Newbie

[bluetopaz]

I lost my husband of 21 years married and 25 together to the scourge of cancer after a 2+ year fight 6-7-11. The grief at this point has me almost non-functional...I am sure it is spiking because of the holiday season and my 50th birthday are approaching. My hubby did make it to celebrate his 50th before he passed.

Just here to possibly connect with some people who are experiencing the same as I am...maybe when I get further down the road I could help someone else or a new widow(er) as BTDT. Hello to all and I hope your journey through this maze of emotions is uncomplicated. The cancer experience is like being bi-polar, the highs are so high and the lows are so low. I don't feel that now, just extremely depressed. The 6 month anniversary of my husband's passing is on the horizon as well so maybe that is part of it. Thee triggers can be so weird, one nite it was a sunset, a couple kissing on TV,a smell of his cologne, etc.

Now I am beginning to ramble which is too easy to do!!! ; ) Thanks and I look forward to meeting all of you!

Shelley

[mfh]

Hello blue topaz,

I am so sorry for your loss. We all understand here. I lost my husband and/soulmate 20 months ago and this is my second round of holidays and the pain does increase for most of us at holiday time. I also turned 70 the day after Bill' burial and that is a birthday I won't forget. This is a tough journey we are all on. Come often. Vent, share, cry and we will reach out. It does change. We will never be the same and we learn slowly how to live with our losses.

Peace,

Mary

[dave s]

Hi, welcome to our exclusive group, that you will find great support, comfort, and encouragement from each of the wonderefull members here! I lost the love of my life MIke, at the age of 45, on 12/9/11 it will be 7 months, so I undersand the debilitating grief that you are suffering from, plus the holiday triggers that are present, made it through Thanksgiving with some tears, but wonder what Xmas will bring for me ...... take care am thinking of you.....Dave

[kayc]

Shelley,

I am so sorry for all you have been and are going through. Already it's been enough for one person for a lifetime and yet you find yourself continually going through this grief with no end in sight. Right now you are approaching the six month mark...many feel the 5-7 month mark one of the hardest...that's the time in which shock has worn off and reality has set in. Friends and relatives have gone home and moved on and you're left alone with the aftermath of all of the changes that have occurred in your life as a result of his passing. You were used to care-taking and your active involvement with that and now there's just...nothing. You may be feeling a loss of purpose and all that was good has disappeared and left you feeling flat. You may not see the point in the day to day existence you now find yourself in. And those feelings are normal and ones we have or have had. Your life won't ever be exactly as it was, but eventually you will make your way through this maze and adjust, little by little, and the frantic feelings, many of the fears, the deep, deep pain, will subside into something more palatable.

I welcome you to this site, this place has been a lifesaver to me, I thank God for it. It was nice to know that all that I felt was normal, that there were other gone before me that could lend some insight to me, that there were others there to take my hand as we progressed through this together. This place is like a family, we understand each other, support each other, and now we are here for you too.

The fact that you are looking down the road with the idea in mind that maybe someday you can help someone else going through this, tells me a lot about you. I look forward to getting to know you.

Kay

[bluetopaz]

Thank you so much for your kind replies. I am so sorry for all of your losses too! I knew God would lead me to a place of comfort if I just looked hard enough.

Dave...you are almost at the same place as me regarding the timing of your loss and I feel the same things you do! So sorry for you! I read your post regarding the holiday music and I will reply to the thread directly but it is driving me crazy too! All I feel is BAAAAAHUMBUG!!!! I have kids so they keep me going but if I didn't I know I would be in bed 24-7. Please take care of yourself.

Mary...so sorry about your husband. Henry was buried the day of his Grandmother's funeral and he lived with her at night for 13 years. Before he passed he had a dream about his Grandmother and mine, they are both deceased, so the timing of it all was planned by God I know. Thanks for giving me hope that I will make it somehow.

Kay...thank you so much for pegging my feelings to the tee. I do feel all of what you described and it is great to know that the depression now is not uncommon. You are also correct, the past 2 years of caregiving were so hard, especially since the cancer was stage IVb at diagnosis, he needed 2 stem cell transplants and we chose to go out of state for them. I had to leave my 3 daughters at home with my inlaws who traveled 1300 miles to my home for 2 3 month periods plus intermittent chemo and imaging. Further complicating the situation I am a nurse which is a double-edged sword because it is nice to know what is going on medically but it's also not a good thing. So we all grieved through each setback and when he passed I felt a sense of peace which of course I felt guilty for. I thought throughout the treatment/dying process I had felt it all but I was wrong. I think I am reaching the anger phase now...didn't think it would happen but I guess it is inevitable. Anyway, enough rambling and thank you.

Nice to meet you and look forward to being here.

Shelley

[Dwaynecg]

Dear Shelley,

I welcome you to this great site, under the most difficult time of your life. My wife Pauline, passed on 2/25/2011. We were married 30 years together for 33. She had MS ( Multiple Sclerosis ), for many years. That is what took her was end stage MS. It has been very hard. What you describe fits me to a tee the first 4-5 months. From being a long term care giver, I started having health problems that I never had before, after she passed. Then on he 5 month day of her passing I had to have an operation. As they were waking me up in the recovery room, the last thing I saw, was Pauline's face, Healthy and Happy, even the same hair color I had dyed it for her 5 weeks before she passed. That moment changed my life. It lit a fire inside me, to move forwards in my life, like we had talked about so many times over the years. That is what she want for me most of all, to grieve, but also make little steps into the land of the living again. I can say that I have made a lot of steps and have came a long way. It has not been easy at all. I still cry for her, but one thing I do is focus on all the good times and memories, and not the ending. You will get though this at your own pace and your own way. No two people go through grief the same. Just keep coming back, and talk about whatever is on your mind at the time. There is a lot of great people on her who will be able to lift you up when needed.

God Bless

Dwayne

[nats]

Hello Shelley,

Instead of wishing you a welcome here I prefer to say glad you found us...while we all go thru our phases of grief in very different ways we all have that common void and feelings of loss, emptiness and confusion, you have found a very helpful group of people here all with there own stories, all different but yet all to much alike in feelings...I fully understand your feelings and emotions, I am approaching 2 years on Feb 14. since my wife Ruth passed after an 8 month hard fight with lung cancer, 8 months from being diagnosed to passing, I still can not believe this has all happened and as I look back it seems as though time is passing at a pace faster than I like but I can not control, I really have no sense of time these days, 2 years feels like yesterday and the concept of time now is different as days are like hours, weeks like days, months are like weeks and years are like months...Dec. 16th is her Birthday and as it approaches along with preparing for Christmas the emotions are flowing and my heart is fragile indeed, even as we progress in healing we will have our moments...I wish you the best in the days ahead and we are all here for support, if you find you are lost in your grief come here for some directions as everyone here has so much to offer and you will learn much on how to travel the road of grief making it a little less confusing enduring all the ups, downs, twists and turns....I wish you comfort and peace in the days ahead...

NATS