Today

[PJK]

I am new here but no stranger to your stories. I have been reading them for many months now and they have been of comfort since I lost my mum. Today it will be the first year anniversary and I am falling apart. I feel as if I have been greiving for two as I have been carrying my dad's grief too. He has been devastated by her loss - she died 4 days short of their 60th anniversary and she did everything for him. I am the only daughter that lives close to him, the other two are in a different state and country. I try to do as much as I can for him but I have a stressful job too. I have tried to be strong but I don't know how I am going to get through this day - I can no longer say "this time last year she was with us". I miss her so much. Thank you for listening.

[niamh]

hi PJK

First off I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Mom. I am 2 years into my Dad leaving this world, I remember the first anniversary well..........nothing at all wrong with falling apart. It is hard to when you feel you're carrying your Dad's grief. Wow, losing her 4 days before their 60th is so awful. My parents would have been 40 years married 4 months after we lost him. It is hard too caring for your Dad aswell as yourself, grief takes so much of you every single day. I am an only child so my Mom is pretty dependant on me and I do everything I can for her but I have days where I just feel I can't do anymore. (yep stressful job too at times).

I remember the exact moment on my Dad's first anniversary when I could no longer say "this time last year" and that timeframe would refer to a moment when he was still here. That in itself felt like a huge shock never again being able to say those words, now I'm even gone beyond this time "2 years ago".

I am glad you have got some little comfort from reading here, I think my brain would have just snapped in half with the emotional turmoil if it hadn't been for this site and the understanding & patience everyone has reassuring me that there was nothing wrong with any of my feelings. That patience and understanding definitely changes and diminishes in real life. I have some very good friends who've been my rock but I did notice a huge difference this year in the people who remembered Dad's second anniversary, it had dwindled quite a bit.

I hope you stay sharing with us and sending you much love and hugs for the holidays

Niamh