Son Hurts My Feelings

[blw215]

As I've said on here my husband died last year. This year has been really bad for me. A lot of the stress is due to the indifference of my son. He's the only child I have and sometimes it feels like I have no children at all.

At first, he, his wife and children (he has two grown children) were there for me but gradually the caring went away.

My husband had done everything here at the house as far as maintaining it. Of course, I knew nothing about plumbing, electricity, etc. When I tried to ask my son about things he seemed extremely upset with me. He came over and did a few things for me, and after that I tried not to bother him. Of course then I had to find my own way and this resulted in my having to pay for services. When I would tell him,, he would tell me I probably paid too much and I was thinking that if I could have asked him maybe things would have been different.

I would like to call over at their house to ask his opinion on things but when his wife picks up she will say he is eating dinner or doing something else so I just say, "I'm sorry would you have him call me later?". When he calls back he acts as though I want him to do something again, or if he picks up the phone and it's me his voice sounds like he's sorry it's me. So I just don't call or go over to their house anymore (they live about 5 miles from me). I have cried many tears over this as I love him and his family very much. All the family I have now is my sister and my brother who lives in VA (I'm in PA). My mother is 91 and is in a nursing facility with dementia. I go to see her every week but she's not the mother I knew anymore. I thought my son would help a little more because he knows the situation with my family but I guess I was wrong.

It's very lonely and I asked them if I could go out with them to eat one Friday a month (they eat out every Friday evening) and I went 1 time and paid my own bill which was expected of me. Then I never was asked again.

There are so many other things that have happened which I won't get into here but I was just wondering if anyone else here has had this problem. Besides still mourning for my husband I mourn for the son who, it seems most of the time has forgotten me. Sure, it's a situation where you can choose to feel sorry for yourself or move on but I'm finding the moving on is taking more time than I thought.

[Kavish]

I am sorry for the loss of your husband last year. I lost my best friend sometime ago but still I feel she is there with me. I feel we have to have faith in ourselves and allow ourselves to grieve and remain strong through this period. I am sorry about the trouble you are having facing new challenges but you will surpass them over time.

Regards,

Kavish

[kayc]

I am sorry you are feeling so alone. I really know how you feel. Kids get busy with their own lives and sometimes feel stressed and the one little thing we ask of them seems to be the one thing that sends them over the edge. It sounds like you aren't able to turn to your son for supportiveness. Do you have a church family? It could be that would be an answer for you...in our church the men's ministries sometimes helps the widows in our church but fixing something around their house or cutting wood or something. Of course they don't do the big things that require a contractor or a licensed person, but if there is a real need, I'm sure they'd do what they could. It also might be good to get together with a group of ladies or widows once a week or so, maybe it'd be something you could start. You could meet in a restaurant or take turns hosting each other. Sometimes just having something scheduled gives us something to look forward to and that's half the enjoyment.

[blw215]

Thanks for answering my post girls.

Yes, I do have a church family and I'm sure any one of the gentlemen would be glad to help me but our church members are aging and I'm not sure if any of them could do what I needed at the time. But that is a wonderful idea. Now, the rest of the things are jobs which are going to need done in the next few months and WILL need a contractor.

As far as getting together with other widows, the funeral home which took care of all the arrangements for my husband has a social worker who has grief therapy for anyone (man or woman) who loses a loved one every week for up to a year and it was wonderful. But the best part is that we all get together 1 day a month and go to a restaurant where we have our own room and eat and talk about problems, etc. Through this I met a wonderful woman and we go to the movies, out to eat, etc. These are things I look forward to and that helps the loneliness.

Thanks again,

Bonnie