Anger

[Wifflesnook]

Dear Anne

Good advice. I am trying to learn to just be where I am whilst at the same time cherishing the memories of happy times. I'm not succeeding but I know it's good advice so maybe a step at a time will get me there. I read this thread not realising it was a year old at first. I'm glad I did because it has some good advice and some heartfelt messages on it. We are all in this together even though we all inhabit our own lonely little planet too. Grief separates us from those who don't know it but bonds us with those who sadly do. I wish everyone strength in their attempts to cope with sadness. Jan

[mfh]

Kavish,

It seems to me the river is running. You have shared your feelings here and for someone who is not used to doing that, just taking the chances you have taken is a huge step forward. I honor that.

Peace

Mary

[Kavish]

Hi Mary,

Thanks for the kind tone. I went to school to read and write, so I can do that. But I wish there was a school of emotions, like the school of thoughts where they would teach to be carefree and smile and be happy you are alive. O Well, I am learning the real know how now.

Thanks,

Kavish

[mfh]

Kavish,

Emotions are a life long learning challenge. I grew up in a home where we did not talk about feelings and though I saw all that was going on there, I had no support for my insights. I learned later in life and with my husband, Bill, and as a therapist in training and in my office about the world of feelings. It is never too late and you have the most important key...a willingness to learn and an open mind. Reading, support groups, counseling and just plain old life are all our teachers. Stick with the forum...lots of feelings are shared here. I wish you peace.

Mary

[kayc]

Kavish,

There is a school for emotions...it's called Life. I learned a long time ago that emotions are just that...emotions. They aren't designed to govern us, they are there to experience. That's why they work best when used in conjunction with our brains. If we have our brain engaged, we can use it to balance our emotions and keep everything in perspective. We cannot be faulted for our emotions but we do need to learn to not let them rule us. I'm glad I learned this before losing my husband, because when we grieve, we experience all kinds of emotions. It's good to have a safe place to vent, someone to listen and care, but also good to recognize that our life is not solely defined by our emotions...if we didn't know that, we'd have a really hard time making it through the days where we want to scream, cry, feel angry. We know that tomorrow may look different to us and that hope helps us reach it.

[missing him]

Mary - you nailed it! Exactly how I feel. I haven't been posting here because I just haven't been doing good. I think it is because of the 1st holidays alone and feeling exactly what you just wrote. Brought me to tears. Wishing you peace. Missing Him

[mfh]

And peace to your heart...I do think that when you are not doing well, it is a good time to post. Consider that...even a tiny bit of understanding from folks here can lift your spirits for a few minutes. The first holidays are tough...and the second also...over time it gets a bit easier but frankly this holiday season is tough for me also.

I was at a "salad luck" (vs potluck) tonight...about 7 women who meet once a month and everyone brings salad ingredients...I laughed and we shared and then I cried all the way home and still am. It is usually not a group where I can take off my mask...individually I can with a couple of them but only once in a while does the conversation turn heavy and I feel ok about sharing but I have learned when and where to let the pain show. Not worth it in the wrong setting. I find that when I wear the mask...the tears just pile up behind the dam and then the dam bursts.