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It's Music Again....


mfh

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Well, last night I drove about 90 min to the Sinsinawa Dominican Motherhouse with a friend...because they were holding an Advent liturgy comprised mostly of Taize chant. Bill and I used to do this because we love chant. Neither of us are church goers though we each come from a religious background. There are pieces of my past that I still cherish. Here are two samples. Chant resonates with our highest chakras, i.e. our levels of conscientiousness, and uplifts our spirits. I hope I do not offend anyone by posting something religious but chant is a universal form of prayer. For obvious reasons I sat in tears but was able to sing a lot of it. Listen and you will know why. I took home the candle we each lit because I lit mine for Bill.

Tonight I attended our charter school Christmas deal because a close friend is the principal, a soul sister and I wanted to support her...I drove home wailing....could not handle families, happy, singing, Christmas, could not take it. These are difficult days. If I stay home it is hard and if I go something it is hard.

Tomorrow night is a solstice event and dinner with friends at the host's house. I will take my drum and Bill's drum and we shall drum around a fire in the woods and talk and eat chicken chili. Three people at this event are in great pain and we all know that about each other. It will be ok I guess. Friday, my brother arrives for 5 days. He has no clue what to say to me. Asks how I am and when I am honest...he changes the subject. He is caring and loving and just has not a clue. He is a priest...no experience with intimacy...though a good man who people adore. It will be tough. I have approached this with him several times and finally decided it is to no avail.

January, wherefore art thou???? Come quickly...these days are a challenge.

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OH! Dear Mary,

I should have seen, Do you have some Native American in you? When you talk about the Winter Solstice, it brings back memories of see the Navaho when I was very young doing the same thing at the winter solstice. I think it is great for you to continue doing this, even though the tears steam down, and your heart ached for Bill. I say GOOD FOR YOU!

I sing all religious, Christians song, they lift me up. Sometimes by the time we are done I have tears in my eyes as well. It just show our great depth of love we had, and still have in our hearts for our loved ones.

I have another concert tonight at an nursing home. I really like bringing joy to the sick and yes dyeing people, that this maybe the last Christmas they will experience. That is when I am really at my best. I get so much joy in return to see all the happy and glowing faces after we sing our best.

I will check out the you tube after.

Gob Bless, Mary

Dwayne

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No Native American blood, Dwayne...I am of Irish German descent. I just appreciate and participate in various cultural traditions. Tonight about 20 of us "over 60...well, ok....over 70" crowd had a lovely potluck and then outside to the woods (my friend lives in the woods) where we walked to a robust fire. Each of us threw in a piece of paper with what we wish to leave behind or draw to us in the coming year. Many shared theirs. (Some wanted Walker gone from the Governor's Mansion, of course). Most were deeper. I wrote that I want to live in the present moment. Drumming, laughter, singing....and then they all went in for dessert. I made my exit as I was tired. A couple others left also. Earlier at the celebration I had a wonderful conversation with a friend who asked me all about Bill's death and my grieving...he was sincerely interested, wanting information but mostly reaching to me...he is now losing a close friend to cancer...we talked for about 30 minutes and said he would like to do that again. He and his wife, who I ate with, are good people. When Bill died she knitted me a prayer shawl which I wear when I meditate. I am very blessed....AND yes, I cried all the way home....I miss Bill terribly. I hate going home alone. This Christmas is much more difficult than last....

January, wherefore art thou??? Tomorrow I have to interview for my publication in the morning and then have NOTHING scheduled and I am way overdue for solitude.

Peace

Mary

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