a child went through till this. You have heart break and mourning and crying and wanting to hold the child and many other mixed emotions. Then of course the anger and rage of what the father did. It eats you up inside. A week ago i returned to work and it like im there but not there. I now feel out of place where ever i go and people calling me and i do know they care saying "Just checking to see if your ok.Of course i say im fine but.. Im not.. I go to bed and in the quietness i cry, i drive my car to work, I cry. It just feels that the tears never stop. And with the holidays coming i just don't want them. My grandson was my Christmas present Born Dec 24, 2009. Where does one start to deal with a death of a child so loved.

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Dear dw154,

I can't tell you how sorry I am for this loss. It is hard enough to lose a child but to have it be under such violence is just so much more difficult. Of course you are in a fog, crying, and so very sad. Coming here is a wise decision as we have all lost a loved one and get a lot of support here. There are no judgments and people embrace you via the internet.

I think you might reconsider how honest you want to be when people call. My husband died last year and it was so easy to just say I was fine when I wasn't. I learned who I can be honest with and who I need to say, "I am hanging in there" (my response). Those folks are calling because they care. Can you pick out one or two and just invite them over to talk. For me, talking about Bill and my pain mattered a lot. Also seeking out a Compassionate Friends group. They are focused on losing a child. http://.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx

They offer on line groups but there may be a group that meets nearby. Hospice also offers grief support groups. I urge you to consider a group or a grief counselor to help you through this. I still see a grief counselor periodically and it has been almost 19 months since Bill died.

Be gentle with yourself. do what feels good. Tears are healing...don't fear them. But also distract yourself with your job or other things once in a while. Others will also post ideas and I suspect Marty, our incredible leader, will post some helpful advice when she sees your post. Come back often...daily or more often...it just feels good.

Peace,

Mary mfh

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My dear friend,

Words cannot convey how horrified I am to read of this tragic, horrible event in your life, and I can only imagine how devastated you must feel in the midst of all of this.

Given the horrible circumstances you describe, in addition to Mary's excellent suggestions, I want to point you to a number of helpful resources (all of which are listed on my Grief Healing Web site, under the categories of Death of an Infant, Child, Grandchild and Traumatic Loss, but which I want to separate out and list here for your convenience). I hope with all my heart that you will take the time to visit and explore each one of these sites. It is imperative that you understand why you're feeling as you do, that you get connected to some of the wonderful sources of help out there that are available to you, and that you do not attempt to deal with this unspeakable tragedy all by yourself.

The sites I want to suggest to you are these:

Parental Grief in the Wake of Homicide

Parents of Murdered Children

Resources for Death,Grief, and Survivors of Homicide

AGAST Allianceof Grandparents, A Support in Tragedy

The CompassionateFriends

GrandparentGrief

Grandparent Grief Articles, Resources from Kota Press

Dear Conner, AGrandmother's Pain (Book by Sherry Van Pelt)

Forgotten Tears: A Grandmother's Journey through Grief (Book by Nina Bennett)

Grandmother Shares Story of Double Loss (Article by SherryVan Pelt)

I'm pleased to know that you were able to find your way here, and I hope you will feel free to use this forum to give words to your grief and share your story with others. There is a great deal of caring, emotional support and inspiration to be found on this site, and you will be among others who know from their own experience the searing pain of grief.

You have a very long and difficult road ahead of you, my dear, and some very heavy burdens to bear, but I hope you'll soon discover that you are not alone in your journey, and that you don't have to carry those burdens all by yourself. Please know that we are thinking of you, and we are holding you in our hearts at this sad and difficult time.

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