My Thomas

[beth]

Hi,

I am Beth. I had a son, Thomas, who was killed in a car accident in March. It was 4 days after his 20th birthday. I feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I have never felt such pain and sense of hoplessness. I don't mean suicide hopeless. Just Hopeless. I do not feel like I have anything to look forward too. I built my life around Thomas. We were always very close. Not only was he my Son, he was my Friend. I was always interested in what he did and we had lots of common interests. We dined out together on a regular basis and I did things with Thomas and his friends. I have had his friends tell me that they envied the relationship we had. We always had each others back. We joked, played, laughed and cried together. HE was an amazing young man. He was compassionate, kind, loving and a devoted friend to all who knew him. I can't understand why HE died and I am still here. I feel he could have made such a contribution.

I just wanted you all to know a little about my son. I hope to hear from someone who is farther along in the grief process. I hope someone can tell me that I may feel better one day! Please

Thanks for the forum,

BEth

[MartyT]

My dear Beth,

We are, every single one of us, so very sorry that it is the tragic, accidental death of your precious son Thomas that brings you to this forum, and you have our deepest sympathy.

The questions you've asked in your other post are important ones: Why did this happen? Why did your precious son lose his life just as it was starting? Why are you still here? Why should you get up everyday? What are you supposed to look forward to? Will you ever be happy again?

We may not have all the answers for you, Beth, but we respect and honor your right to ask such questions, and we will be right here beside you as you struggle to make some sense of all of this and as you work toward finding the answers.

I know that kind and caring others will be reading your words and soon will be sharing their thoughts and experiences with you in this forum. I simply wanted to greet you with loving arms, to welcome you to this warm and compassionate place, and to assure you that you are not alone.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[MaryG]

Beth,

I am so sorry for the tragic death of your son. What you are going through is normal. I can't promise that you'll get over what you are experiencing but it will be easier to deal with at some point. The grief never goes away and you'll always have a hole in your heart but it will get buried deeper and become less intense.

My youngest son was murdered almost nine years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think about him and miss him. I cry over the least little thing. Then, last December, my husband died after a long battle with cancer and that brought back all the old grief to the surface and I'm grieving for both of them. I feel like my life doesn't have a purpose any more. The days are endless and I don't know what to do with myself but I think eventually I will find a new meaning to life.

Hang in there and just take it one day at a time and one day you will find you can smile again and the good memories of your son will begin to bring you peace.

Mary

[aunt]

hi beth

i just wanted to chime in here, your post made me think. my sister lost her 21 yr old son just 3 months ago. they had gone thru some difficult years, mostly typical teeanger stuff and she was a single mom. in the most recent year or so, her son had begun to turn around and it seems he was realizing just what he had in her. shortly before his death he took his mom to dinner for her birthday. this was his idea, and his treat. a very different set of circumstances and feelings between them than what had been typical only months before.

also he had recently gone thru a painful breakup with a girl he truly loved. he came to his mom, and he cried about it with her. he talked to her. he confided in her, showing that he valued and trusted her.

i am writing this to you in hopes that my perspective can bring you some comfort. your relationship with your son, your closeness, was and is a great gift to you. i'm sure you know that. you're a lucky mom to be able to know that you were your son's best friend. and he was a lucky boy. my sister talks about why we all have to suffer because of one simple mistake, and that she is being punished, that her son was punished. i don't see it that way.

anyway my point is that she can say well at least it was obvious that things were turning around and getting better between them - that is gift for her. instead of asking why did it have to happen now just when things were starting to get better? she can say it's good that it didn't happen last year when things were so bad between us. i have been praying for my sister that she will in time begin to realize that instead of the sudden loss of his life being a punishment, the 21 years she had him were a gift.

your son sounds like an amazing person and it's true, there is no way we can ever understand why a young promising life ends like that. probably right now the fact that you were so close makes it all the more painful. i hope and i believe that in time you will take comfort from knowing how close you were. you know he loved you, and even better he knew how you loved him.

i don't know if i'm communicating this right but it's just my thought, hope it helps. i'm so sorry you lost your boy.