Good Piece On Medications And Grief

[mfh]

This link: http://ptbertram.wor...state-of-grief/ will take you to a good piece on medications and grief. The author, Pat Bertram, is the author of several books. She lost her husband on the very same day that my Bill died, March 27, 2010. Marty posted a piece from her blog a couple weeks ago and after reading it, I emailed Pat....and we have been corresponding ever since. We are slowly becoming friends and have a lot in common in how we see the journey of grief, how we do the journey and how we view life, relationships and so much more. Reading her pieces on grief is almost like reading my own journal. You might want to read them....they are archived on her blog. She is also publishing her book on her grief journey in 2012.

It continues to be cold and gray here. I was going to drive with a friend about 90 minutes away to participate in Taize chant tonight but my energy got drained moving into my new art studio....a nice way to drain energy which happens so quickly doing hardly anything. Maybe next Monday for Taize. I now I will weep my way through it....that is a given. Holidays are exhausting with grief as a partner on the walk through December days (daze).

Peace,

Mary

[MartyT]

Good find, this article on grief ~ thank you, Mary!

[dave s]

Mary Thanks for posting this piece on meds, shares my thoughts..........and cant wait to get home from work tonight to post this piece on facebook, really think that " others" in my life, need to read this....Dave

[mfh]

I agree Dave....making a normal human issue a disease is just not acceptable. Granted there are situations where meds are needed but that is the exception NOT the rule. The world needs to come to terms with their fear and discomfort around grief and sadness and the expression of feelings....Mary

[melina]

I understand the general perspective here that one should not use medication of any kind while grieving. But speaking on behalf of those of us who throughout our lives have had to deal with periods of debilitating depression - let me just state that sometimes medication is necessary.

I'm not saying that one should medicate grief. Grief isn't an illness, I know. But stress will often trigger a depression in those predisposed to the illness - and what could possibly be more stressful than the overwhelming grief after the loss of a loved one?

I do believe that tranquilizers can delay the grief process and that one should be wary of those. I'm speaking from experience. Alcohol is probably not a good idea either. We have to be careful. I get it.

But again - if someone is clinically depressed, then antidepressants can be of help while they're getting other forms of treatment - counseling or therapy. Depression is such a crippling illness, and in extreme cases it can even end in suicide. Isn't medication better than that? I don't think we should feel ashamed of having to seek this kind of help.

Melina

[mfh]

Hi Melina,

I totally agree with you. If someone has a history of depression, meds may be needed....those are the exceptions I was speaking about. We both know body chemistry can dictate the need for meds grief or no grief...or other causes of depression have made the use of meds necessary in the past and certainly a huge loss like we have gone through easily trips that off. I am with you.

Mary

[kayc]

I'd have been a heck of a lot better off medicating than what I did...remarrying. There is nothing wrong with a Rx helping you cope, it's a matter of finding the right one for you, one that takes the edge off so you can deal with things a bit easier rather than one that makes you a zombie or permanently alters the brain. Not all medicines are the same!

[melina]

Mary,

I know you had those exceptions in mind. I just wanted to use the post to make a point. I really don't think I could have coped without the antidepressants. But I do wish I had listened to others and been more careful with tranquilizers and alcohol. Still - I've managed to cut that out now. It's possible that the new wave of grief I've felt the last few months - very intense - could be due to my "waking up" from the tranquilizers. We make so many mistakes when life tosses us around, but then we're only human.

Kay,

I also felt that sudden need for a new partner, just a few months after my husband died. Luckily there were no men around, or I might have made a similar mistake. I didn't really want a new partner - I was just desperate to the point of hysteria, terrified of my "new" life. The pain was too great for me to be able to think clearly. Sorry you had to go that route - but at least you've learned something from it.

Looking back, I think I've literally been out of my mind with grief. I haven't been able to think clearly, I've done lots of things that make no sense and seem basically a little crazy.

Now I'm settling down. Life is not good, but it's manageable. I don't feel desperate and I can accept having to live the rest of my life alone. It might be preferable to living with someone that's not Thyge. I don't look forward to the rest of my life, but I suppose I'll manage somehow.

Melina

[kayc]

Melina,

Speaking from my own experience, we can be out of our ever-lovin' mind with grief! I'll never forget that first year, it was horrible, and there is no hand book we can read that will help us do everything "right". Even if there were, we wouldn't have the focus to read and process it.